Dating thread 210 - thwarted hearts, fresh starts

[Shayelle2009]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Yeah, I'm keeping my expectations low with this one!

Update from me...Mr Talker still calls ....alot. i turn be my phone off over rh he weekend and he has taken it very personally.... also he dropped into the conversation that he did arrange a date with the other girl he was speaking to but it apparently didn't happen as he cancelled due to being tired... I'm not convinced.. but he wants another date this week so we will see.. .

I mean i turned my phone off...

Mr Irish eventually messaged ‘thanks but no thanks’. Apparently the distance was too far…..which amazingly wasn’t an issue on Saturday night…..it’s a 20 minute drive, but at least I wasn’t ghosted. My brain can’t compute ghosting.
I’m getting no messages, and if I do I get 70 year olds, or really minging ones…….that must be my ‘level’. I feel old, ugly and undateable. How do you know if your profile is attractive to your age group?

@Misty9 I couldn't even tell him why I was crying, every time I tried I cried more so in the end he just held me while I sobbed.

Sounds like a lovely thing to do but I'm mortified I was a snotty, crying mess over a trivial comment😭

My ex husband had 2 friends who he rarely saw, I had quite a few so same as you I lost no friends when we split.
It must be hard for people who have couple friends.

@Mylifestartstoday I guess at least Mr Irish said something rather than hide away. I think everyone goes through phases like this where they feel blah. Try not to let it consume you. Why not get your profile reviewed here, there are a few men here who have given tips too.

Checking in! Thanks @Shayelle2009 for the new thread! Still catching up on the old one. Will get back with comments when i'm up to date.

@troobleflooble your story stuck out though! Yay! Congratulations!

MrElf is still away but contact has been amazing. I mentioned wanting to do a trip together and he's agreed to look into planning someting for October! :) yay! Lately he's asking a lot of questions about sex and what i like/don't like, what i've been up to in the past... is this normal? i've never been adventurous really and what we get up to i really really enjoy but talking about exes and sex seems weird no?

Talking about what you like is good. Communicating about sex is good.
Talking about exes is bad.
I've found when I mention much about what I've done with exes guys try to "compete", so it's a bit odd.

It's good that he's asking what you like. I wouldn't really want to have that exchange by text though as too much can be misconstrued and also, there is a record of it.

FML. After chatting loads all weekend, one of my contacts hasn't been in touch all day yesterday and despite my better judgement I'm dwelling on that waaay too much, and too negatively.

Meanwhile the other chat has swerved from lightweight random fun / easy banter to "have you ever been with a woman before?".

I'm tempted to respond "have you?" 🙄😡

Yes @VanGoghsDog this is what i told him, i said we have to talk face to face about this kind of stuff. And as for talk about exes and bedroom shenanigans i don't think its right either, i'd never think to ask him what he got up to with ex-girlfriends. I think he's insecure because from what i can gather he's had a few serious long-term relationships whereas mine are all much shorter than his. I've also had the FB/FWB situations before (not by choice really but sex was so good seemed a shame to give it up) which he hasn't (or claims he hasn't). It was hard to tell if i was being 'quizzed' or if it was to see how adventurous we could be together. But i shut the conversation down as i feel exactly like you reading these kinds of texts and getting the jist completely wrong can lead to big problems that you just can't sort out when you're apart. I'm also very aware that many of you on here are really 'out-there' with sex i've never been this way so even talking about it is very very new to me. God sounds a bit pathetic to be like this at 34...

Checking in and trying to catchup!
No Date Zeros on the horizon
Mr Older I love the look of but he's barely online
I have unmatched with the other 3 as SO dull and been unmatched by a guy who was very unkind about "fat and ugly people" as he put it - I called him out on it and he called me an amateur psychiatrist and disappeared. Saved me the trouble!
Bumble is awful too. Maybe its me.....

I have told mr complicated it’s a no from me. Got a date zero for Sunday. Older than usual so shall see. Pray for dry weather for me. it’s outdoors.

Hi, may I join in please? Reading this thread has been reassuring whilst I navigated the joys and (mostly) perils of OLD since May.

So far I've had dates with:

A TV reporter who was bright, interesting and lived life to the full. However he was incapable of spending more than half a day in his own company and drank to excess (IMO) which didn't bode well for me as I love my own company and drink very little these days.

