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Original poster

Guy I met at a meetup group will not stop texting

197 replies

Crumpets123 · 23/08/2021 16:05

I'm feeling very weirded out and don't know how to handle this without making things awkward.

Recently gone through a breakup just a few weeks ago. Joined my local meetup group to get me out the house and make new friends.

Had a great time at the first event I went to last week. Had some lovely conversations and was a good night despite my initial nerves and reservations!

Was chatting to a group of people including this guy, the others kind of separated off and we continued talking. Wasn't flirty at all from either side (not that I picked up on anyway). He asked me why I joined the group and I talked about my break up etc

There is a group WhatsApp for the group and since I joined that, the guy has been messaging me EVERY day. Lots of wink faces and tongue faces and being very flirtatious. Last night he asked me out for a coffee. I said no and explained that I'm going through a break up, I still love my ex, I don't want to give him the wrong impression, i am only looking for friends, and I don't feel comfortable meeting him 1:1.

He said he completely understood. Today he has messaged me several times asking how I am, sending a photo of his dog etc. I haven't replied.

What do i do? I just want him to stop messaging me!! I feel like it is weird how much he is messaging me when i have met him once and had one conversation and I've told him I'm not interested!!

I really enjoyed the meetup group and i want to continue to go to it, but i feel so awkward now and feel like this guy pestering me has ruined it. I don't want him to be stuck to me at every event and me not be able to get away? I dont know what to say without just being a bitch and making things awkward. But i want him to leave me alone

OP posts:
Summerfun54321 · 23/08/2021 22:33

Bloody hell. He just messaged me and said "can I ask are you comfortable messaging as just friends or not?"

He has to have absolutely zero social awareness to send this! He sounds utterly clueless rather than dangerous. I’d just reply “👍 see you at the meet-up group with the others” then block and ask the group organiser to remind members that meet-up isn’t a hook-up site!

OverweightPidgeon · 23/08/2021 22:47

I take back my previous response of giving him the benefit of the doubt.

Definitely block him or just reply FFS NO and then block him.

Cam001 · 23/08/2021 22:49

Creeps like him are the reason I set up my own Meetup group for women only. I'm also still a member of another local Meetup group, although I haven't been to any of their events for a very long time, and yesterday, coincidentally, I received this email...

*Hi, Can I just strongly reiterate that this group IS NOT a dating website and it is not appropriate to message members with messages of interest in that respect.

That is not what this group is for and anyone caught doing so will be immediately deleted and banned permanently.

If anyone ever wishes to speak to me in confidence about any issues/problems they are experiencing in regards to the group and unwanted messages then please let me know so it can be dealt with. This could be viewed at as harassment and will be taken seriously.

If you’re looking to find a date, please use a dating app and not this group!!!!*

So it seems group organisers take this kind of harassment seriously. Perhaps speak to them. I'm sure they will take a dim view of his behaviour.

BrilloPaddy · 23/08/2021 22:57

Block as he's clearly not listening to you.

And send a screenshot of his messages to the group leader. You really don't have to tolerate dicks like this. Grim.

firecracker69 · 23/08/2021 23:00

Please block him. He's not listening to you at all. For your own safety (and other's too), I'd definitely tell the group leader. Better to be safe than sorry. Weirdo.

MrsSkylerWhite · 23/08/2021 23:02

Block. Would also have a quiet chat with whoever organises the group to see if he has form.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 23/08/2021 23:05

Just block. Some men are so inappropriate in their communication and don't care that they are trampling your boundaries. Just block, delete and forget about him.

Notaroadrunner · 23/08/2021 23:10

Do not reply again and block. Avoid like the plague at next meeting. Have a word with the organiser beforehand if possible - ring her/him.

JulesCobb · 23/08/2021 23:11

He isnt being weird. He is being deliberately inappropriate. Block him and tell the organiser at this point. do not respond to him at all. Never explain yourself to men like this.

SnatchCassidy · 23/08/2021 23:12

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FatAnkles · 23/08/2021 23:13

Eugh. Some men think that by being "nice" and "friendly" it gives them free rein to to WTF they like even when told NO. In my public facing customer service job I get this a LOT.

"But I was only being friendly! Why are you like this?"
IN MY HEAD (FUCK OFF DICKHEAD) What comes out of my mouth, "Nothing is free. How would you like to pay?/This is the policy for a refund."

Block him and ignore.

Frazzledd · 23/08/2021 23:13

Just binge watched 'You' so might be feeling abit freaked by this sort of thing -however - I'd certainly out him to the group organisers, or do the (ooops) 'Back off psycho!!!' drop in WhatsApp...

Btw, there's nothing wrong with being assertive in this situation, it doesn't make you a bitch, it makes you empowered.

