Dating thread 210 - thwarted hearts, fresh starts

[Shayelle2009]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

I’m back again. Opinions on this new iron please.
Early 40’s, Separated 4 months. No bad feelings, gave his ex the house, still pays half the mortgage and is living in a bedsit half an hour away so can still see his young children x3. Sound too messy to get involved in?

@oprahwindfuryy - what has he said he's looking for and what are you looking for?

One of my potential date 0s for this week has unmatched me and the other has ghosted me.

Eyeing up the break bench and going to use September as a reset month

@Walkingalot a relationship on both sides

@oprahwindfuryy yes too soon, too messy.

Datezero tomorrow with Mr.Curly.

@oprahwindfuryy I'd walk away, he'll be back with her in a couple of months or at least be trying to get her back.

He sounds very much like Computer Geek , he moved in with a family friend, still paid the mortgage, gave her the house, fresh out of a long term relationship.

I'd run a mile if I was you. 4 months is nothing.

Hi all, checking in. Nil, nada, zero, zilch going on here.

Found you

@Shuffleuplove

Here:

Mr. Social Conscience - fading fast. The more I think about it, the more “no” he is. Had date zero yesterday, good but not brilliant. He’s a lost soul.

Mr. Curly - warming up nicely. Datezero to be sorted but in the offing.

Mr. Retro - super handsome. Arranging a high adrenaline date zero shortly.

I had my first ever EVER date in the best part of two decades yesterday and I’m back on the horse!

Thanks for the new thread @Shayelle2009 🙂

Well done for getting back on the horse @shuffleuplove 😁

Yeah, Mr Social Conscience doesn't sound like a keeper. Turning up hungover would leave me unimpressed. Scruffy I wouldn't mind if he was also handsome. As for being a lost soul, that sounds a bit like he's a fixer upper to me and not my thing.

The other 2 sound hopeful though 🤞

@Shayelle2009

Going to try and ignore the anxiety and go back on the dreaded Tinder pit. Swiped through everyone within a 5 mile radius to try and avoid being spotted whilst out and about!!

Watching your progress with interest as I'm thinking about braving Tinder for the first time next month if Bumble doesn't pick up...

I concur. Think I may have some time out of online dating

@Isitreallyme177

I deleted Tinder again!🤦‍♀️

I used Tinder on my laptop this morning and I literally ended up with Mr Cricket's profile there too (I couldn't bring myself to swipe on him last night). It was also giving me people completely out of my distance range and my age range. What's the point of me specifying 16 miles if it gives me someone 30 miles away.

On the plus side I think he was telling me the truth about being on standby this week. So maybe he was telling the truth about not being on Tinder(maybe he did just delete the app and not his account).

Oh well new week and all that. Happy Monday people 😀

@isitreallyme177 I think the problem with staying friends with Mr Cricket is the potential for you thinking about him to use up a lot of your emotional bandwidth. It's hard to be emotionally available to new connections when you're still thinking about him, iyswim?

He does sound like a lovely person, but an unavailable lovely person. You might be inadvertently making yourself unavailable for someone equally lovely who actually really wants to have a proper relationship with you.

@Shuffleuplove - what is a high adrenaline date?
@oprahwindfuryy - I think even if he genuinely wanted a lt relationship (they could have been over long before they actually broke up) then he's still got months/years ahead sorting out finances and child arrangements.

How do you all feel about regular phone calls from your dates?

MrBE calls at least once a day. I don't live an exciting life (stay at home single Mum) and worry my daily life must sound really boring and I sound stilted I've never encouraged phone calls from irons or dates in the past. I'm on the spectrum (as is my DS) so struggle with social norms.

@RamonaLark

I briefly joined in on this thread when I went on my first ever good first date, and thought, maybe I am ready for dating. A few months later, he is now my boyfriend. Early days, of course.

Now, I have a very stupid question. Other than flings and casual things over the last couple of years, I had only ever been with my XH and we got together at 15. I realise now that I have zero early relationship experience, none at all. I am enjoying it and going with the flow but my stupid question is, does anyone know of any books I can read? Or podcasts I can listen to?

I have been cohabiting/ married since the age of 18. I know how to do married or FWB, no idea about early relationships 😅

@RamonaLark have you tried Baggage Reclaim? Lots of useful stuff about relationships on there.

You’re right! I don’t think I have the head space for it.
I prefer a phone call, messages can get way too much.

