Dating thread 210 - thwarted hearts, fresh starts

[Shayelle2009]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Dirtyduck

Post date update as promised: He arrived with a lovely bottle of wine (despite me telling him not to bring anything). We ate, had some interesting discussion, then cuddles and kissing which turned a little more passionate, We didn't DTD though, but did pretty much everything else 😳.

He's already text me to say that he had a wonderful time and I'm feeling totally buzzing. We didn't have a discussion on exclusiveness or still being on the apps, but will definitely bring it up soon.

Regarding sexting...
I only did it with my first iron, I think at that point I just wanted someone to show me some interest, after my exh told me I wasn't desirable I needed someone to really want me, it felt like the right thing to do - I enjoyed it and had a lot of fun. I wouldn't rule it out again, but would only do it with an iron I'm really into now.

Great news! Sounds like a lovely night

Looking at "slow dating" as a speed dating option now - seems less London focused (and full of slightly dull geeky boyfriend material types according to testimonials)

@Dancerinthemoonlight not sure if the age ranges are too old for you but I know you were after something more serious so might be better than Copper Dating

Events are more than £5 but if you don't get a match next event is free

@Walkingalot hope you’re ok after that let down. Did you send him some shit, or just unmatch and gone? Sounds like he’s married or something, maybe the wife was unexpectedly present.

I wish there was a way to block a number on whatsapp then delete it too so their mug isn’t still languishing there in your blocked numbers 😠

@Dirtyduck waa hooo for sparks flying there!! 💫💫

I’m beginning to wonder if there’s a technical issue with bumble. Been on it a week, had quite a few matches, not a single one sent a reply to my initial hello message. I’d say I’ve sent maybe 15 -20 messages in the last week. Does seem strange as it’s never been that dry before?!?

@BelladiMamma

Omfg MrIrish has sent me the second message in two days worried about me not liking him enough for our date

🤦🏻‍♀️

Brave heart never won fair lady etc etc

That’s kind of offputting isnt it 😟

[quote Shayelle2009]@Walkingalot hope you’re ok after that let down. Did you send him some shit, or just unmatch and gone? Sounds like he’s married or something, maybe the wife was unexpectedly present.

I wish there was a way to block a number on whatsapp then delete it too so their mug isn’t still languishing there in your blocked numbers 😠

@Dirtyduck waa hooo for sparks flying there!! 💫💫[/quote]
You can delete the number too, go into the number and edit then scroll down and delete. Same with contacts

Yeah but you can still see the number and face in the blocked contacts 😣

@Shayelle2009 yes it is. I understand that we all go through our fears and anxieties before meeting up but all we have planned is a stroll along the seafront and a bag of chips. The self sabotage and second guessing is real, and it's bloody annoying.

I've made it clear I want to meet and there's not much more I can do from there. I don't want another wasted child free night

@Shayelle2009

Yeah but you can still see the number and face in the blocked contacts 😣

I don't if it's deleted?

[quote BelladiMamma]@Shayelle2009 yes it is. I understand that we all go through our fears and anxieties before meeting up but all we have planned is a stroll along the seafront and a bag of chips. The self sabotage and second guessing is real, and it's bloody annoying.

I've made it clear I want to meet and there's not much more I can do from there. I don't want another wasted child free night [/quote]
Yeah you don’t want the kind of guy who’s deeply insecure and you’re constantly having to feed that. What would he be like in day to day life.. annoying. I guess you can only tell if you meet in person though!

@Shayelle2009 I also feel like it's a convenient excuse not to meet?

There seems to be an epidemic in my irons of low level anxiety / not ready to meet / life challenges. I am part of that epidemic but I've decided that I'm back for dating despite accident / Covid / life knock backs.

The good thing out of all of this is that I am not sitting here pining for anyone. I feel like BeardFlake is out of my system and MrBear and MrGinger and all the other short lived wonders are 💯 over.

Which must mean I'm ready to meet someone without (too much) compromise...!

I have a date zero finalised with Mr Eckectic for Monday eve 😁

We're meeting for a coffee at 5. He's asked whether I need to leave at a certain time. I don't really, but I'm not sure how to respond?

I don't want to leave Dd on her own too late, although I'll be local and she's almost 14 so accustomed to being on her own for a few hours.

However...what if we really don't get on? How do I leave myself an escape route without it being super obvious that's what I'm doing?

