Dating thread 210 - thwarted hearts, fresh starts

[Shayelle2009]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@CatJumperTwat

Thank you Shayelle2009. I put my cat in a jumper and then felt like a right twat.

Things are looking up. I had a message from a woman on another continent who says it's okay because she likes "fatty girls." Romance isn't dead!

Well, unless by "continent" you mean "planet" I'm not sure you're far enough away from her!

@CatJumperTwat

Oh god. Sounds familiar. Some nice people and gems on apps but also have to wade through an army of rudeness, microaggressions, creeps and degenerates to get there!

Welcome

Supposed to see MrBE tonight but no communication, again. This is becoming a habit. He asked if I was free tonight (after our 10min date Sat) and I said yes and now nothing. It's 5.30, so do I curl up on sofa/listen to music drinking wine or wait for him to reply to my msg? Argh!!!!!

@CatJumperTwat

Thank you Shayelle2009. I put my cat in a jumper and then felt like a right twat.

Things are looking up. I had a message from a woman on another continent who says it's okay because she likes "fatty girls." Romance isn't dead!

Omg 😱 duck right off with the fatty comments!

Fwiw I'm bi and use bumble, but I also live near a very queer city so get a fair amount of choice

@Walkingalot if he hasn't contacted you and hasn't replied to your message I wouldn't be meeting him. Is it possible he's in work and hasn't seen your message / can't use his phone?

@Walkingalot

Supposed to see MrBE tonight but no communication, again. This is becoming a habit. He asked if I was free tonight (after our 10min date Sat) and I said yes and now nothing. It's 5.30, so do I curl up on sofa/listen to music drinking wine or wait for him to reply to my msg? Argh!!!!!

Annoyed on your behalf!

You could just text him and say you've made other plans to lie on your bed drinking

Thank you for the welcomes

To be fair to the fatty woman, I did say in my profile I'm big (I photograph well and don't want any false expectations) and I think there's a language barrier. Still made me lol.

This is how OLD makes me feel 😬

https://open.spotify.com/track/7jJKNG1a6J1EmovRTjGMb7?si=vqItm4ycR66ttKaJ1eGcQ&dlbranch=1

@dancemom and @BelladiMamma - he's off work for 2 weeks. He hasn't looked on his phone since this morning. Absolutely fair enough if he's got other plans but ffs tell me! In my msg 30mins ago I even gave him the option of leaving it til another day - still unread.
Think I'll wait another 1/2hr and then msg saying I'm off out round a mates but really listening to music drinking wine at home.

[quote Walkingalot]**@dancemom* and @BelladiMamma* - he's off work for 2 weeks. He hasn't looked on his phone since this morning. Absolutely fair enough if he's got other plans but ffs tell me! In my msg 30mins ago I even gave him the option of leaving it til another day - still unread.
Think I'll wait another 1/2hr and then msg saying I'm off out round a mates but really listening to music drinking wine at home. [/quote]
Nope. Just nope. You've got a date with a hottie you don't just mooch around not organising anything and not texting in the morning. Tbf some people are life's self saboteurs but who gives a damn they shouldn't draw you into it!

40 mins until MrMud gets here and I'm feeling a little nervous. I think he's looking forward to it, he's been texting all day 😂.

I'll update you all later...

@Dirtyduck

40 mins until MrMud gets here and I'm feeling a little nervous. I think he's looking forward to it, he's been texting all day 😂.

I'll update you all later...

Best of Irish ☘️

@BelladiMamma - I've just checked - he was last on at 5.30 but still no green ticks (WhatsApp) - what's that about!!!!
That song was a bit deep. Is it about one man in general or all of them?
@Dirtyduck - Loo update!

[quote Walkingalot]@BelladiMamma - I've just checked - he was last on at 5.30 but still no green ticks (WhatsApp) - what's that about!!!!
That song was a bit deep. Is it about one man in general or all of them?
@Dirtyduck - Loo update! [/quote]
I don't know re the song 😂 it just brilliantly expressed rage against the apps

Right, am popping to the corner shop for wine. Will leave phone at home so I can ignore the non existent phone call!

@VanGoghsDog

Update - I have fifteen matches on Tinder, of which only five spoke to me. Or, to be fair, me to them.

All chats have dwindled out. I suppose I could kick start a few more and see how they go.

Meanwhile, MrWG and I see each other about once a week and last week, at last, DTD. Which I think he is very happy about. He's away for two weeks now but has been more communicative than usual. I rarely hear much from him when he's away but he messaged Sunday, then last night sent a load of photos. He's been responding to things I've sent too and last night he sent the last message and then sent the first one today (he doesn't go in for "morning!" or "night" messages, they were actual messages).

I've looked back on the Meet Up app and found we first met on 7th Jan 18, and I can honestly say that I have dreamed of having him in my bed ever since then. I've found a photo of us chatting the next time we met on 14th. I then didn't see him for months and months.

Oh god, I'm doomed, aren't I?

Re MrWG have you been surprised by the turn of events, how does it feel? You sound it 🥰

At least you can keep going with tinder without any guilt

I like his line that he's not boyfriend material. I might steal that ...

Can I ask all you lovely ladies what your views on sexting are?