A A&E doctor who intellectually and physically was a great match for me. I gently got my hopes up until we went to the restaurant and I witnessed how he spoke to the waitress!

An animated film artist and teacher who was lovely. Very sensitive, considerate and a bit of a dream in many ways but I felt zilch sexual chemistry towards him or from him.

My last attempt was last week. A man who seemed great in so many ways. After our first meet up his messages were considerate and measured with a lot of enthusiasm for our next date. He lived 20 kms away from me (I'm in France) and he suggested this time we meet up for dinner in his home town. Basically he implied he wanted me to spend the night with him. I replied that I wasn't ready for that after one or two dates. He expressed his disappointment but also apologised for being so forward so I thought it was ok to meet anyway. The date went really well, he paid for the drinks, had booked the restaurant, the conversation flowed well although he talked about himself a lot in restrospect.

When he insisted on paying for dinner (I always try to pay too) I tried to kiss him on the cheek to thank him but he veered away just at the moment when the waitress approached us to settle up. I put it down to bad timing except later I lightheartedly brought up that I'd tried to kiss him and he told me with a smirk that he knew. He'd refused the kiss out of revenge for my refusal to stay the night with him. What? Even then I kept things upbeat and kept smiling. At some point I asked him a question relationship-related and he said that I was an overthinker. And that was it. He didn't want to see me anymore!

I'm going to take a break from OLD. At 52 I find it tiring to put the necessary energy and hope into these dates. I have no regrets having tried but the constant disappointments make me feel tired for a couple of days each time after another 'failed date'. Having read through this thread I know I'm not alone in feeling this way.

A friend has just messaged me asking me if I want to go out with her one evening as she has been hiding away after having an abusive psychopath for an ex and wants to go out with someone she is comfortable with. Then she suggested Computer Geek's home town, she doesn't know that he lives there. I'm happy to go there, I'm a big girl and it's not like I'll spend all night checking every guy that I see in case it's him will I?! 🤦‍♀️😂

@oprahwindfuryy I think that’s a very very wise move.

I'm also very aware that many of you on here are really 'out-there' with sex i've never been this way so even talking about it is very very new to me. God sounds a bit pathetic to be like this at 34...

Never compare yourself.

I'm probably quite "out there" when it comes to sex - i.e. not vanilla - but I still really struggle to discuss it. I don't know what I like, I know what I don't like. I didn't know what men are doing when they do things that work so I can't tell them how to do it. They seem to think I have an instruction manual in my head that I'm not letting them see. But I don't.

If truth be told, I'd just like straightforward rampant sex that hits the spot. But getting it to hit the spot without some shenanigans seems impossible, if I can even get it at all!

I don't know what I like, I know what I don't like. I didn't know what men are doing when they do things that work so I can't tell them how to do it

This! I hate being asked what I like! Just get on with it and I’ll tell you if I don’t like it!

gently got my hopes up until we went to the restaurant and I witnessed how he spoke to the waitress! I can guess, but what did he do?

Shiffleuplove, hello ! Each of the five times the waitress came to out table (it was a Saturday evening and the restaurant was teeming with people) he would be really demanding and at times verging on rude. It was a fast food Lebanese place and the treatment he was asking for was just not fitting. I felt so uncomfortable being with him. I tried to appease him and compensated by being extra kind with her but I just saw an arrogant prick in him. And that was that. I tried to talk to him in the car afterwards but he became cold and kept nitpicking my choice of words; no kindness and affection whereas prior to this he'd been generous and loving.

Ugh! Picked you up on your use of words? What an arsehole! You’ve dodged a massive bullet there!

Re the sex thing - is the received thinking still to masterbate before a date to take the edge off?

@Shuffleuplove

Re the sex thing - is the received thinking still to masterbate before a date to take the edge off?

I've never heard that but then I don't go around discussing my masterbation habits really.

Not sure what "edge" it's supposed to take off??

Hi everyone - it's been forever since I have been on here but can see some familiar faces still. Have been off work all week isolating as my daughter had Covid (was meant to be going on a holiday to Greece - grrr... but have rebooked that!)

