Guy I met at a meetup group will not stop texting

[Crumpets123]

I'm feeling very weirded out and don't know how to handle this without making things awkward.

Recently gone through a breakup just a few weeks ago. Joined my local meetup group to get me out the house and make new friends.

Had a great time at the first event I went to last week. Had some lovely conversations and was a good night despite my initial nerves and reservations!

Was chatting to a group of people including this guy, the others kind of separated off and we continued talking. Wasn't flirty at all from either side (not that I picked up on anyway). He asked me why I joined the group and I talked about my break up etc

There is a group WhatsApp for the group and since I joined that, the guy has been messaging me EVERY day. Lots of wink faces and tongue faces and being very flirtatious. Last night he asked me out for a coffee. I said no and explained that I'm going through a break up, I still love my ex, I don't want to give him the wrong impression, i am only looking for friends, and I don't feel comfortable meeting him 1:1.

He said he completely understood. Today he has messaged me several times asking how I am, sending a photo of his dog etc. I haven't replied.

What do i do? I just want him to stop messaging me!! I feel like it is weird how much he is messaging me when i have met him once and had one conversation and I've told him I'm not interested!!

I really enjoyed the meetup group and i want to continue to go to it, but i feel so awkward now and feel like this guy pestering me has ruined it. I don't want him to be stuck to me at every event and me not be able to get away? I dont know what to say without just being a bitch and making things awkward. But i want him to leave me alone

Make no response whatsoever. He clearly isn't listening to you anyway. Any response will be seen by idiots like him as engagement.

You can mute and archive his chat if you don't want to block. Just ignore him.

Agree with the police. Putting obstacles in their way makes them more creative with finding ways to contact you. Also by not blocking you're able to see and keep the messages as potential evidence.

Just ignore. I know it puts you on edge 'waiting' for the next message but it's the best thing to do.

[quote Crumpets123]@paq they said in their experience blocking is like waving a red flag to a bull and can make them seek out other ways to contact you and make them angrier[/quote]
I said this upthread OP. I've had a similar experience to yourself- you need to let everyone know now and follow the advice. It's horrible and I'm sorry your going through this.

@CuriousaboutSamphire

They tell you not to block so you will know if he has stopped or you need to take more action.

Forewarned etc.

It's not really that, if you stop one (safer) line of contact they tend to seek out other ways to contact you. IME, social media, through friends, ex's, even turning up at my door at 3am.

Be vocal OP, get back in touch with the police, event organisers also.

@LadyJaye great post

He needs telling OP, tell him straight. Think of it as a service, an act of feminist solidarity to every woman he meets after you.

The organisers need to tell him not you. I would refuse any contact with him. If he approaches you in the group say "no thanks" no other response.

I expect he cycles through people, he thinks he's "being kind". He'd love any attention from you so give him none.

If you want him to stop messaging, why would you message him with a question? He’s obviously going to reply to the question you’re asking but yeah, you do need to be blunt, of course. ‘DO NOT CONTACT ME. ANY CONTACT WILL BE FORWARDED TO THE POLICE’ have you not told him that yet?

You should follow the advice given by Gavin de Becker’s ‘The Gift of Fear’ (recommended on another thread) - the only successful way to deal with someone who won’t let go is to persistently ignore.

Every time you respond to him that gives him something to work on - for him any contact, even negative, is better than no contact.

Steel yourself, this is a battle of wills. Be prepared it will go on for a few weeks - don’t cave.

Personally I think do not reply to him (you'd already communicated clearly to him that you didn't want him to message you so you don't need to reiterate this). I think the organisers definitely need to know so that they can address this in terms of whether he's still allowed to attend, plus they asked you to say if he persisted. If you're feeling threatened or uneasy about it I'd update police too. Sorry he's ignored you and contacted you again. X

Oh God, no. You should read The Gift of Fear as it has good advice on this sort of thing. It is best to block completely. You've already made it clear to him you're not interested. Any further responses from you will just keep it going and make him think he can change your mind. Also, be really careful when going to the groups, especially when leaving because even if he isn't in the group, he could be hanging around watching to find out where you live. He sounds really creepy.

OP, are you OK?

Thanks @WTF475878237NC this is useful to share, I have signed and original information is below:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/petitions_noticeboard/4299869-Please-sign-this-petition-to-have-crimes-by-men-recorded-as-mens-crimes

Lots of rather naive mumsnetters...

Follow the advice of the police and don't block. Not blocking my stalker, allowed me to know of the moment he started following me (he texted where and when he'd seen me). Also, all the texts from him were the only evidence I had of his actions - how was police to know he'd been "accidentally" driving by me daily?

Don't engage but certainly keep an eye if it's escalating (anger, threats, frequency, delusions - anything)

I hope it fizzles out

I didn't mean to breach talk guidelines but I have just been made aware I shouldn't have put a link here to another thread. Sorry OP and MNHQ.

@Crumpets123

Haha he just messaged me to say that he feels I am being off with him and he is only trying to be kind!

Omg!! We dont even know eachother, we met once!!!! This is so weird!

"Only trying to be kind" !! - That line - designed to make you feel both patronised and embarrassed at the same time. He sounds a bit borderline stalky. You could try a final firm but clear line. I personally go for the kill 'em with politeness approach - for ex:

"Thankyou for your kindness. This is to let you know I will no longer be replying to your messages. However, I wish you the best of luck in your search for love and/or friendship"

There's nothing they can do with that.....and do not reply if he messages.

Crumpets, either ignore him or tell him straight that he is too full on.

@HollySass

Lots of rather naive mumsnetters...

Follow the advice of the police and don't block. Not blocking my stalker, allowed me to know of the moment he started following me (he texted where and when he'd seen me). Also, all the texts from him were the only evidence I had of his actions - how was police to know he'd been "accidentally" driving by me daily?

Don't engage but certainly keep an eye if it's escalating (anger, threats, frequency, delusions - anything)

I hope it fizzles out

Fully own up to being naive but I think especially in cases of stalking and harassment the police have been proved to be fallible in an extraordinary number of cases which have been made worse or ended in tragedy because of their ineptitude.

Apparently he was sending multiple messages about it and being very persistent, but eventually stopped when people just stopped replying to him.

There's your answer! Ignore, ignore, ignore. It sounds like not just the organiser but other people already know what he is like - so no need to feel awkward with the rest of the group either!

Although yes, also feel free to follow up with the organiser/tell them he is still messaging. But in terms of direct contact - ignore the twat.

OP, have you spoken to the organisers again?