Dating Thread 211 - heading into to Autumn fueled by possibilities

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Clovertoast

Hello all Definitely don't cancel *@bangheadhere40* see as many as possible is something I'll be doing when/if I'm back on the apps! *@Naimee87* I'm an oversharer with my dds too ! They are 18 and 19 and I end up telling them all my relationship woes. I try not too but it ends up coming out !

That's the problem with me, I'm 46, was in an abusive 20 year marriage and I've come out with no confidence and no friends. I've ended up latching onto Mr P who is lovely, but I feel like I'm becoming suffocating.
Which leads me to a point made by @BelladiMamma about depressed men being your speciality. Well let me tell you, Mr P is a proud card carrying depressed person.
He's down a lot. Unhappy, tearful, needs time to " be " and to sleep things off. Tells me often how he's damages, his life is ruined because of thr divorce, how he feels his children's pain, how his exw has ruined his life etc.
After 20 months together is it needy of me to expect to be someone that lifts his life a little?
I'm still fully hidden and separate from everyone and it's really getting me down. I feel anxious and insecure all the time.
I'll be honest and say on this thread something I've not admitted outloud, that I worry if I lose him, I'll never find anyone else. The apps are a nightmare as you know. Im 46, I'm lonely, and I'm a mess today.
My friend came round last night and told me I'm funny, attractive ( I've lost 4 stone since being in this relationship) intelligent etc. She doesn't understand why I'm settling for someone that only wants half of me as she put it.

@clovertoast you deserve to have a relationship where you lift each other, someone who makes you more of who you are. This guy sounds draining and like he dimishes you. Sorry.

You've managed to get out of a 20 year abusive relationship. That must have been a horribly difficult and challenging thing to come through, and yet you did it! I think you need to fall back in love with yourself before trying to fall in love with someone else.

Being on your own is not as bad as being with someone who makes you feel anxious and insecure all the time. It really isn't!

Oh how great!! Can't wait for update later

Another just here for the update 😜

Oh my god exciting @bangheadhere40!! Can’t believe he left it that short notice and you've gone and he’s FIT! Ooooh how exciting 🥳🥳

@bangheadhere40

LOO UODATE - Oh my god he's gorgeous wow I really fancy him. No idea what he thinks

😁😊😇🥰🤩😛😋🤗

@bangheadhere40 great news!

It's been a while since we had an authentic loo update 😁

@bangheadhere40 eagerly awaiting the update too 😀

Here for @bangheadhere40 update too 😄

Mr local has been messaging tonight and said he probably could have made it out for a few later drinks once child asleep after all as his sis could have watched him 🤦‍♀️

Matched with a new iron and had good chat back and forth. Not my usual type looks wise (save for some lovely tattoos) but we seem to have a lot in common so looking forward to chatting some more.

Also rematched with a previous iron from about a year ago I never met up with. I think he was new to old and was a bit kid in a sweet shop so I bowed out. Hes already messaged so will see how it goes this time

No update surely means she's still having fun??

Had a nice evening, he was very good looking - but I don't think our personalities are compatible and I'm guessing he thought the same. He's going back down south soon so we just left it that when he's up again we can meet up. So all in all a nice evening and maybe a new friend. I got the impression he's a bit of a ladies man, lots of short relationships etc.

I'm a bit less excited about Mr Ears now - he seems so lovely and keen as well. I will go with an open mind later but he seems very quiet and it could be hard to keep the convo going. 🙂

What would you do if you had a couple of dates with someone, thought you were starting to like them but then discovered they were a terrible kisser?

@EchoElephant

What would you do if you had a couple of dates with someone, thought you were starting to like them but then discovered they were a terrible kisser?

I didn't see him again! Awful sloppy wet kisser

@EchoElephant I would still see them as its generally hard to meet decent people so I would see if the kissing can be improved.

@bangheadhere40 how are you this morning? It sounds like you had fun anyway and better you see the incompatibility now than later.

How's everyone's weekends looking? I had a bit of a curveball seeing my ex on a dating site (looking for casual) which brought back a lot of memories of us. Anyway, I'm trying to remember all the reasons why we weren't suited (mental illness, weed addiction) bit still stung.

