I left my strangling ex almost 20 years ago now. I felt the pull you are describing in the first few days but as the days went on, I felt less fragile and dependent, and felt the healing begin.
I have never once regretted leaving. My only regret was that I didn't walk right out the door at the very first instance of violence.
I reached out to friends, and made some amazing new ones. I also dropped the ones who were charmed by him and believed the lies he told them.
I got some counselling for the first six months which helped me grow stronger and more aware and built up my self worth to a normal standard- best money I ever spent!
I filled my days with meeting friends, taking up hobbies and exercise things and kept busy with work as well. All those things will help distract you from that inner voice that programmed you all these years. I also cooked myself all the foods I liked but he hated, wore the clothes I loved but he hated, cut my hair the way I wanted to just to remind myself I didn't have to compromise myself for him, ever again.
I kept a journal which really helped me process my feelings and what I wanted to say to him - burned it a year later when I no longer needed it.
I'm with DP 17 years now and every one of those has been happy and tranquil. We aren't perfect, but we are kind and considerate to each other in all aspects of our relationship and that goes an awful long way to a happy relationship.
I fully expect to someday see my ex arrested for harming his partner.
So baby steps, ok? There are some days you'll feel on top of the world, and other days where you are second guessing yourself - ride those out. You've done the hardest bit - leaving. Now comes maintaining that resolve - hard as well but it gets much easier after a few weeks when you see the progress you've made and see glimpses of the person you are becoming.
