Dating thread 210 - thwarted hearts, fresh starts

[Shayelle2009]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Walkingalot that would be an unmatch from me, but I’m hard work so 🤷‍♀️
It’s just fucking rude though!!!

Can I ask all you lovely ladies what your views on sexting are?

I like it but it’s bloody hard to get the chemistry right ! I had some guy off tinder who was amazing
I can’t say how but whatever he told me to do
It worked

But like you said if you sext and meet them
They are so expecting a fuck
And what if you don’t fancy them

But , it has a place !!!

@VanGoghsDog and @BelladiMamma

Yy I definitely agree with that observation

that it used to feel quite “interesting” and out there and “part of the broader picture of flirting and building chemistry”.

And you felt the guys really were excited by it/felt special to them?

Now it feels quite “stale” as if guys are just porn desensitised and expecting it to replace normal social conventions? Like ordering things off onlyfans

And it’s like if you’re not agreeing to send five daily photos and videos performing porn moves you’re “boring”.

But it’s not even that the guys are excited by this or there’s any sense of “intimacy” - it’s just control and lack of basic communication skills.

[quote SpringlikeBunk]**@VanGoghsDog* and @BelladiMamma*

Yy I definitely agree with that observation

that it used to feel quite “interesting” and out there and “part of the broader picture of flirting and building chemistry”.

And you felt the guys really were excited by it/felt special to them?

Now it feels quite “stale” as if guys are just porn desensitised and expecting it to replace normal social conventions? Like ordering things off onlyfans

And it’s like if you’re not agreeing to send five daily photos and videos performing porn moves you’re “boring”.

But it’s not even that the guys are excited by this or there’s any sense of “intimacy” - it’s just control and lack of basic communication skills.[/quote]
Yeah so that's the thing. It has to happen after a whole series of exchanges and it's never 'do this or do that' for me.

If anything I'll move the conversation in a slightly more edgy flirtatious direction and see if they run with it. They have to have great communication skills and appear to be very into me for it to work at all. Otherwise I just cut them off and say I'm not into it

Bear in mind i am the girl who used to flash her boobs at her boyfriend to get him to leave work on time 😂😂😂

@Thisisworsethananticpated

Can I ask all you lovely ladies what your views on sexting are?

I like it but it’s bloody hard to get the chemistry right ! I had some guy off tinder who was amazing
I can’t say how but whatever he told me to do
It worked

But like you said if you sext and meet them
They are so expecting a fuck
And what if you don’t fancy them

But , it has a place !!!

I've only done it with a couple.

I disagree that they expect it if you meet. This was Mr penpal. He was the perfect gentleman when we met, not a thing did he expect.

No msg, no phone call. Not sure if he's pissed off with my earlier msg - offering another day if he was busy. Maybe I came across as 'not bothered'. Feel like it's a failure in communication. I am not sending any more messages though.
Sexting - when I first started OLD (4 yrs ago) I was a bit naive and stupidly got draw into this. I absolutely wouldn't now. It's a total turn off.

@Walkingalot

That’s just rude agree with @Shayelle2009 I’d let him go over this.

It’s nothing you’ve done wrong

Flaky people don’t change and unless you’re part of a big social group where you can “see them as that group” you can’t trust him in the future to commit to plans

@Walkingalot

No msg, no phone call. Not sure if he's pissed off with my earlier msg - offering another day if he was busy. Maybe I came across as 'not bothered'. Feel like it's a failure in communication. I am not sending any more messages though. Sexting - when I first started OLD (4 yrs ago) I was a bit naive and stupidly got draw into this. I absolutely wouldn't now. It's a total turn off.

You've done absolutely nothing wrong. Given the strange 10 minute date on Saturday I'd say he has something else going on in his personal life that you're better off out of

@BelladiMamma - Sadly, I'm beginning to think this. I feel like I'm in reserve.

[quote Walkingalot]@BelladiMamma - Sadly, I'm beginning to think this. I feel like I'm in reserve.[/quote]
I was thinking more like a chaotic personal life, who knows, but probably something more complicated than 'just' another woman. The whole thing doesn't add up and I'd steer well clear xx

I msg him at 5.15 "Hi. Hope you've had a nice day. Did you want to see me tonight or give it a miss till w/e? xx"
If he took offense at that then I am really done. He's still not even looked at it although he was last on at 5.30.
Back on the apps then - as I'm a glutton for punishment!

Am not sure whether to call him out on it all though. Maybe I'll decide in the morning, when I have a clearer head. Currently listening to Absolute Radio 70's and polished off a bottle of red.