If I fancy someone I find it quite liberating. Obviously consensual etc but there's something quite thrilling about a flirtation that goes deeper and deeper and veers off piste, when both parties are up for it.

This time last year I'd have been deeply disturbed by it!! Now I just feel way freer in the way I interact with people

@Walkingalot

Right, am popping to the corner shop for wine. Will leave phone at home so I can ignore the non existent phone call!

I'll come over 😂

Re MrWG have you been surprised by the turn of events, how does it feel? You sound it 🥰

At least you can keep going with tinder without any guilt

I like his line that he's not boyfriend material. I might steal that ...

I was surprised a few weeks ago when he suddenly started talking about meeting up regularly, and he put a week of dates in Nov aside for us, and says he'll keep Wednesdays free if he can as I get a double lunch hour so we could meet up on a Wednesday in the day, and he suggested something for NYE.
All seems pretty committed and future focused to me.
I told a mutual friend and she said she's never known him to make any plans like that with a woman.
I also know he's told a friend of his that he is "seeing someone". He sent me a copy of the text she responded with.

So I feel like he's getting more into me and is opening up a bit more.

He's sent another load of photos today (not of himself, of random people doing random stuff).

It's a very complex scenario, between his kinks and his ED (which the amateur psychologist in me can see are intrinsically linked!) it's not by any stretch of the imagination "normal". But it's fine with me, he knows I'm not a kink dispenser and I will choose what I get into. To be fair, we've barely had an opportunity to get into any kink stuff, just slowly moving towards it and discussing it. But there has been one thing and it's most certainly that which led to his ability to DTD on Sat, though obviously I've not mentioned this to him.

And yes, I can meet guys for dates but it feels unfair on them. What I really need is just a fuck buddy, to be honest. If I was getting that I'd be way more into the kink stiff as I'd be less frustrated!

@VanGoghsDog

Re MrWG have you been surprised by the turn of events, how does it feel? You sound it 🥰

At least you can keep going with tinder without any guilt

I like his line that he's not boyfriend material. I might steal that ...

I was surprised a few weeks ago when he suddenly started talking about meeting up regularly, and he put a week of dates in Nov aside for us, and says he'll keep Wednesdays free if he can as I get a double lunch hour so we could meet up on a Wednesday in the day, and he suggested something for NYE.
All seems pretty committed and future focused to me.
I told a mutual friend and she said she's never known him to make any plans like that with a woman.
I also know he's told a friend of his that he is "seeing someone". He sent me a copy of the text she responded with.

So I feel like he's getting more into me and is opening up a bit more.

He's sent another load of photos today (not of himself, of random people doing random stuff).

It's a very complex scenario, between his kinks and his ED (which the amateur psychologist in me can see are intrinsically linked!) it's not by any stretch of the imagination "normal". But it's fine with me, he knows I'm not a kink dispenser and I will choose what I get into. To be fair, we've barely had an opportunity to get into any kink stuff, just slowly moving towards it and discussing it. But there has been one thing and it's most certainly that which led to his ability to DTD on Sat, though obviously I've not mentioned this to him.

And yes, I can meet guys for dates but it feels unfair on them. What I really need is just a fuck buddy, to be honest. If I was getting that I'd be way more into the kink stiff as I'd be less frustrated!

A decent FWB or FB that doesn't flake and is there for you in various scenarios is like gold dust isn't it? Let's you pursue other connections whilst feeling good about your sex life so you're not just rushing into anything with any one

@BelladiMamma

Can I ask all you lovely ladies what your views on sexting are?

If I fancy someone I find it quite liberating. Obviously consensual etc but there's something quite thrilling about a flirtation that goes deeper and deeper and veers off piste, when both parties are up for it.

This time last year I'd have been deeply disturbed by it!! Now I just feel way freer in the way I interact with people

Years ago, I used to be into it, at the right sort of time and circs.

The issue for me now is that a) guys seem to force it and if it's not just happening naturally it doesn't work, b) I get more turned on by good conversation than by dirty talk these days! A good bit of social policy discussion where you go deeply into issues and both feel strongly about social justice and I'd be ready to shag him!

But I would only do it with someone I'd met so I had a good feel for whether I properly fancied them.

@VanGoghsDog I hate it if someone forces it. And yes it's always after the person has managed to turn me onto them in other ways.

It's interesting though, it's like deep flirtation for me now. My major issue is whether or not it then goes on to cause performance anxiety in guys? Or whether or not they'll cope with you turning them down at a later point?
I deal with that by 'stress testing' the conversations a few times beforehand

@SpringlikeBunk don’t forget the potatoes, in various states of decomposition!!

A decent FWB or FB that doesn't flake and is there for you in various scenarios is like gold dust isn't it? Let's you pursue other connections whilst feeling good about your sex life so you're not just rushing into anything with any one

I did have a great FB in 2018, reached out to him recently, but he's not come back on my offer a month or so ago.

MrWG I think sees himself in the FWB category.

The bit I'd still be missing would be the guy to take to parties, or funerals, or to call up when I'm upset or ill.

@CatJumperTwat i like the name even more now I know the story behind it 😂😂🤙