@Languidleopard

I have a date zero finalised with Mr Eckectic for Monday eve 😁

We're meeting for a coffee at 5. He's asked whether I need to leave at a certain time. I don't really, but I'm not sure how to respond?

I don't want to leave Dd on her own too late, although I'll be local and she's almost 14 so accustomed to being on her own for a few hours.

However...what if we really don't get on? How do I leave myself an escape route without it being super obvious that's what I'm doing?

You can leave it vague? Eg 'depends on DD's plans' and then either go with the flow and stay out as long as you're comfortable or if you don't like him, say you're sorry but DD's plans changed so you have to get back with a 'teenagers, eh?' Sort of thing

@BelladiMamma

Omfg MrIrish has sent me the second message in two days worried about me not liking him enough for our date

🤦🏻‍♀️

Brave heart never won fair lady etc etc

Faint heart I think …

... but here’s an alternative take: you recently suspended being pro-active in commas and decided to sit back and wait to see who was keen. Maybe he (like many of this thread do) interpreted this as being given the go slow, and some anxiety was then triggered …

proactive in comms (ffs!) not commas 🤦‍♂️

@Languidleopard

I have a date zero finalised with Mr Eckectic for Monday eve 😁

We're meeting for a coffee at 5. He's asked whether I need to leave at a certain time. I don't really, but I'm not sure how to respond?

I don't want to leave Dd on her own too late, although I'll be local and she's almost 14 so accustomed to being on her own for a few hours.

However...what if we really don't get on? How do I leave myself an escape route without it being super obvious that's what I'm doing?

You’re entitled to leave yourself an escape route.

It’s no business of his as to whether you want to, or indeed are able to, have a late one or not. It’s a first date - for both of you it’s about feeling things out. If he’s asking you because of some logistical thing like he could only get a table at 9pm or something like that, fair enough … but he needs to spell that out, and again solicit agreement on the format in the first place.

Thanks @BelladiMamma and @HairyArsedMan - really helpful thoughts.

Initial impressions of this guy are good, but I'm really aware that could all turn to dust when we meet IRL.

@HairyArsedMan thanks, that's helpful. It came at the end of a nice evening of texting and voice notes and then he said this. But it's true that he's been second guessing me on a couple of things that I've had to put him straight on, mainly about our respective situations. He hasn't done the 'posh bird' thing but similar.

SUCH. A. Minefield. Half of which wouldn't happen if we just met in a pub like in the good old days 😂🙈

@Languidleopard

Thanks *@BelladiMamma and @HairyArsedMan* - really helpful thoughts.

Initial impressions of this guy are good, but I'm really aware that could all turn to dust when we meet IRL.

Yes & for a first date even if you're both keen best not to have the pressure of the long drawn out 5 course chef's special

@SpringlikeBunk thank you for the recommendation. No events by me at the moment but I will keep an eye out. Not sure if it's the same one but there is one by me with terrible reviews on Facebook.

I deleted all my profiles last night so starting my old break a week earlier than planned. I will re-create profiles in October and just focus on myself for the next 6 weeks.

@BelladiMamma I'd have that amber flagged I think, it is nerve wracking to meet someone new especially if you're into them, but it can get exhausting to constantly need to reassure someone that you like them and they're "good enough" whatever that means. Really good point by @HairyArsedMan though that he could have sensed the pulling back.
I'd keep it vague too @Languidleopard something like "can't have a late one with DD at home" but not put a time on it. A late one can be open to interpretation and depend how you get on. Good luck!
Great update @Dirtyduck!
Sounds odd @Shayelle2009 is it worth reinstalling or is there something amiss in your settings?

@BelladiMamma maybe he's had quite a few rejections and is just sick of going through it.. he obviously thinks you're lovely!!

@Heartbeats0708 I don’t know. Definitely not trying to sound big headed but when I’ve previously been on bumble I’ve usually managed to get at least one chat from the matches I’ve had. Seems a bit strange but hey maybe I am just grotesque 🥲😂

[quote Shayelle2009]@Heartbeats0708 I don’t know. Definitely not trying to sound big headed but when I’ve previously been on bumble I’ve usually managed to get at least one chat from the matches I’ve had. Seems a bit strange but hey maybe I am just grotesque 🥲😂[/quote]
I agree with PP maybe there's a technical thing?