Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Help. I'm on a date. I've read a text about me...

384 replies

doesthiscomewithfries · 13/08/2021 21:01

I'm on a forth date with a guy. He's cooking. Left me in charge of his phone for Spotify.

It's not an iPhone. I don't know what I'm doing. I get out of the app. I panic. Hit another button. Whatsapp. It's a chat with a friend of his where he's detailing what we got up to on our last date.

Also scrolling back. I'm half a bottle of wine down. He says he might not see me again as I'm not his type.

Sooooo. What do I do now. I feel like crap.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 14/08/2021 18:00

Also MN - genuine concern.

I didn't think you were on the wind up OP. Now I do.

Plumtree391 · 14/08/2021 18:06

Did you make your excuses and leave quickly, Mrs Pratchett? I do hope so.

It was not wise to get drunk.

gannett · 14/08/2021 18:09

This thread is bonkers but all the "he's just after one thing!!!!" posters did my head in.

It's OK for men to want sex.

It's OK for women to want sex.

It shouldn't be some some toxic gender power struggle. If you have sex because you want to, or not if you don't, for whatever reason, then it doesn't matter if "he's only after one thing". It matters what YOU want.

Onedayatatime43 · 14/08/2021 18:36

I’m upset on behalf of the OP.
Folks here have been so judgemental and also not actually read what she said.
OP I hope your evening went ok. Please ignore some of the nasty comments I’ve seen here. I wouldn’t suggest posting here again if you want support.
Best wishes to you!

ElberethGilthoniel · 14/08/2021 18:38

Oh my god.
I can't believe you read his messages like that. This is a massive breach of trust so early in a relationship.
Probably best for you both to not see each other again

Closetbeanmuncher · 14/08/2021 19:08

A decent person if they weren't into you woukd just be honest not keep stringing you along enough to get sex.

What a prick, hope you binned him off and left OP.

Theunamedcat · 14/08/2021 19:10

@ElberethGilthoniel

Oh my god. I can't believe you read his messages like that. This is a massive breach of trust so early in a relationship. Probably best for you both to not see each other again
Seriously don't slag people off leave it on that screen and hand over your phone for them to use
christinarossetti19 · 14/08/2021 19:24

I'm glad that you're okay OP.

I think you are anyway.

sammylady37 · 15/08/2021 00:58

Seriously don't slag people off leave it on that screen and hand over your phone for them to use

Did the guy in question do either of those things, though? He confided in a friend that he wasn’t sure he was into the op. There’s nothing wrong with that whatsoever. It’s entirely normal and reasonable to discuss with your friends something such as someone you’ve recently started dating and how much you like or don’t like them.

And he didn’t leave it on that screen. She seemingly opened WhatsApp. You know, cos he has a different type of phone to her, and she was so drunk. Despite the WhatsApp icon being the same on every phone and her not being so drunk that she couldn’t post logically, rationally and coherently here.

DottyDotty91 · 15/08/2021 01:05

It always amazes me how often messages are ‘accidentally’ opened. It’s never the crappy apps that nobody uses, it’s never the apps that aren’t interesting, it’s always the WhatsApp or messages that happen to be opened 🙄

The man has done nothing wrong. So what he said you aren’t his type? You were on date 4 so clearly he liked you! There’s a thread running right now about a woman who has fallen for someone who WASNT HER TYPE!

And as for you hysterical lot implying this man would rape her - you’re really fucking dangerous! If that’s your opinion of men then I feel sorry for every male in your life.

me4real · 15/08/2021 01:16

And as for you hysterical lot implying this man would rape her - you’re really fucking dangerous!

Nothing dangerous about beiing cautious and taking care of yourself as best you can.

TheStoic · 15/08/2021 01:44

And as for you hysterical lot implying this man would rape her - you’re really fucking dangerous!

Oh yes. Hysterical women have always been as dangerous as men. If not more so.

Idiot.

Hopingforabagofbuttons · 15/08/2021 02:00

DottyDotty91

It always amazes me how often messages are ‘accidentally’ opened. It’s never the crappy apps that nobody uses, it’s never the apps that aren’t interesting, it’s always the WhatsApp or messages that happen to be opened 🙄

The man has done nothing wrong. So what he said you aren’t his type? You were on date 4 so clearly he liked you! There’s a thread running right now about a woman who has fallen for someone who WASNT HER TYPE!

And as for you hysterical lot implying this man would rape her - you’re really fucking dangerous! If that’s your opinion of men then I feel sorry for every male in your life.

@DottyDotty91
Well done , you totally nailed it. Agree 100%

sammylady37 · 15/08/2021 04:38

@DottyDotty91

It always amazes me how often messages are ‘accidentally’ opened. It’s never the crappy apps that nobody uses, it’s never the apps that aren’t interesting, it’s always the WhatsApp or messages that happen to be opened 🙄

The man has done nothing wrong. So what he said you aren’t his type? You were on date 4 so clearly he liked you! There’s a thread running right now about a woman who has fallen for someone who WASNT HER TYPE!

And as for you hysterical lot implying this man would rape her - you’re really fucking dangerous! If that’s your opinion of men then I feel sorry for every male in your life.