Bigger news, having my hair cut after ages and feeling like I really need a sexy revamp. Not really swiping as my heart isn't in it.

Actually got a few messages from Mr Lawyer citing family stresses/work etc but which meant he wasn't able to date for a while so that one is off the table.

Yay @banghead40! An evening well spent and on to the next one it seems!
@MayEye well he’s said next week would work for him, i haven’t replied (yet!) then he’s got medical appointments for his back coming up. So i guess he’s squeezing me in before he’s lying flat for a few weeks healing. He had these problems already last year as he’s getting quite old now. I know isn’t he such a catch. He lives with his mum too! Ahhh my dream man 💜💜💜😂 💜💜💜

@bangheadhere40 glad you did have a nice evening anyway and it's good that you had enough time to 'read' him as you have done. Keep the faith for Mr Ears!

@EchoElephant my husband of 20+ years wasn't a great kisser so clearly at one point that didn't bother me. But also probably because of that, now more than ever I'd be saying no thanks early doors if someone new also couldn't kiss.

@Eesha within 24hrs of ever going onto the apps I found my ex on one. Definite mixture of emotions so I sympathise with you - it takes a while to process and yes brings up all sorts of thoughts and memories. But you are on your own path now. I hope you found a way to block his profile, you don't need those reminders coming up. And yaaaaay for sexy new 'dos - go for it!

Small update from me - coffee with Mr Colleague does appear to be on tomorrow. Having to send the 'prod' message to establish that didn't sit right with me though. I have to train myself to position this as just a coffee and a chance to catch up, rather than feeling under scrutiny but something about his aloof communication style is making me feel the pressure a bit.

@FireandBrimstone thank you, I agree about perceived aloofness, give me keeness every time.

Yes I deleted my profile immediately. It just made me wonder if he ever thought about me the way I thought about him. He was the first person I genuinely connected with post my children's dad and I was completely smitten. When we split understandably, I was so sad as that initial chemistry was intoxicating and I had never been happier in my life. Anyway, like you say, different paths..

@bangheadhere40 I had the exact same experience recently with Mr fashion and Mr Lumberjack. Mr Fashion was all charm and definitely a ladies man- a bit flash but definitely attractive . I went to the date a few days later with Mr Lumberjack thinking he won’t be as good to spend time with as he is much quieter, serious and we clicked really well. It made me realise that’s what I want - a grown up!
So don’t write off Mr Ears yet as the in person vibe could be great! Glad you enjoyed last night though:)
@Naimee87 🙈

I’m off for the weekend with Mr Lumberjack this evening. I’m so looking forward to it and at the same thinking a weekend is a looong time if things go wrong! We have loads planned though so I won’t be bored! Will update

@FireandBrimstone you're not under scrutiny - he is. After all, I think we all know by now that women do most of the work in any relationship so it's totally your decision as to whether or not he's someone to spend time with!

@bangheadhere40 you're obviously good at judging someone's personality, good to see you're not compatible early on.

@Naimee87 how did you leave things with MrE in the end, did he come back or was it all via video call?

@EchoElephant kissing is often a sign of things to come isn't it, can they spend time on making it a nice lingering seductive kiss or is it wham bam thank you ma'am? Kissing you then going straight for a grope (MrGinger was like that how on earth I ever thought it was a good idea to sleep with him I'll never know 😱), or just teenage sloppy wet ones would also give me the ick.

Just wondering how everyone met their partners in the past? Every single long term relationship I've ever been in had these things in common:
Met them through Uni or work
Had a friendship of weeks or months before getting together
Had friends in common
(None of that helped me to realise what a dick my ex was but there you are)

I've never met and then gone into a relationship with anyone that I didn't already have an approx 2-6 month connection with already
For all my social ability and good comms I need a very slow run up, even if it's just on a date. You know the concept of slow food? I think I'm into 'slow dating'. I need an intellectual connection and sexual connection and building slowly towards something.
So I'm keeping all my expectations of OLD massively in check and also reminding myself that if I sleep with someone early on, 9 times out of 10 I'm the one to bring it to an end because we've skipped an important part of building the connection, for me.
How on earth that's achieved once you're 50+ is beyond me :-) but I'll keep an open mind 

I've agreed to another date with Mr Bad Kisser. Because up to that point I was enjoying his company and thought things were going well.
Maybe I can somehow persuade him that jabbing your tongue in & out of someone's mouth is not pleasant.

