Dating thread 210 - thwarted hearts, fresh starts

[Shayelle2009]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Thanks @BelladiMamma 😁

@Isitreallyme177 , it says a lot more about them than it does you. Sometimes you are just unfortunate enough to encounter multiple knobheads. In addition, when you've been treated badly sometimes unscrupulous blokes can sense this and deliberately target you 😞

Hiya, I'm so new to OLD, I need a bit of courage and some much needed advice. How do I start the conversation once you match on the app. Some of the things the boys have written on their bio just scream time waster
Is self employed code for unemployed?
Also what is with the selfies inside the cars?

There's a lot of projecting that we are all guilty of, and the only way to counterbalance that is to be honest as Fuck with yourself and other people.

This in spades

[quote Isitreallyme177]@Languidleopard I still think about Computer Geek so I think I'm pretty much stuffed in fairness. I seem to attract nice men who aren't ready or don't want a relationship with me or I attract complete dickheads like Mr Racing who sent me a dick pic 🤢 then told me I was cold and hardwork as I was less than impressed by it and didn't appreciate his attempt at sexting🤮.[/quote]
Completely agree with @BelladiMamma. The dicks are dicks with everyone, they're just hoping they find someone who will put up with their shitty behaviour. It is not about you - it's completely on them.

In a way the nice ones are harder to deal with because they have so much potential! It's easy to delete and block someone who sends you a picture of their cock, because they're obviously awful. Harder to do so with someone kind, charming, interesting, considerate. But not available to you.

I feel your pain btw. Mr Breadcrumbs is all of the above and continues to use up a substantial amount of my emotional bandwidth every frigging day 😢 Not being in contact with him is definitely helping though.

@troobleflooble

Checking in!

Update with Mr Metal:

We had a date on the weekend after I finished work, just a drink as I was working late and he was working early the next morning 😂 For once I decided to properly dress up, heels, dress, jewellery, the lot!

I guess it worked because he invited me to stay the night..😏😉

Happy to report it was great! He is way more passionate and less restrained/shy in private, which I was hoping would be the case 😁 I'm a very passionate person with a huge sex drive so I need some who can match me here. Looking very good so far!

Despite having an early start the next day we had a lovely little lay in. He brought me coffee in bed and we had some lovely cuddles/pillow chat 😊 It was so nice to wake up next to someone again.

Sorry to be a thread hog, it's just so nice to have something positive to talk about for once 😁

Fabulous update. Enjoy!

whoop whoop @troobleflooble

Yeh @Isitreallyme177 I think for using the apps one either has to be as resilient as fuck and know 95% contacts are duds and it's like a management communication job keeping on top of it all, or just take a break?

I think the dynamic is definitely that the smoothies with good social skills (MrCricket) feel they have 'lots of options' chasing after them so they don't do any work, and a lot of the other guys get pushy! Not saying that's everyone and a few gems but it's hard work overall.

I know I've got other things going on in my life so feeling too vulnerable to be on there right now.

@saya000

Hiya, I'm so new to OLD, I need a bit of courage and some much needed advice. How do I start the conversation once you match on the app. Some of the things the boys have written on their bio just scream time waster Is self employed code for unemployed? Also what is with the selfies inside the cars?

Personally I don't swipe on the selfies in cars guys, they go straight in bin

I'm self employed and put it on my profile. What are you concerned about in particular? Personally I quite like matching with other self employed people because then the likelihood of a non weekend date is higher

As for the first messages a hi, that looked like fun (if they're pictured doing something) or hi hope you're enjoying our summer out of lockdown. Just something general and not too over thought through

@troobleflooble that’s brilliant!!!

@saya000

welcome

I''d say everyone has different styles - some just start with a "hi" or an emoticon to see if the other person replies, others are a bit more detailed?

Why not try a mix of approaches at the start to see what works for you or what you feel comfortable with?

I've got a car selfie in my profile! It's a private space, neutral background, the light can be quite good and hits your face, mine turned out quite well. So I have no problem with car selfies. Much prefer them to bedroom selfies or bathroom mirror photos, which are way too private for me. Horses for courses...

Lovely to get a happy update trooble

@BelladiMamma and @troobleflooble thank you for some reason I seem to attract the dickheads even in real life. I was walking out the pub and some twat thought he had the right to make a comment about my bust size. Ironically i don't have any pictures that show my cleavage on my profile.

@Languidleopard very true the no communication with Computer Geek has helped but I do keep checking to see if he has read my last message (it's still unread😢) and get excited when I see a notification pop up only to be disappointed.

@SpringlikeBunk yeah I'm not sure I should be on the apps at the moment, not with everything that has been going on. My judgement might be out a little if I try right now.

Thank you! I think I'm just overthinking it all too much. I was on the verge of uninstalling the app but tbh I'm hardly going to meet anyone if I don't try to put myself out there.

@WeWantTheFinestWines

I've got a car selfie in my profile! It's a private space, neutral background, the light can be quite good and hits your face, mine turned out quite well. So I have no problem with car selfies. Much prefer them to bedroom selfies or bathroom mirror photos, which are way too private for me. Horses for courses...

