Guy I met at a meetup group will not stop texting

[Crumpets123]

I'm feeling very weirded out and don't know how to handle this without making things awkward.

Recently gone through a breakup just a few weeks ago. Joined my local meetup group to get me out the house and make new friends.

Had a great time at the first event I went to last week. Had some lovely conversations and was a good night despite my initial nerves and reservations!

Was chatting to a group of people including this guy, the others kind of separated off and we continued talking. Wasn't flirty at all from either side (not that I picked up on anyway). He asked me why I joined the group and I talked about my break up etc

There is a group WhatsApp for the group and since I joined that, the guy has been messaging me EVERY day. Lots of wink faces and tongue faces and being very flirtatious. Last night he asked me out for a coffee. I said no and explained that I'm going through a break up, I still love my ex, I don't want to give him the wrong impression, i am only looking for friends, and I don't feel comfortable meeting him 1:1.

He said he completely understood. Today he has messaged me several times asking how I am, sending a photo of his dog etc. I haven't replied.

What do i do? I just want him to stop messaging me!! I feel like it is weird how much he is messaging me when i have met him once and had one conversation and I've told him I'm not interested!!

I really enjoyed the meetup group and i want to continue to go to it, but i feel so awkward now and feel like this guy pestering me has ruined it. I don't want him to be stuck to me at every event and me not be able to get away? I dont know what to say without just being a bitch and making things awkward. But i want him to leave me alone

I am afrod I would be telling the whole group what he is doing In case he is doing it to all or any other people in the group.
That is not good behaviour and it needs calling out and a light shining upon it.

He's not a nice guy, he's an arsehole who isn't respecting your boundaries. You shouldn't have to apologise and you are not a bitch.

He's playing the 'poor me' card to manipulate you, what a creep. He obviously doesn't care about making you uncomfortable, please stop worrying about upsetting him.

Just message back and ask him to stop messaging you full stop. Then block.

You should also speak to whoever organises the group. It is through that that he met you, and they might have rules in place. We do in a similar group I run about how we share information, messages etc.

I would say:
"I have not been 'off' with you, we'll end our chat here"
then block him.

Agree with contacting the organisers of this whatsapp group.

He has persisted in further contacting you despite you telling him not to do so. I would also consider contacting the Police if he remains in contact.

*You have been trained by the patriarchy to confuse “setting healthy boundaries” with “being a bitch.”

If the roles were reversed here do you think he’d give it a second thought before blocking you? He wouldn’t even bother to tell you to back off because you’d already have been written off as a psycho.

I wouldn’t even bother engaging - he’s thick skinned enough (or just thick) to interpret that as encouragement.

Just block him & carry on with the group as if he’d never messaged you in the first place. Never message or respond to him again. If he asks you why just say “don’t know what you’re talking about” and move on.*

This is excellent advice. Don't let this man add any more stress or anxiety to your life, and ruin the group for you. Block him. If you really don't want to do that, a single message saying, "Hi. Happy to chat at the group meetings, but I do not wish to be in contact with you outside of that. Please respect my wishes and stop messaging me."

Him telling you "he's been kind", would make my blood boil. Like you should be oh-so-grateful that he's bestowing his kindness upon poor single you. You need to be firm and direct, or he'll never stop harassing you. And if you show any weakness, he will exploit it. So don't be afraid of telling him to stop, and then ignore him.

Imagine what he's like to date if he's playing the victim act after a bit of messaging. The fact you said no and he's pushing for more shows he's one to completely avoid.

Tell him. Say that you feel the communication is too much too soon and you'd rather keep it to the group communication.

I'd contact the group organiser, there is a chance that he's got form for this.

And send "I'm not interested in one to one messaging and joined Meetup rather than Tinder for this very reason. Cheers".

@Crumpets123

Haha he just messaged me to say that he feels I am being off with him and he is only trying to be kind!

Omg!! We dont even know eachother, we met once!!!! This is so weird!

