Totally rejected by my niece and I have no idea why. Absolutely gutted

[northernstar0412]

Hi,
I don't have my own kids and and I love my teenage niece and nephew just as much as if they were my own.

I've spent years doting on them - when they were little, carrying them when they were too tired to walk, playing games with them, taking them to play facilities to give my sister a break, giving them swings till my head span and as they got older going places and doing things with them, cycling, badminton etc. I've almost been like a second mum to them.

My nephew is great and we have a good relationship but I no longer recognise my niece, the younger of the two. She's completely changed since turning 17. She no longer speaks to me if she can help it and avoids me. I went on a long walk with her a few months back where she refused to speak to me at all and put her headphones on to listen to music. I asked her what was the matter but she said "nothing". I was really upset but tried not to show it and let her get on with it.

I used to ring her occasionally to chat, as I live in another city, and she would always talk to me. Not any more. All my calls go unanswered.

She recently visited my city with her mum, who suggested they stay at my place. My niece didn't want to so they stayed in a hotel.

And today in a restaurant with friends I overheard her telling her mum she didn't want to sit next to me. I was so shocked I immediately went over and asked her why and she said she was only joking. But her facial expression when I heard her say that tells me she was not joking.

Now I am wondering why she's giving me the cold shoulder when all her life we've been so close. Do I smell? Am I too ugly or common? Am I badly dressed or loud and embarrassing? Have I said or done something bad or offensive... or not said or done something I should have???

I don't want to make an issue out of it for fear of making things worse. My friend said to take no notice and laugh it off in their presence if it comes up but I feel tearful and feel like I've been kicked in the guts. I'm so upset and feel that the lovely girl I love so much has turned into an alien.

All the previous incidents I forgot about and didn't put them all together, but after today I've recognised a pattern of this coldness towards me over time Maybe I'm being utterly and totally pathetic. Maybe there is something wrong with me.

I'm sorry for unloading my sadness on here and thanks for reading. I really just needed to get the thoughts out of my head.

Hi everyone, I have only just signed up to Mumsnet tonight as I really need some advice/help on this issue. Basically my niece who is 2 1/2 years old has taken a dislike to myself, I have no idea why as I always try and make so much effort with her. She gets so upset when she sees me and then will go to her Mum for comfort. She has recently been saying “Auntie scares me”. I am now wondering if it is my appearance? I know it sounds silly but it is really hurting me, as I want to build such a bond with her and have lovely memories. I feel bad for my sister too, cause whenever I meet up, I am upsetting her daughter. This has only been going on for the last 8 months before then she was always okay with me. I was even pulling up old vids and pics in my phone tonight of us playing/having fun together and it brought me to tears. Please if anyone can advise me on what to do here. Even if someone else has been in a similar situation? Many thanks xxx

@Lauramae1985 Welcome, however I suggest you would be best to post a new and separate thread with your question.

Hi @Lauramae1985

This particular thread didn’t go well, so won’t be a good place to get advice for your own situation as people will be fixated on the opening post and yours will get lost. you will be better starting your own on the relationships board (AIBU can descend into a bun fight).

All you need to do is click on relationships in the blue bar at the top of this thread and start new topic.

For what it’s worth, at 2.5 they can be fickle, just keep being lovely and the phase will pass

Sorry that doesn't sound right to me. Since you've asked her what's wrong and you get 'nothing' it could be time to turn to your sister. That must be absolutely heartbreaking.

@Billybagpuss

Hi *@Lauramae1985*

This particular thread didn’t go well, so won’t be a good place to get advice for your own situation as people will be fixated on the opening post and yours will get lost. you will be better starting your own on the relationships board (AIBU can descend into a bun fight).

All you need to do is click on relationships in the blue bar at the top of this thread and start new topic.

For what it’s worth, at 2.5 they can be fickle, just keep being lovely and the phase will pass

Which they did, as seen by the post below yours.

Dear OP, I googled “niece rejecting me” and found this site. Your experience parallels mine, with a 17 yr old niece who I’ve long seen as a “second daughter”. Went shopping today with her and her younger sister and my questions to the Sales staff were “embarrassing” for her.

There has been a big shift in her behaviour when she turned 17. Up til then, I was the aunt she’d come to for help in school work, taking her places etc. And now it’s eye rolls and her constant state of being embarassed. It hurt deeply and I know exactly how you feel. But reading some of the replies here really helped.

Several ppl here said it’s abt boundaries and respecting hers. I agree and I understand now. I told myself today after this experience with her that I will always be avail to her if SHE needs me. But I will stop having expectations of how she should be with me. Just because I adore her and want to know everything that’s happening with her doesn’t mean she has to comply. I have decided to take a step back now. Someone said it right. I’m her aunt. She has a mother and father. She doesn’t need to reciprocate the love I have for her. But she is loved and as much as it hurts me, I will step back and let her be the person she needs to be.

Thank you for sharing how you felt and thank you to all those who posted. I hope OP things are better. I feel better having read through all the replies.

Hey. My niece is 17. 16 when she left my mom. My mother moved and she wanted to go to the Same school as before. Asked to live with her friend instead. My mother said yes, which in would never. Now she rarely reaches out to her. But she'll never reach out to me. As someone who used to hang with her and do fun stuff. She told me once that I was toxic. Also said I couldn't, "buy her love." I never tried to. I just liked their company and taking them out places and buying them tickets to six flags and schlitterbahn because I liked being around them. He though saw it as me trying to buy her live I guess. So I'm nothing to her. I'm someone who really thinks family is everything. So my heart is broken without doubt. Teenagers.... they hurt man. My 18 year old nephew is amazing and I'm glad I atleast have him. But geez.