Dating Thread 211 - heading into to Autumn fueled by possibilities

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Not at all, that's just being efficient!

@kerkyra I unmatch anyone too who asks that moronic question as it clearly says what I’m about in my profile wording and they’re just fishing aren’t they. Urgh.

@Eesha I always see my 3 month wonder on the apps and even now 1 1/2 years later I don’t like seeing it. Everything in my soul is saying don’t reload an app but at the same time you are never going to get chatting to someone walking up the road unfortunately.

But then I see nice updates like @MayEye and its evidence that there are good ones on there!!

@BelladiMamma I think send out the cute pet pic 🐶💗

@kerkyra that sounds a lovely day with your son. There is THE most amazing indian restaurant there called Tayyabs you should go if you both like indian food. One of my fav restaurants 😋 I want to go now lol. 🥰

[quote Shayelle2009]@kerkyra that sounds a lovely day with your son. There is THE most amazing indian restaurant there called Tayyabs you should go if you both like indian food. One of my fav restaurants 😋 I want to go now lol. 🥰[/quote]
Oh my god I love Tayyabs! It's not Indian though, I think it's Pakistani.

I'm off to London in a couple of weeks for a family dinner and trying to think where to go, but sadly we have a vegan and a veggie in the group so Tayyabs won't work!

@kerkyra I second @Shayelle2009, Tayaabs is excellent.

@Shayelle2009 aren't you a gym bunny? In the few times I've been out and about, I've tried speaking to strangers rather than head down/ignore. It's definitely worked in that a few have somehow made an effort to continue!

@BelladiMamma - the trouble with getting to know someone on a deeper level before sex is, what if it's terrible? I'd rather find out before as it's a bit of a deal breaker for me. Although having said that, I'm well into the menopause now and sex just isn't the same. I feel as confused as that sounds!
@Eesha - a Rachel cut, go for it! A good haircut can really boost you.
@EchoElephant - Next time he lunges in just quickly say 'no tongues this time'! When a guy did that to me I actually pushed him away and swore at him as I was so shocked.
@MayEye - wishing you a fabulous time - update awaited.
@Naimee87 - at least his Mum can look after him! Sex is obviously off the cards, lol.
@Shayelle2009 - got to be in it to win it. I'm back on but have been quite nonchalant and very picky.

@VanGoghsDog where exactly are you off to? My vegan buddy likes All Bar One of all places for the vegan burger...

[quote Eesha]@VanGoghsDog where exactly are you off to? My vegan buddy likes All Bar One of all places for the vegan burger...[/quote]
Anywhere in London, but they're not going to go for an All Bar One, well, I'm certainly not anyway!

My niece and nephew both live in London and are big foodies so they'll probably come up with somewhere. Niece is the vegan, her bf the veggie. Nephew a big meat eater. I'd love Dishoom (probably some decent veggie options plus great cocktails) or there's a great little place in Brixton that does similar Asian fusion, or Flesh and Buns, but I doubt any of those will do!

@BelladiMamma MrE/Elf came over on Tuesday afternoon. With gifts and flowers. Was really sweet of him actually. There was still a 'spark' there as well. I got everything off my chest too. Told him i'm not up for long distance phone/text relationship. Not interested in being 'his only thing' here. There were a few other things i needed to talk to him about but these were pretty minor. But he ended up saying why don't we give us a few weeks to 'date' and see how it goes. He said he didn't realise i felt like i did towards the end of his trip and i should have said much earlier that it bothered me. Aaaanyway! I'm seeing how it goes because he actually @EchoElephant is a good-kisser. I think i'd see him again because kissing isn't the be all and end all but definitely guide him gentley to what you like.
@MayEye have a wonderful weekend with MrLumberjack, sounds like he's thoughtful one! Despite the lovely efforts of MrElf my thoughts at the moment are leaning more towards a few hours of seeing magnet-man rather than a weekend with MrElf. I'm hearing alll the advice from every angle but my heads like naaaaaaah do the complete opposite! I'm so wise and such an adult these days! and clearly know exactly what i'm after....
@Shayelle2009 i suppose you got to be on the rollercoaster to experience the highs too right? agree they are few and far between but if you aren't getting to meet people out and about just yet then perhaps you could try the apps again. Maybe just check only in the evening or over lunch and then ignore/snooze notifications.

Thanks Shayelle2009 I love Indian food,it's my favourite. Just working out how i get to the museum from Tower hill and then I can relax! I
I did come to London a couple of years ago on my own to see a musical so I know I can do this!!

I think men around here hang out in the pubs,there is always a band playing in one of the pubs in the village. Just haven't really got anyone to go with as most friends all couples up and hardly go out and my close Male friend people will think we are a couple? My other single female friend lives 15 miles away and she is happy staying in.
I did meet some friends for coffee at a Wetherspoons last week at 11am and was a bit put off to see groups of men all on pints( or is this normal?).

[quote Walkingalot]@BelladiMamma - the trouble with getting to know someone on a deeper level before sex is, what if it's terrible? I'd rather find out before as it's a bit of a deal breaker for me. Although having said that, I'm well into the menopause now and sex just isn't the same. I feel as confused as that sounds!
@Eesha - a Rachel cut, go for it! A good haircut can really boost you.
@EchoElephant - Next time he lunges in just quickly say 'no tongues this time'! When a guy did that to me I actually pushed him away and swore at him as I was so shocked.
@MayEye - wishing you a fabulous time - update awaited.
@Naimee87 - at least his Mum can look after him! Sex is obviously off the cards, lol.
@Shayelle2009 - got to be in it to win it. I'm back on but have been quite nonchalant and very picky.[/quote]
This is true too!! And I often follow it but then I'm fairly sexually liberated 😂 so these are often nice and quick relationships - thanks but no thanks!