@VanGoghsDog

Checking in.

A Tinder chat just totally mansplained to me how I can make myself happier with my appearance. It's hilarious!

My profile says "I'm not as boring as I look", he asked why I said that because he thinks I look cute. I said "because I look like Velma Dinkley's middle aged librarian aunt. Straight brown hair and glasses, yawn, I almost fall asleep looking in the mirror".

Anyway, he has listed out in numbered bullet points how I could change my hair, buy different glasses....it's quite a long list.
He did say brown is his favorite hair colour and he thinks I have kissable lips

I said "you do realize it was joke, right?". He said it was hard to tell (fair enough I guess) but it was a good opportunity to give me some compliments.

It sounds as if he was trying to be complimentary but it backfired a bit. Unsolicited feedback on appearance is an amber flag for me.

Bullet points? I'd be thinking he has way too much time on his hands. Also, thanks mate, I can sort my own personal styling out!

@oprahwindfuryy

I’m back again. Opinions on this new iron please. Early 40’s, Separated 4 months. No bad feelings, gave his ex the house, still pays half the mortgage and is living in a bedsit half an hour away so can still see his young children x3. Sound too messy to get involved in?

@Oprahwindfuryy imo 4 months is too raw and the risk of him being a rebounder or going back to his ex would be too high. Sorry.

@Walkingalot

Thanks Shayelle. Am still seeing MrBE - 2 weeks/4 dates. Dated him 4 yrs ago. Stayed in contact on and off over the yrs and almost dated again 2 yrs ago, just before MrGardner and after MrWow. Am really going to give him a chance this time, despite finding Susan Boyle and Shania Twain in his CD collection! My ExDH leaves end of the month so life should be easier and I can invite MrBE round.

Oh gosh I didn't realise he was the CD criminal.

There could be a very innocent explanation 🤔

@Languidleopard, yep think you’re spot on

Checking in!

Update with Mr Metal:

We had a date on the weekend after I finished work, just a drink as I was working late and he was working early the next morning 😂 For once I decided to properly dress up, heels, dress, jewellery, the lot!

I guess it worked because he invited me to stay the night..😏😉

Happy to report it was great! He is way more passionate and less restrained/shy in private, which I was hoping would be the case 😁 I'm a very passionate person with a huge sex drive so I need some who can match me here. Looking very good so far!

Despite having an early start the next day we had a lovely little lay in. He brought me coffee in bed and we had some lovely cuddles/pillow chat 😊 It was so nice to wake up next to someone again.

Sorry to be a thread hog, it's just so nice to have something positive to talk about for once 😁

@Languidleopard I still think about Computer Geek so I think I'm pretty much stuffed in fairness. I seem to attract nice men who aren't ready or don't want a relationship with me or I attract complete dickheads like Mr Racing who sent me a dick pic 🤢 then told me I was cold and hardwork as I was less than impressed by it and didn't appreciate his attempt at sexting🤮.

Checking in for new thread 🥰🥰 will do an update later

[quote Isitreallyme177]@Languidleopard I still think about Computer Geek so I think I'm pretty much stuffed in fairness. I seem to attract nice men who aren't ready or don't want a relationship with me or I attract complete dickheads like Mr Racing who sent me a dick pic 🤢 then told me I was cold and hardwork as I was less than impressed by it and didn't appreciate his attempt at sexting🤮.[/quote]
Right - YOU don't attract the dicks. They are just dicks and would treat anyone like this except maybe Kate Middleton or the Queen.

And we've all had our fair share of unrequited love interests with OLD. There's a lot of projecting that we are all guilty of, and the only way to counterbalance that is to be honest as Fuck with yourself and other people.

@troobleflooble

Checking in!

Update with Mr Metal:

We had a date on the weekend after I finished work, just a drink as I was working late and he was working early the next morning 😂 For once I decided to properly dress up, heels, dress, jewellery, the lot!

I guess it worked because he invited me to stay the night..😏😉

Happy to report it was great! He is way more passionate and less restrained/shy in private, which I was hoping would be the case 😁 I'm a very passionate person with a huge sex drive so I need some who can match me here. Looking very good so far!

Despite having an early start the next day we had a lovely little lay in. He brought me coffee in bed and we had some lovely cuddles/pillow chat 😊 It was so nice to wake up next to someone again.

Sorry to be a thread hog, it's just so nice to have something positive to talk about for once 😁

That's great 😍