"Sure - bit much with the messaging tho, so let's leave it there."

As others have said 'just don't reply'

Every time you reply you provide him with opportunity of responfing 'just trying to be nice / help you through it' etc.

Responding, not responfing!

I'd block him.
He doesnt respect boundaries. And he tries to make out you are the one in the wrong for not letting him trample them.

I would guess he is an abuser looking for a new victim.

I would also message the meetup organiser if you intend to gi to more of their meetups and tell them this guy is giving you the creeps and you feel he might pose a threat. It's easy for meetup organisers to block ppl.

Ps, in future, it would be wise to never mention going through a breakup to ppl who are new in your life. If they are predators it tells them you are vulnerable.

"I want you to stop messaging me one to one. I am finding your messages excessive, not kind."

I second speaking to the organiser of the meet up group.

I’ve been in meet up for 9 years and 99% of people are lovely. However, there are some men ( and women) who use it as an opportunity to push boundaries and often latch on to “ nice” newcomers. I had a few incidents as you describe but learnt to toughen up. Now i block any inappropriate behaviour immediately.

Stick with meet up though, i have made lots of lovely like minded friends.

I’d put money on him having done this before. I second contacting the organiser and asking them to make it clear that they’re not running a hook up site. I’d also message this man and say, “I don’t wish to continue this message exchange. Do not contact me further”. You haven’t made things awkward. He has, by pushing your boundaries when you have made it clear you’re not interested.

I bet he has done this or is doing this to other women in the group.

He sounds like a weirdo hoping to pray on your vulnerability so good on you for basically saying bugger off. He’s not respecting that whatsoever. Take great pleasure in blocking him

In this context, it's more than fine to be a "bitch". I get called the "bitchy one" because on nights out if I'm approached by sleazey men, or if one randomly messages me on my social media, I will happily tell them it's inappropriate and I'm not interested. I'm more than happy for that to make me a "bitch".
The last night out I had, I was approached by one man in particular who was trying to buy me drinks, dance with me, even as far as asking my friends for my number - after saying no thank you, to an increasingly more annoyed leave me alone, I told him I would inform the security guards he was harassing me if he didn't fuck off. That did the trick, but he very vocally called me a "cock tease" (I gave him absolutely no attention whatsoever, I was dancing with my friends, but any woman showing cleavage is begging for it clearly) and a "cunt" before walking back to his mates with his tail between his legs.
You don't have to be polite to an asshole who thinks he has the right to continue bothering you.

It's really creepy to take someone's number you have met once from a group whatsapp and start messaging them.

Some people are offended by this opinion, but some Meet Up groups do have weirdos circulating in them. I'm sorry your experience was affected by this.

Either totally block him and if he asks why you don't respond next time you're in your group, just flat out say 'I'm not looking for friendship with men at the moment. You still texted me after I told, ignored my boundaries, so I blocked you'.

That's the direct, polite version. Some women would just say 'Mate, you're just to weird and intense for me. Not interested'

@lyntheyresexpeople Oh dear. Someone got their ego bruise. He was annoyed because he couldn't have you.

This makes me so angry when men do this.

Nothing says harass me like a big fat no.

I'd just block him. Find another meetup. You'd only been once I think. There are others. Hope you're OK.

I messaged him and said I felt uncomfortable and didn't want him messaging me 1:1 anymore. He said that was fine and he understood, but that he only meant as friends and was only trying to be nice and sorry it came off the wrong way. He said he didn't want it to be awkward at meetup. I said "it won't be" and he hasn't messaged further which is good.

If he contacts me again I will contact the organiser.

I just feel so annoyed that the group I joined has now been tainted with his weirdness! And it scares me because he did not seem like that at all in real life. I want to keep going to the group but I feel nervous about seeing him- how should I handle it?

Go to the group and just act normally , don’t make it a ‘thing’ . I’d give him the benefit of the doubt this time .