I also wouldn't go quietly, blocking without a strong 'stay away' could lead to him seeking out another way to contact you with a 'I was worried I couldn't get hold of you....' line. He sounds persistent.

SpringlikeBunk · 23/08/2021 23:17

Yes this "type" is common at Meetups sadly

I mean obviously people can and do meet organically and hit it off,

But equally there's a lot of creepy guys who note that events are often full of "attractive women new to town and being socially open" who might be vulnerable to them

They try to "blur the boundaries" and say "you're here to make friends? So we can go out for dinner 1-1 then?"

They want to "make friends" but they're only targeting the single younger women!

I think the vast majority of Meetups I attended had at least one of these "types".

Depending on how much you want to stay in the group, agree with blocking/reporting to organiser?

If he's really bad and the organiser doesn't do anything and you're not that invested in the group detaching is another possibility?

I was at one "30-somethings" group where there was a creep who was clearly in his late 40's/50's, and another creep too, and the organiser wasn't that assertive and didn't want to do anything about it (as the creeps were dominating helping out with organising too!)

So I think the group just died off as no-one new wanted to attend

LadyJaye · 23/08/2021 23:37

@SnatchCassidy

Is it possible he may just have Asperger's and not be very good at reading people and understanding boundaries?
CAN WE FUCKING STOP WITH THIS, PLEASE?

I am autistic and shit like this is so, SO offensive.

Firstly, we no longer refer to it as Asperger's (the Nazi connection makes it a bit problematic - it's simply ASD).

Most people are not dicks. Most people with ASD are not dicks.

Some people are dicks. Some people with ASD are also dicks.

Do you see the lack of correlation there?

todaysdilemma · 23/08/2021 23:47

Oh ignore him now and don't reply. If he messages again, block him. He'll be thick skinned enough to try talking to you at the group. In which case tell him directly that you aren't interested in being friends with him. He's obv only in the group to prowl for single women so be as rude as you need to, to scare him off.

Don't let him taint the group. He's the one who should be feeling embarrassed.

Peach01 · 23/08/2021 23:54

@Crumpets123

Bloody hell. He just messaged me and said "can I ask are you comfortable messaging as just friends or not?"

What!! I literally said I wasn't...why is he so obsessed with someone he has met once?!?! This is so weirc

Don't respond to that. You've been clear no one on one. This is the kind of thing that needs to be nipped in the bud. Any response from you he'll run with, even if it's to tell him to stop. Don't reply.
Hummingbird1950 · 23/08/2021 23:57

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Marmaladeagain · 24/08/2021 00:09

definitely don't worry if someone has AS or whatever. It doesn't matter when it comes to keeping yourself safe.

Original poster
Crumpets123 · 24/08/2021 00:09

I messaged him and said "please don't message me anymore".

I have told the group leader a summary of what has happened. The leader was very empathetic and said they were very upset and frustrated to hear this, and will support me in anyway they can with this and asked me what I would like to happen next.

I've been torturing myself tonight, scared that this guy is a crazy psycho stalker, and I'm scared of repercussions if he gets a warning or kicked out and he will know it was me. I'm actually really frightened. His behaviour has been so intense and abnormal and unstable.

I've even submitted a Clare's law request. I feel really freaked out.

OP posts:
Peach01 · 24/08/2021 00:23

I would feel the same as you but it's good you've alerted someone else. Hopefully it will blow over and he'll learn from it rather than finding another target. I'm not a fan of groups where you're personal number is in the hands of other people so easily. It's invasive and obviously some people don't respect boundaries. Your number gets handed over to people who you might never have given it to if it was in a different setting.

FlorenceNightshade · 24/08/2021 00:27

@Crumpets123 you’ve taken sensible steps to protect yourself. I’m glad you’ve told the leader but is there someone else you can make aware of this in person just in case? You’ve done nothing wrong and you’re not overreacting.
Also how DARE he make you feel this way????

RoseRedRoseBlue · 24/08/2021 00:28

@LadyJaye that was a brilliant post.

Original poster
Crumpets123 · 24/08/2021 00:31

[quote FlorenceNightshade]@Crumpets123 you’ve taken sensible steps to protect yourself. I’m glad you’ve told the leader but is there someone else you can make aware of this in person just in case? You’ve done nothing wrong and you’re not overreacting.
Also how DARE he make you feel this way????[/quote]
I've told my closest friends. Who else do you think I should tell?

OP posts:
Sparklfairy · 24/08/2021 00:31

Ugh these fucking men. I've dealt with these types @Crumpets123, they're not all serial killers don't worry. Sometimes they're just desperate men or simply lonely, though that's no excuse.

LadyJaye · 24/08/2021 00:32

[quote RoseRedRoseBlue]@LadyJaye that was a brilliant post.[/quote]
Thank you. I'm just SO done with this endless, head-tilty MN 'do you think he/she/they might be autistic?' bullshit.