So rude and unnecessary walking. I had an iron a while back suggest a date and a venue and ask me what time would work for me. I told him and never heard from him again! And he's just liked me on Match! Some men just aren't worth your time and energy.

@Walkingalot

Am not sure whether to call him out on it all though. Maybe I'll decide in the morning, when I have a clearer head. Currently listening to Absolute Radio 70's and polished off a bottle of red.

I think that's definitely the right mode in which to call them all out

A big red wine absolute radio 📻 putting the world to rights kind of a mood

I feel sorry for guys they don't get to have crazy evenings like that 😂

Ok BelladiMamma - What shall I write? Lol. I'm game. I'm well oiled.

@Walkingalot

Ok BelladiMamma - What shall I write? Lol. I'm game. I'm well oiled.

Tbh I'd just be, thanks but no thanks! Less is more.

But I'd happily sit up drinking for an evening and composing outrageous hilarious messages to these flakes!!

Omfg MrIrish has sent me the second message in two days worried about me not liking him enough for our date

🤦🏻‍♀️

Brave heart never won fair lady etc etc

Just want to switch my phone off so I don't collect another 'I'm not good enough' message on my WhatsApp.

Unfortunately I can't because DS is out til late.

🤦🏻‍♀️ if I come across one more flake ... totally adjusting down my expectations

MrDJ has totally disappeared
MrItaly still seems keen but we can't coordinate dates
MrIrish ... Fuck knows
MissChelsea nothing in days

... incredible how things can just flake away like that

It's like boundary testing or something? I'm not good enough, pick me! Persuade me you want me! Oh no I'm not good enough!

Utterly maddening

I have another date with Mr Lumberjack tomorrow night- 2 dates in six days and a phone call in between. Plus he sent me a random message last night saying a particular movie was starting on tv…just makes me feel all warm and fuzzy to know he’s thinking of me, wants to see me. Of course I worry that if things get to the dtd stage that the keenness will wear off, as I have experienced before, but he has done nothing yet to make me think he’s like that.
Definitely over-investing as per usual

@Walkingalot he sounds flaky and inconsiderate.

Whatever the reason for him disappearing, he doesn't sound like he's in the right headspace for dating. It would have taken him 30 seconds to respond to your message; it's really poor that he didn't.

I wouldn't contact him. Instead, get on with your life. Sometimes silence is the best response.

@MayEye

I have another date with Mr Lumberjack tomorrow night- 2 dates in six days and a phone call in between. Plus he sent me a random message last night saying a particular movie was starting on tv…just makes me feel all warm and fuzzy to know he’s thinking of me, wants to see me. Of course I worry that if things get to the dtd stage that the keenness will wear off, as I have experienced before, but he has done nothing yet to make me think he’s like that. Definitely over-investing as per usual

@MayEye 🥰 tbh it's the random message about the film that would have got me, but 2 dates in 6 days plus a phone call...also very nice.

Whatever happens in the future you should enjoy the connection you have now because it sounds lovely.

@BelladiMamma yeah, I'm beginning to realise this dating thing is a bit like herding kittens. Or making it through an assault course.

First trawling the profiles for someone you like and who also likes you...then hoping they respond to your message...then when they do, waiting to see if they randomly disappear...then if you manage to strike up some rapport via the dodgy medium of text messaging ...you try to arrange a mutually convenient "date"...several weeks later you finally meet and find they look nothing like their profile pictures and delete and block them...

Remind me why we're all doing this again? 🤣

[quote Languidleopard]@BelladiMamma yeah, I'm beginning to realise this dating thing is a bit like herding kittens. Or making it through an assault course.

First trawling the profiles for someone you like and who also likes you...then hoping they respond to your message...then when they do, waiting to see if they randomly disappear...then if you manage to strike up some rapport via the dodgy medium of text messaging ...you try to arrange a mutually convenient "date"...several weeks later you finally meet and find they look nothing like their profile pictures and delete and block them...

Remind me why we're all doing this again? 🤣[/quote]
Yup. You've nailed it 🤦🏻‍♀️😂

Post date update as promised:
He arrived with a lovely bottle of wine (despite me telling him not to bring anything). We ate, had some interesting discussion, then cuddles and kissing which turned a little more passionate, We didn't DTD though, but did pretty much everything else 😳.

He's already text me to say that he had a wonderful time and I'm feeling totally buzzing. We didn't have a discussion on exclusiveness or still being on the apps, but will definitely bring it up soon.

Regarding sexting...
I only did it with my first iron, I think at that point I just wanted someone to show me some interest, after my exh told me I wasn't desirable I needed someone to really want me, it felt like the right thing to do - I enjoyed it and had a lot of fun. I wouldn't rule it out again, but would only do it with an iron I'm really into now.