Dating Thread 211 - heading into to Autumn fueled by possibilities

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

I'd quite like to join a gym, I've never been.
I lost 4 stone in the last 12 months and dropped from an 18/20 to a 12. I love how I look in clothes but I definitely need to tone.
I wouldn't have a clue what to do though, what do I do in a gym ? Will I look ridiculous?

@Clovertoast they can show you what to do and how to use the machines. You could also get a personal trainer who could give you more in depth help. Some gyms do free training programmes. No one will be looking at you.

Thanks @Isitreallyme177 . I wouldn't know what machines do what lol !
What should a slim, but saggy 46 year old be using??
Maybe I should get a personal train as you suggested. That's something I never, ever, thought I would do!!

@Clovertoast

Firstly, make sure the gym suits you -shop around, visit, have a tour first.

Not sure where you are but there's the main ones like "puregym", local hotels might have one, local leisure centre.

They tend to be keen to get you in - you can get some really good monthly deals and trial offers (especially if you can attend at "offpeak" times). I've been a member of my local university one this summer as they did a great deal. You might want one with a pool/sauna/hot tub if you can find one? Though covid has made them a bit harder.

Some gyms are more "posey", some are more sociable, some have people who are just there to work out and go home. Occasionally some gyms have too many creepy guys or meatheads lifting weights so watch out for these!

You get an induction where they show you all the equipment and how to use them, and they can help you to do a programme so "you know what to do when you get there".

So say I have (1) stretch (2) run for 20 minutes (3) some wiggling about and isometric on the mat

(that sounds really lazy but that genuinely is me as I'm recovering from illness! But the point is it's MY workout - I don't have to do six hours, no-one is checking up on me)

I'd be a bit wary of organised classes if you're not feeling confident? Some can be great but some have a little bit of a bitchy/overcompetitive atmosphere.

Another option is seeing if you can get a good deal with a personal trainer as they will really show you the ropes. Again, shop around - you're the customer, find someone who you get on with who suits you.

You won't look ridiculous, everyone is there to do their workout! Like I said some gyms may be a bit "posey", but you have the decision not to go there (definitely ask for a tour first so you can see the vibe there).

You don't need to get any special clothing straight away apart from
the right shoes and be comfortable to move in. I have trainers and a black t shirt and black leggings.

Also Youtube workouts are your friend if you don't feel up to going out! just search for what it is you want to tone up (e.g. arms or legs) and you'll have fifty million free brilliant instructors! Get yourself a big mirror and a fancy mat and make some space at home or do with your DDs.

Thank you @SpringlikeBunk that's so much helpful information! I'm really grateful.
I might start with YouTube and see where I'm at

I can relate to so many of you atm. I'm 54 next week. Been in the menopause for a couple of years and recently started HRT - I started HRT patches last year but had trouble getting them and gave up. Apart from aching joints, it's not really doing anything for me yet. Am also looking to join a gym. I've given up smoking - 2 months now! But, the weight gain . I really need to nip it in the bud. DS back at school next week so no more excuses. I'm gonna miss my little mate though. He'll be 13 soon and I've a feeling this was the last school hols where he's happy to go on days out with me. Ah, Jeez, pass me the wine .

@Dropdeadfred2

Thanks everyone for your kindness. I feel like a real sap. . But ive cracked open a bottle and i think ì will feel better x

@Dropdeadfred2 you are definitely not a sap 🙂

You like this guy and you feel a connection. It's totally OK and completely human to want to spend time with him.

It sounds like everything is going well and thre are no red flags. Maybe the feeling of being connected to someone again has made you feel a bit vulnerable?

Update - NO! Lovely guy but didn't fancy him at all in person. It was quite awkward as he asked if I wanted to see him again, I said yeah but I don't want to so I will have to send a no thank text...hate doing this 😔 he tried to kiss me and so I had to turn away as well.

Oh well!

I echo the shop around, I've just switched gyms as the one I went to really started to go down hill and weren't offering the classes I want(there is other stuff too). I'm quite a gym bunny and go every day and I want a gym I'm happy and comfortable with. I've found myself thinking of reasons not to go as I wasn't happy with it. The gym I saw today just felt nice, the lady that showed me round was great and helpful and I'm going go get some personal trainer sessions booked in once a month as I really do go every day so don't lack the motivation or not know what I'm doing but I need my programme updated regularly.

I'm also quite particular about what I wear (and my trainers as I've got dodgy arches) for leggings I found Nike Running tights don't fall down when I'm in class and my tops are all proper sports vests from Bravissimo as I am big boobed and found high street ones are all racer back and too short and kept riding up. But wear what you're comfortable in as no one pays any attention. And invest in a good sports bra.

I work different things on different days, Tuesday is leg day for example, I do 6 days a week and a class one day a week. But when I'm back at work that will probably go down (although my new gym is 24hours).

I'm a bit of a gym bunny though (I don't look like your typical gym bunny though 😅) and am probably not a good example. But I had those fears and doubts when I joined but now it's my happy place.

@Clovertoast - you could try the no weights workout distilled from the collective wisdom of Reddit. It can be adapted from beginners to the more fit and is obvs srsly free. I like it anyway. This article links to it. lifehacker.com/reddits-beloved-no-weights-workout-is-famous-for-a-reas-1847193925

@bangheadhere40

Update - NO! Lovely guy but didn't fancy him at all in person. It was quite awkward as he asked if I wanted to see him again, I said yeah but I don't want to so I will have to send a no thank text...hate doing this 😔 he tried to kiss me and so I had to turn away as well.