Hey @Eesha that must have been a horrid pang seeing him back on there. Hope you're ok.. whats your hair like? I had mine cut short recently and I lurrrve it.

@bangheadhere40 at least you got out there and had some eye candy for a but. Always helps when they’re good looking 😁 and MrEars tonight, good for you!

Im wondering whether to go back on an app. But I hate them 😣 what shall I do….

@BelladiMamma my issue these days is actually meeting new people. When I was younger it seemed so easy to meet people. But now, despite being out and about a lot I don’t ever meet guys. Being stuck working from home in the middle of a pandemic for nearly 2 years doesn't help of course.

@Shayelle2009 yes it was hard though he was still looking for casual. Ours just ended up being a relationship which surprised us both. Clearly he's back out there but I guess so was I.

I'm sortof like you and giving up the apps but you'll be guaranteed not to meet anyone (unless in the real world) if you do give up. It's difficult as I have friends who have never done OLD or given it up for years and i don't want that for myself, I feel I still want to meet someone. But you have to be positively thick skinned and I often can't be bothered!

Cutting hair this weekend. My hair is great but I have a terrible tendency to let myself go when I haven't got anything lined up to do. I'm debating the old Rachel cut.....

EchoElephant I suppose no one is perfect and if I was ever lucky enough to get a match who wanted to kiss me 😄 then discovered he was awful at it,I think I'd try and show him how I liked to be kissed. Everyone I've kissed does it differently and you kind of go with their way,well maybe he can go with your way!

Shame about the date banghead but it sounded like a fun evening.Good luck with Mr Ears.

Nothing like a new hair cut/style to make you feel great and alive Eesha.

Tinder has been quiet,three matches in a week. One messaged me asking what I was looking for,I replied someone nice to date and it's on my profile and he replied "oh.ok". So I unmatched.

Son loves gore and has been doing Jack the ripper at school so I'm being brave and taking him to London this weekend as i found a museum in Whitechapel. Will be spending today planning,looking at tubes and studying maps as I'm a bit of a country bumpkin and out of my comfort.
Good luck with any dates coming up everyone.

[quote Shayelle2009]@BelladiMamma my issue these days is actually meeting new people. When I was younger it seemed so easy to meet people. But now, despite being out and about a lot I don’t ever meet guys. Being stuck working from home in the middle of a pandemic for nearly 2 years doesn't help of course.[/quote]
Yes likewise. At least we've all been in the same boat?! Obviously lockdown exacerbated a lot of MH issues for all of us and maybe that's led to more flakes? I guess OLD just creates a pool of people where in theory you're all single and looking for the same thing. Nothing wrong with having high standards but low expectations that randoms you meet off the internet are going to meet those expectations.

Am wondering how much effort I should put into staying in touch with all the randoms I've got going. I took a cute video of me scratching my dog's ears and the other one looking on enviously. Thought I could just 'send to all' that I want to stay in touch with as a cute checking in message. Is that really lazy of me?

[quote Eesha]@Shayelle2009 yes it was hard though he was still looking for casual. Ours just ended up being a relationship which surprised us both. Clearly he's back out there but I guess so was I.

I'm sortof like you and giving up the apps but you'll be guaranteed not to meet anyone (unless in the real world) if you do give up. It's difficult as I have friends who have never done OLD or given it up for years and i don't want that for myself, I feel I still want to meet someone. But you have to be positively thick skinned and I often can't be bothered!

Cutting hair this weekend. My hair is great but I have a terrible tendency to let myself go when I haven't got anything lined up to do. I'm debating the old Rachel cut.....[/quote]
Just before we split I found a load of photos of my ex on his phone posing topless. He then used one of them on his WhatsApp profile weeks after we split. It was awful but a sign to me that things were really irrevocably lost even though he was begging to have me back. No thanks.