Oh FFS, MrNoKids has asked again to meet for coffee, this w/e. I specifically said I wanted to wait a week or so.

The cute dog video worked. Lots of nice little check in messages, no flirting or attempts at arranging a meet up, just some nice interactions

[quote BelladiMamma]@FireandBrimstone you're not under scrutiny - he is. After all, I think we all know by now that women do most of the work in any relationship so it's totally your decision as to whether or not he's someone to spend time with!

@bangheadhere40 you're obviously good at judging someone's personality, good to see you're not compatible early on.

@Naimee87 how did you leave things with MrE in the end, did he come back or was it all via video call?

@EchoElephant kissing is often a sign of things to come isn't it, can they spend time on making it a nice lingering seductive kiss or is it wham bam thank you ma'am? Kissing you then going straight for a grope (MrGinger was like that how on earth I ever thought it was a good idea to sleep with him I'll never know 😱), or just teenage sloppy wet ones would also give me the ick.

Just wondering how everyone met their partners in the past? Every single long term relationship I've ever been in had these things in common:
Met them through Uni or work
Had a friendship of weeks or months before getting together
Had friends in common
(None of that helped me to realise what a dick my ex was but there you are)

I've never met and then gone into a relationship with anyone that I didn't already have an approx 2-6 month connection with already
For all my social ability and good comms I need a very slow run up, even if it's just on a date. You know the concept of slow food? I think I'm into 'slow dating'. I need an intellectual connection and sexual connection and building slowly towards something.
So I'm keeping all my expectations of OLD massively in check and also reminding myself that if I sleep with someone early on, 9 times out of 10 I'm the one to bring it to an end because we've skipped an important part of building the connection, for me.
How on earth that's achieved once you're 50+ is beyond me :-) but I'll keep an open mind [/quote]
@BelladiMamma I met my ex at a Tube station and he just started chatting to me. He then tried to queue jump to get into the club and we kept bumping into each other inside, one thing led to another, I took him home 🙈🤣 and the rest is history. For some random I picked up on a night out it went pretty well.

@Isitreallyme177 that actually sounds really romantic ❤️❤️❤️

@kerkyra you can 100% this and you’ll have a fab and wonderful day 😊 looking forward to hearing about it, it will be a fun adventure for you both! 💗

Haha at all of us who love Tayyabs 🤣 if we have a mumsnet meetup it will be there then! 😄

@Eesha youre right I’ve recently joined a new one, only been a few times but I love it as it’s huge and friendly and everytime I’ve been I’ve got chatting to people 🙂 no potential irons though unfortunately just nice friendly folk which is lovely. Sadly I think the apps are the main opportunity to meet a guy 😟 it’s just the feeling they give me when I even think about going on!! A big feeling of dread and anxiety lol… it’s like a trigger!!! I dont want to 😭

@kerkyra

Thanks Shayelle2009 I love Indian food,it's my favourite. Just working out how i get to the museum from Tower hill and then I can relax! I I did come to London a couple of years ago on my own to see a musical so I know I can do this!!

I think men around here hang out in the pubs,there is always a band playing in one of the pubs in the village. Just haven't really got anyone to go with as most friends all couples up and hardly go out and my close Male friend people will think we are a couple? My other single female friend lives 15 miles away and she is happy staying in.
I did meet some friends for coffee at a Wetherspoons last week at 11am and was a bit put off to see groups of men all on pints( or is this normal?).

You can walk from Tower Hill, gives you a chance to take in a bit of the City x

@Isitreallyme177 makes me think of that last scene in Crocodile Dundee where she plucks him out of the packed metro station🤣🤣💗

Yeah walking round london is the bestest way! I do a lot of that at weekends. Go walkabout like Crocodile dundee! ⭐️

@Shayelle2009

Yeah walking round london is the bestest way! I do a lot of that at weekends. Go walkabout like Crocodile dundee! ⭐️

When I'm better we should deffo organise a walking round London or Brighton day xx

@kerkyra so normal. Miss Whetherspoons, them rough-around the edges-morning-pint-drinkers are SO my type.

@BelladiMamma

I'm the same in needing a slow run up. Need both Intellectual and sexual compatibility. Funnily enough though my ex (still amicable) says its all about the sexual connection and the intellectual side of things is for friends, but then they made no effort with either with me😂

I've not really had many chats so this wont be very representative but really struggling to get anywhere. Only a few matches ever bother to message or reply to initial messages (what's that about, why bother matching in the first place?) Then the ones that do they ask / push the idea of a serious relationship before date zero!!! I mean hang in a sec we hardly even know each other, lets see how this goes. I feel like I'm being dishonest when I say I'm looking for a relationship and not agreeing to one straight away😭

Only ever had that initial connection twice. First time I was too naive and innocent 😇 and failed to do anything about it. Second time sadly there were too many external complications.

But relationships always with friends or colleagues in the past and they never worked out so why not OLD🤔

Lovely @BelladiMamma 👍💛

@Walkingalot when he was here once i remember he phoned his mum to 'let her know he was OK' and this from a man who works all over europe and is mid 40's !

[quote Naimee87]@Walkingalot when he was here once i remember he phoned his mum to 'let her know he was OK' and this from a man who works all over europe and is mid 40's ![/quote]
Wow that is taking unavailable to a whole other level ...!