Lovely to get a happy update trooble

Will have to rethink my car selfie allergy 🤔😎

I've somehow managed to have four pictures on my profile, none of which were taken in a car, loo or bedroom!

I wouldn't worry too much about the self employed bit, is it just one of the options to tick? I didn't put my profession on, I just put "consultancy", which isn't a lie.

Be ruthless about ruling people out though, you don't owe anyone anything.

First message - in the old days with fuller profiles, I used to write something about their profile. Now I just say "hi, name, how are you today?" Or something like that. I put their name to show it's not an auto message. But I put very little as you get so few replies it's not worth investing.

Yeh you never know with job titles - some are quite straightforward others not so much. People can be right BS'ers no matter what they put down.

The guy I met off Hinge (not that attractive tbh) said on his profile he'd "got X job title " as if doing it for years.

But actually he's just finishing a training course for it and hasn't actually got a work placement sorted.

@saya000 I'm new at this too. No matches as of yet, I think I'm being really picky, and I might need to ease up a bit just to even get to the point of having a chat. But I won't lower my standards on some of it. Heavy drinker ones, profiles where they're too picky themselves with a list of what they don't want, too many 'lads' photos, urinals in the background (WTF).

I have quite a few likes but as I'm not matching yet, so I'm assuming the likes are guys who like everyone and anyone.

Thanks for the new thread.

@troobleflooble Mr Metal sounds fun☺️

My update is that at the weekend it was my big family BBQ which Mr K came to and met my siblings who he hadn't met and my extended family 😱

The men like him as he's a builder and they're all into property and the women like him because he 'is hot'😂

It went really well, I got drunk and left Mr K to it, he mingled and spoke to everyone and enjoyed himself.

He said afterwards that he liked me even more now he'd seen me drunk as normally I am very sensible and this showed him a different side. I think with Covid there have been no parties or weddings so no chance to get drunk with him.

The next morning he said something which triggered me completely and I couldn't stop crying.
Mr K said that my family had said to him how nice it was to to see me so relaxed and happy at a family event...it just took me right back to when I was married and my ex husband would come to events but I'd always be on edge as he wasn't very sociable and I never knew what sort of mood he would be in, I always drove so he could drink to cope with it all.
I didn't realise how I felt about the past until that comment was made, can't wait to start counselling to address all of this.

Sending you a virtual hug @SortingItOut I'm glad you and Mr K had such a lovely time together!

Yes, I feel like Covid has made everyone behave very sensibly. It's good to be able to let our hair down again finally and show all the different sides we have.

Meanwhile, continuing the theme of potentially hot tradesmen from the last thread. I had a blocked waste disposable pipe on my washer which required attention today.

Unfortunately, I got one of the very young ones again and we ended up talking about where he and his girlfriend and their kids are going on holiday.

On the positive side he was very nice, polite and on time. Also charged me as per quote.

Checking in. Lovely to read some happy updates @SortingItOut and @troobleflooble and hope the posters having a hard time can get some irl support and self care. Life's bloody hard sometimes.

So my update... I have an iron! 😂 I'll call him Mr runner. We only matched a few days ago but the chat has been constant and we met yesterday. All good and the chat continues, albeit mostly a decidedly non PG theme but that's fine with me and time will tell if he's being honest about wanting a relationship. Couple of other chats going but nothing as interesting. If you've been messaging a match back and forth for a couple of days, but they don't ask any questions and the last message didn't warrant a response... Would you just let it fade or message to say thanks but no thanks?

@SortingItOut the being on edge with the ex at family things is so familiar to me! How nice though that Mr K got on so well with your family and you felt comfortable enough to relax and let your hair down with him there. Sounds like a good one
@troobleflooble Great update

My update
Had a date zero today with Mr ‘I can’t remember what name I gave him’ and it was lovely. I was so nervous but once I relaxed we had a lovely chat for an hour and a nice car park kiss afterwards, which in the words of Queen Maura Higgins definitely gave me ‘fanny flutters’
I would see him again even though physically he’s not my type, personality wise he was great and a great kisser.
Got one brief text from Mr intense today but I’m going to friendzone him as he has too much going on and he could do a Mr TG and push me away.
Moved my date with Mr Lumberjack to Thursday but feel like Mr no name is the front runner now and I prefer to focus on one at a time

@Misty9 I would let those chats fade. And ooh for Mr Runner

Thanks for new thread

I'm still over thinking whether I've made the right decision about MrHair but its done now so need to move on. Have the kids this week so they will keep me busy and hopefully take my mind off things

@troobleflooble yaaaay for that update!! So glad you had a lovely time 😍🥰🥰

@Languidleopard haha I am probably not the best person to be inspiring anyone to go on the apps! I’m full of negativity towards them! Shouldn’t be bothering really. I’ve swiped right about 15 times dince this morning and got zero matches. Garrrgh I hate it but I’m bored shitless working from home, living alone omg it’s so BORING just want to chat to someone! Why is it so hard to find!
I actually can’t wait for our ‘forced’ return to the office later this year!! Covid or risk or not I dont know how people work from home permanently it’s driving me bananas! Being alone all day 😩