The more convoluted the back story about just why they had to use their DPs phone and how they just happened to see the messages, the more blatantly obvious it is that the poster snooped. It amuses me to see the extent to which posters go to make it seem reasonable.
JulesCobb · 15/08/2021 06:49

It always amazes me how often messages are ‘accidentally’ opened. It’s never the crappy apps that nobody uses, it’s never the apps that aren’t interesting, it’s always the WhatsApp or messages that happen to be opened 🙄

I don't think it should amaze you. It is much easier to accidentally open an app that is already open, than open one that isnt. If it is a much used app by the phone owner, like whatsapp, he may have already opened it recently, so it is one of the active screens. I cannot touch my dh's phone without the game he plays all day opening up.

MakemeaCake · 15/08/2021 07:35

I had doubts about this first post simply because the language was more like a creative writing attempt, than someone genuinely upset (and I am a writer who teaches other writers.)

. I don't know what I'm doing. I get out of the app. I panic. Hit another button. Whatsapp

The short sentences- Get out the app. I panic. Hit another button

Now that @doesthiscomewithfries hasn't come back other than to post a wrist-slap for one poster, where does that leave my opinion?

I think you can work that one out.

Kittykat93 · 15/08/2021 07:45

@DottyDotty91

It always amazes me how often messages are ‘accidentally’ opened. It’s never the crappy apps that nobody uses, it’s never the apps that aren’t interesting, it’s always the WhatsApp or messages that happen to be opened 🙄

The man has done nothing wrong. So what he said you aren’t his type? You were on date 4 so clearly he liked you! There’s a thread running right now about a woman who has fallen for someone who WASNT HER TYPE!

And as for you hysterical lot implying this man would rape her - you’re really fucking dangerous! If that’s your opinion of men then I feel sorry for every male in your life.

So true! Why not just own the fact you were snooping. Tbh if i was him i would be really angry at you looking at my messaages.

MakemeaCake · 15/08/2021 08:00

Because @Kittykat93, it's probably all a bit of a fantasy.

No one uses language like this
Also scrolling back. I'm half a bottle of wine down. when they are genuinely upset and typing on their phone while the man is close by cooking dinner.

Wherearemymarbles · 15/08/2021 08:06

Well now I can only think, no wonder she’s not his type….

Op’s last post be one of the oddest I’ve read.

Quirrelsotherface · 15/08/2021 08:15

OP's whipped everyone up into a good old frenzy.

loulous1985 · 15/08/2021 08:19

@DottyDotty91

It always amazes me how often messages are ‘accidentally’ opened. It’s never the crappy apps that nobody uses, it’s never the apps that aren’t interesting, it’s always the WhatsApp or messages that happen to be opened 🙄

The man has done nothing wrong. So what he said you aren’t his type? You were on date 4 so clearly he liked you! There’s a thread running right now about a woman who has fallen for someone who WASNT HER TYPE!

And as for you hysterical lot implying this man would rape her - you’re really fucking dangerous! If that’s your opinion of men then I feel sorry for every male in your life.

Yup

AlfonsoTheMango · 15/08/2021 08:24

@midsomermurderess

Oh, it's always an accident, bear.

And I am sick of being scolded for not 'supporting' behaviour because it's a woman. Not just going through this bloke's phone, but the juvenile sulking in the bathroom, asking strangers on the internet as if you're 14, cooking up a whole ambience of jeopardy. Pick your stuff and leave. Why are so many women on this site incapable of acting like competent, functioning adults? What on earth has happened to infantilise women so much?

You expressed exactly what I was thinking.
KurtWilde · 15/08/2021 08:35

And I am sick of being scolded for not 'supporting' behaviour because it's a woman. Not just going through this bloke's phone, but the juvenile sulking in the bathroom, asking strangers on the internet as if you're 14, cooking up a whole ambience of jeopardy. Pick your stuff and leave. Why are so many women on this site incapable of acting like competent, functioning adults? What on earth has happened to infantilise women so much?

I feel exactly the same. What happened to personal responsibility? Mention anything like that these days and you're accused of victim blaming.

LemonTT · 15/08/2021 09:10

The ridiculous thing about the accusations of victim blaming on this thread is that there isn’t any victim even in a fictional sense. I mean at a stretch it would be the supposed Mr Darcy who suffered from a drunk guest reading private messages and hiding in the bathroom.

From a fictional POV, it was a sitcom not a drama.

alexa677 · 15/08/2021 09:11

@KurtWilde

And I am sick of being scolded for not 'supporting' behaviour because it's a woman. Not just going through this bloke's phone, but the juvenile sulking in the bathroom, asking strangers on the internet as if you're 14, cooking up a whole ambience of jeopardy. Pick your stuff and leave. Why are so many women on this site incapable of acting like competent, functioning adults? What on earth has happened to infantilise women so much?

I feel exactly the same. What happened to personal responsibility? Mention anything like that these days and you're accused of victim blaming.

This is why I don't find the whole thread believable.
  1. if you feel able to, pick up your stuff and leave
  2. if not but the situation is not putting you in immediate danger call a family member friend
  3. if you are in danger or your life is at threat call 999

I'm a regular MN user but in this "situation" not once would it cross my mind to sit in a bathroom and ask MN for views

Don't get me wrong, I might've done 1) or 2) then posted about it on MN when I got home for external perspectives