Good to see @BelladiMamma @SortingItOut @Shayelle2009 @WeWantTheFinestWines @hairyarsedman @eesha and many more that I remember from a few months ago - even if for some of you that means you haven't found true love on the apps yet!

@SortingItOut - hear you regarding the miserable ex flashback. I saw my twat ex when he came to the door (reluctantly) on DD's 18th birthday (yes, we spent it on lockdown) and chose that moment (her 18th!!!) to nag me about the divorce financial settlement. I wanted to rip his throat out through his neck and kick him down the steps! Sympathy to all of you with horrible exes...

I am currently off all the apps and have gone NC with my exes and irons that didn't make it. Even Mr Beard. Finally decided to stop poking that particular wound by pretending I could be his friend.

Am still with Mr G (it will be a year in October) and he is wonderful in every way apart from the complicated situation with his vile freeloading and insane ex (who still intermittently moves back into his home to throw some abuse at him). In retrospect, I should have finished it earlier but left it too late and got in too deep and fell in love with him. It's not an easy situation to cope with though and would counsel against getting involved with anyone with difficult (read actually mental) ex partners. We have discussed one day living together but it is not going to be an easy ride for the next couple of years (or indeed ever - I can see us getting an injunction against her at some point in the future when his kids leave home) but after around 2 years of dating fuckboys, fantasists and maniacs I can see that he is a wonderful person - kind, consistent, easy going, positive and caring - and don't want anyone else.

So ... that's me. I do miss being on here and seeing you all though and this thread has been a wonderful source of support and wisdom over the months and years of craziness. I did get some good anecdotes out of dating and do miss some of the adventures. Weird though they were!

If nobody minds I shall still pop in from time to time to cheer you all on xxx.

@FireandBrimstone

FML. After chatting loads all weekend, one of my contacts hasn't been in touch all day yesterday and despite my better judgement I'm dwelling on that waaay too much, and too negatively.

Meanwhile the other chat has swerved from lightweight random fun / easy banter to "have you ever been with a woman before?".

I'm tempted to respond "have you?" 🙄😡

Yes do 😂 ask him. What a twat.

@UtterSocks

Hi everyone - it's been forever since I have been on here but can see some familiar faces still. Have been off work all week isolating as my daughter had Covid (was meant to be going on a holiday to Greece - grrr... but have rebooked that!)

Good to see @BelladiMamma @SortingItOut @Shayelle2009 @WeWantTheFinestWines @hairyarsedman @eesha and many more that I remember from a few months ago - even if for some of you that means you haven't found true love on the apps yet!

@SortingItOut - hear you regarding the miserable ex flashback. I saw my twat ex when he came to the door (reluctantly) on DD's 18th birthday (yes, we spent it on lockdown) and chose that moment (her 18th!!!) to nag me about the divorce financial settlement. I wanted to rip his throat out through his neck and kick him down the steps! Sympathy to all of you with horrible exes...

I am currently off all the apps and have gone NC with my exes and irons that didn't make it. Even Mr Beard. Finally decided to stop poking that particular wound by pretending I could be his friend.

Am still with Mr G (it will be a year in October) and he is wonderful in every way apart from the complicated situation with his vile freeloading and insane ex (who still intermittently moves back into his home to throw some abuse at him). In retrospect, I should have finished it earlier but left it too late and got in too deep and fell in love with him. It's not an easy situation to cope with though and would counsel against getting involved with anyone with difficult (read actually mental) ex partners. We have discussed one day living together but it is not going to be an easy ride for the next couple of years (or indeed ever - I can see us getting an injunction against her at some point in the future when his kids leave home) but after around 2 years of dating fuckboys, fantasists and maniacs I can see that he is a wonderful person - kind, consistent, easy going, positive and caring - and don't want anyone else.

So ... that's me. I do miss being on here and seeing you all though and this thread has been a wonderful source of support and wisdom over the months and years of craziness. I did get some good anecdotes out of dating and do miss some of the adventures. Weird though they were!

If nobody minds I shall still pop in from time to time to cheer you all on xxx.

What a lovely message and great to see you too. I hear you with your current situation- but that's what love is probably like at our age. We all have baggage and difficult situations- I'm sure some people wouldn't want to be involved with me because of my freakish arse of an ex!

Keep on keeping on though! I hope it goes well xx