Oh well!

Sorry to hear that @bangheadhere40 😞

I'm not sure what I would say if I wasn't feeling it but they asked me there and then for a second date. Awkward or what?

Ooh @RayoftheTriffids I
Might try that too thanks x I don’t like using weights machines and like working out outdoors

It was really awkward being put on the spot like that!

I really hate having to say no now 😐

@bangheadhere40

Sorry to hear that, I’d just send the message ASAP I’m sure he’ll understand? You’ve only had one meet and he may be multiple dating anyway

@bangheadhere40

It was really awkward being put on the spot like that!

I really hate having to say no now 😐

What was he like??

Clovertoast I joined a gym two years ago and went twice a week until covid struck. I wasn't very fit but it was fun. I'd do a bit of stretching then a 10 min run,10 on the rower and 5 on the bike and 10 on the stepper! Then have a go at some weights before 5 more minutes running. It really made me eat healthily as I didn't want to undo all my hard work( well,hard for me!).

I've sent the message, he said no worries and was nice about it.

He didn't really look like his photos and was much shorter than I thought. I don't mind smaller guys but I just didn't feel any attraction at all....so different to pics. Conversation was also a little strained with me doing all the talking.

If it was the hot house man from last night and tonight's personality it would have worked 😄

@bangheadhere40

I've sent the message, he said no worries and was nice about it.

He didn't really look like his photos and was much shorter than I thought. I don't mind smaller guys but I just didn't feel any attraction at all....so different to pics. Conversation was also a little strained with me doing all the talking.

If it was the hot house man from last night and tonight's personality it would have worked 😄

You so rarely get both.... at least he was fine about it

I joined a gym on 13th August at age 53 having never been to one before.

There was is no way for me to shop around because I live in a village, this one is about a ten min drive. It's £350 for the year and has pool, sauna, steam, jacuzzi, waterfall thingy in the pool and bubble massage chairs in the pool.

I have been swimming at least twice a week (and this is a real achievement because I can't really swim and am scared of water! Though as a result of swimming a but more at my gym I happened to have my swimming costume when I went to Brighton so I swam in the sea!).

I've been to the gym twice. A chap showed me two or three machines so I've done walking, cross trainer and bike so far. not much of each, but I will build up slowly. My main issue is how bloody boring it is! So, I girded my ears and found some headphones and the headphone adapter for my phone and listened to a podcast so it wasn't so bad today.
I intend to build up my time on each machine and the resistance, and then add in rowing at some point for my core.

I turfed out my 'exercise clothes' drawer and found some lycra running tights, god knows why, I've never run, and a fitted t shirt thing, and I already have sports bras and knickers for walking, so I have An Outfit. I also turfed out a whole bag of stuff to chuck away so that was a useful exercise (no pun intended!). I won't wear vest tops, I'm slightly wary even of t shirts, prefer sleeves but I have a sort of hoodie thing to go on top and once I'm hot enough I'm not that bothered about the t shirt.
I can't run. I think today I used all of 200 calories!

Anyway, if I can start it at 53, you can at 46!!!

Well done vangoghsdog!!

I am 55, hate exercise with a passion, joined a not-fancy gym in my 20s because I felt like I ought to, stayed for 6 months, went three times a week, progressed in my programme, never stopped hating it. The highlight of my session was getting back in the car and lighting a fag. I never got endorphins, I never enjoyed any aspect of it.

I joined a fancy gym in my 30s because I thought maybe the lack of fanciness is why I didn't enjoy it the first time. Enjoyed the steam room, and the showers were a life saver when my boiler broke down. Still hated the running, stretching, machines, all of it.

Did Zumba a couple of years ago. I thought jumping around to music would be more fun than a gym setting. And it was. I couldn't remember all the movements or keep up with everyone though so the group thing stressed me out. And still no mental reward afterwards, just relief it was over.

So I want to thank you lovely threaders for inspiring me to have another go. I know exercise is more important the older you get, I need bone strength and I need cardiac health. So I've been researching local options. New fancy expensive gym or cheap run down council gym. Neither gym is anything but a gym, no spa-type elements. All exercise, no relaxation. I may splash out on some sessions with a personal trainer just to get me, not back on the horse, just on the bloody horse. Gotta start somewhere. I'm almost excited...!

And I quit smoking many years ago.

So friend I spoke up earlier in the thread: the one who commented on me not really wanting a relationship as I don't seem to try. The reality is I wouldn't settle for a guy like hers.

We met last night and she said he might come. I hate when women do that. It changes the dynamics. He came along later after a few calls from her to him and her looking pissed off.

He was properly drunk to the extent he was slurring words and saying stupid things. He drank even more there. Out of work and doing someone other dodgy thing to earn money.

I just went along with it and was polite as actually I've met him lots. She looked embarrassed though

Why oh why oh why ! I'd rather be single than have a guy drunk like that. I wouldn't want to be in bed with them or with them.

Sorry he as in guy she got back together with a while ago.

Ughh @ActonSquirrel that sounds like actually a bit of a ruined night out - totally agree she shouldn't have invited him along and it sounds like there are some toxic dynamics going on there.

Also very inspired by the gym chat. I'm also 53, have lost over a stone in the last 6 months, feeling a lot better about myself than I used to and am more active because of the walking but been thinking I should maybe amp it up a bit. However my past experience of gyms is very similar to yours @WeWantTheFinestWines (without the fags) and I'd love to know the magic sauce that might make a new membership the 'forever gym'!