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Original poster

Friends late father seduced me when young

153 replies

Havetotsell · 17/08/2021 06:48

Well it’s that really.

My old school friends father passed away recently she worships him but when we were younger he seduced me and took my virginity.

I didn’t feel like it was abuse atall. I was 15 thought I was mature and well when he showed interest I didn’t say no.

It all happened on a hot summers day and I popped over to her house and she was got with her mum.

When I knocked on the door her father came from the side of the house and said they were out and did I want. Drink as they should be back soon . Clearly he knew they would not be.

We chatted and flirted . I enjoyed the attention and well I that was the first time

Should I tell her as I feel very guilty and whilst I thought I was grown up clearly he shouldn’t have.

Welcome thoughts.

OP posts:
acatcalledjohn · 17/08/2021 08:18

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Message withdrawn as it quotes a deleted post.

CrazyNeighbour · 17/08/2021 08:21

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dangerrabbit · 17/08/2021 08:24

Soubds painful to you to hear her talk about him in this way. I agree with others that you should keep your experience to yourself as it will only hurt her and nothing can be done about it now, but maybe for the sake of your own emotional health you should distance yourself from this friendship

Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel · 17/08/2021 08:24

@MessyLifeCleanHouse

That's sickening. He was an adult and she was a child. It was abuse. You are victim blaming and it's unacceptable. Shame on you.

herewegogc · 17/08/2021 08:24

💐

JulesCobb · 17/08/2021 08:27

@MessyLifeCleanHouse reported. Disgusting comment.

Buttons294749 · 17/08/2021 08:29

So sorry to hear this.

You are right to keep this to yourself. Telling her would only hurt her and this is unnecessary

You may also want to generally distance this friendship as seeing her will be a reminder for a long time. I would pull back a bit to preserve your own MH.

QuirkyUsername · 17/08/2021 08:29

It will end your friendship, you will get no closure because he's not alive to take any responsibility.
You will blow up her life, for what? You to no longer hear how much she loves her Dad? It's a selfish act that will destroy your friend. It's not her fault her dad was a scum bag.

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 17/08/2021 08:30

I'm so sorry about what he did to you and I understand why you want to tell her.

But what will happen? She doesn't believe you? Friendship over.
She believes you? She blames you. Friendship over. Or she blames him and her memory of her dad is ripped away from her. Friendship survives, maybe, but now she is in pain and questioning everything.

I guess the question here is -would you feel better about what he did to you if your friend had her world turned upside down? Would you feel happier to see her devastated? Would you feel that some sort of justice had been served if she knew her father was a sexual predator? Only you can answer that.

Candydreamer · 17/08/2021 08:31

@MessyLifeCleanHouse One of the most vile things I've seen on here.

OP, you don't need to keep the experience to yourself forever, I just don't think right now is the time. If you find the friendship too hard to maintain, you can tell her the truth at a later date or find another reason to explain why you are no longer around.

It's an impossible situation. BTW just because you were flattered, don't loose sight of the fact you were a child and he was an adult who obviously knew exactly what he was doing.

Jasmine11 · 17/08/2021 08:32

She probably wouldn't believe you anyway, it would be your work against a dead man who couldn't deny/confirm either way. So you would destroy your friendship and cause your friend massive amounts of hurt for no real reason except spite against her dead father.

QuirkyUsername · 17/08/2021 08:33

To add, I feel for you, I really do, I've been in an incredibly similar situation but after 20 years, but I've found trying to get my friend to hold some kind of weight for her father's actions is not fair and nothing good comes from it. It just causes even more pain and anguish not just for her for you too.

drpet49 · 17/08/2021 08:34

I do wonder how you have managed to stay silent on the matter all these years but now on his death you want to tell your friend.

Sounds like you want to be spiteful for the sake of it.

Kintsugi16 · 17/08/2021 08:34

He’s untouchable now and your friend will be devastated. Your friendship will not recover.

Get help if you need it but please don’t tell her

maddy68 · 17/08/2021 08:34

The time to tell her was years ago not now ...she has wonderful memories of her dad, she is grieving. That would be so terribly cruel . What sort of a friend would do that?

Kintsugi16 · 17/08/2021 08:35

I suspect you think telling her will alleviate her grief. It won’t, it will make it worse.

cariadlet · 17/08/2021 08:37

I agree that there's no point telling her now. He's dead, he can't face charges so it wouldn't achieve anything.

But I don't agree with your decision to keep it to yourself if that means not telling anybody at all. It might help you to talk to a counsellor or a trusted friend or family member.

Btw, he didn't seduce you. You were a child and he was a grown man. He raped you.

Wonderland18 · 17/08/2021 08:37

I was sexually abused as a teenager and once this family member died I made a point to never tell anyone, our family don’t deserve to live with that knowledge or cloud how they thought he was as a person. It’s about saving them hurt over helping me heal.

RantyAunty · 17/08/2021 08:40

Of course don't tell her. It would be cruel.

Imnewhere1991 · 17/08/2021 08:40

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Throughabushbackwards · 17/08/2021 08:42

I can't believe all of the victim blaming on this thread! What a vile man - shagging his child's friend in his own home. While his wife was out Shock

Tell your friend at an appropriate time. That may mean waiting several months but I think she needs to know. It's highly likely (from his behaviour with you) that he was a serial shagger/adulterer, so the family may already know in any case.

Candydreamer · 17/08/2021 08:44

OP I would strongly consider requesting this thread to be taken down, I'm probably going to report it myself. Some of the responses are so disgusting and potentially damaging to other people who have potentially been raped/sexually assaulted. The lack of understanding and victim blaming is turning my stomach.

FarDownTheRiver · 17/08/2021 08:45

I'd want to know.

Candydreamer · 17/08/2021 08:45

@Throughabushbackwards

I can't believe all of the victim blaming on this thread! What a vile man - shagging his child's friend in his own home. While his wife was out Shock

Tell your friend at an appropriate time. That may mean waiting several months but I think she needs to know. It's highly likely (from his behaviour with you) that he was a serial shagger/adulterer, so the family may already know in any case.

Thank goodness someone else sees it for what it is.
Kintsugi16 · 17/08/2021 08:47

I can’t see any victim blaming.

The problem is that the only people who will be hurt by talking now will be the friend and her family. What about the friends poor Mum?