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Original poster

First date, he wants me to dress up

332 replies

LindaUK1971 · 13/08/2021 02:41

I have a first date in a long time this weekend. I’ve been speaking to the guy for a long time online and we’ve really hit it off.

We’ve arranged to meet this weekend but he’s asked me to wear a specific outfit. Is this normal? I’ve never heard of this before? Should I be worried?

OP posts:
BudrosBudrosGalli · 13/08/2021 06:20

Just asked DH, as an alternative man's point of view and he thinks that is bloody weird, entitled, and comes across as controlling. English isn't my first language and I am fully aware that certain nationalities can come across as more abrupt, as they are more direct. However, it's not the delivery but the demand itself that isn't acceptable. If you are still considering going on this date, I would wear something totally different, in fact, I would wear some jeans you like with a nice top. Reset expectations and establish firm, clear boundaries.

ThorsLeftNut · 13/08/2021 06:20

I would go on the date and where something completely different… 😂
(Stay public and in touch with a friend too!)

happinessischocolate · 13/08/2021 06:37

Of course you should agree to wear what he wants you to.

Then you should tell him what you want him to wear, send a picture of Magic Mike and ask him to wear the same clothes as the picture.

Then cancel last minute saying you can't come because the blouse is in the wash

happinessischocolate · 13/08/2021 06:44

@Danceswithwhippets

A man's point of view here. I don't think it's odd at all. Not a red flag in sight. I would see it as a kind of compliment -he likes what you are wearing in the photos, they're your normal clothes. It's not a creepy request for latex and no knickers on a first date! It is probably a language/cultural thing on his part -you mention that he's Polish. But if you're not comfortable in being to be told what to wear on a first date, just wear whatever you like and don't mention it. You say you've got on very well -don't waste the chance of meeting what may be a nice man. Good luck and report back!
So you would be totally happy if a woman told you to wear the shirt you were wearing in a photo on holiday 2 years ago, and the trousers from a random picture 6 months ago, because she wants you to look sexy on your first date with her ?

🤣🤣

WhiskeyGalore212 · 13/08/2021 06:45

Viewing women as sexy dress-up dolls is possibly a teeny sign that a man is not a good relationship prospect.

One poster has said "Oh it probably sounds demanding because he's Polish" ..... no, I sounds demanding because its demanding ... and entitled, creepy and quote controlling.

Other advice "go on date, wear what you like and see how it goes" .... wouldn't even do this tbh. Why even progress to dating someone whos already showing you this. He'll probably be very good at creating obligation on the date too. Don't go there. Its disappointing after chatting fir quite a while etc but just be glad you've found this out about him without getting properly involved.

PluggingAway · 13/08/2021 06:46

Why do some men feel the need to announce that they are men in their contributions on MN? Bizarre.

Anyway... OP, if you've gotten on really well up until this point and you aren't getting creepy vibes off him, then I would still go on the date if you want to, but it's really important that you don't wear the clothes he asked you to wear. Watch his reaction closely. I think that will tell you everything you need to know.

IPacificallySaid · 13/08/2021 06:46

Run. Weirdo. Tell him he has terrible taste.

PluggingAway · 13/08/2021 06:46

@happinessischocolate

Then cancel last minute saying you can't come because the blouse is in the wash

Grin
Oceanbliss · 13/08/2021 06:48

@LindaUK1971 My only advice is: be yourself. If you are not comfortable with a man telling you to wear a particular outfit because it’s sexy then don’t go out with him. He is not compatible with you.

I personally wouldn’t like it if a person told me to wear that outfit because you look sexy in that. For me, I dress for me. I choose an outfit that looks good, suits my current mood and makes me feel good.

Be true to yourself.

ChiefInspectorParker · 13/08/2021 06:50

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

WhiskeyGalore212 · 13/08/2021 06:51

Does he want to meet you, or a woman dressed a certain way in certain clothes he considers sexy. He sounds like he's objectifying you.

And to even ask/demand .....

Ignore this flag at your peril.

OaxacaChihuahua · 13/08/2021 06:55

Really weird and creepy behaviour. He has a fantasy version of you in his head and he’s making sure you live up to it. It’s a no from me!

FatAnkles · 13/08/2021 06:57

@Danceswithwhippets

A man's point of view here. I don't think it's odd at all. Not a red flag in sight. I would see it as a kind of compliment -he likes what you are wearing in the photos, they're your normal clothes. It's not a creepy request for latex and no knickers on a first date! It is probably a language/cultural thing on his part -you mention that he's Polish. But if you're not comfortable in being to be told what to wear on a first date, just wear whatever you like and don't mention it. You say you've got on very well -don't waste the chance of meeting what may be a nice man. Good luck and report back!
From a female point of view: HUGE red flag. Massive. Potentially controlling. I might have been getting on ok with this guy but to ask this is weird. And because its weird, I'd break off all communication straight away.
jozipozi31 · 13/08/2021 06:57

I think he feels like he can share his desires with you because you've got on so well and been presumably so intimate in conversation. But it's come across as weird.

You haven't met him yet. Given how well you've got on, I'd possibly give him the one chance/benefit of the doubt.

In terms of what you wear, though, I think you need to not do what he asks and see how he reacts. I'd say something like 'ah no, it's up to me to surprise you ... ' and then wear what you like.

I feel like this is a sexual move on his part. He wants to be super intimate and say what he likes and you enjoy turning him on. It's just not come across well.

I speak Polish and know a lot about Polish vibes/ways so send me what he wrote if you like - I know it'll be in English, but it might give some clues as to where he's coming from.

OaxacaChihuahua · 13/08/2021 06:57

So you would be totally happy if a woman told you to wear the shirt you were wearing in a photo on holiday 2 years ago, and the trousers from a random picture 6 months ago, because she wants you to look sexy on your first date with her ?

Thing is, a man probably would find this flattering because men don’t generally have to fear being raped and murdered by women they meet on the internet.

EmoIsntDead · 13/08/2021 06:59

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

WhiskeyGalore212 · 13/08/2021 07:00

@Danceswithwhippets

A man's point of view here. I don't think it's odd at all. Not a red flag in sight. I would see it as a kind of compliment -he likes what you are wearing in the photos, they're your normal clothes. It's not a creepy request for latex and no knickers on a first date! It is probably a language/cultural thing on his part -you mention that he's Polish. But if you're not comfortable in being to be told what to wear on a first date, just wear whatever you like and don't mention it. You say you've got on very well -don't waste the chance of meeting what may be a nice man. Good luck and report back!
It's not a language thing.hes telling her (at very best) suggesting what she wear on their feet first date, and it has to be an outfit he considers sexy.

If it's a cultural thing, one might reasonably suggest that's probably a culture you don't want to date or marry into.

She's not a dress up doll, she's not an object ... this suggests, to some degree, he sees her as one.

If a woman who's never met a man in person before specified that he wore an outfit she'd seen in his pictures on their very first dare because she finds it sexy.. she'd likewise be as demanding, bossy, shallow etc. If it was eg a uniform or a sharp suit (hard to find an equivalent for men) for example you could be forgiven for thinking her interest was more in the image of the uniform or clothing than truly in the man himself.

WhiskeyGalore212 · 13/08/2021 07:02

@OaxacaChihuahua

So you would be totally happy if a woman told you to wear the shirt you were wearing in a photo on holiday 2 years ago, and the trousers from a random picture 6 months ago, because she wants you to look sexy on your first date with her ?

Thing is, a man probably would find this flattering because men don’t generally have to fear being raped and murdered by women they meet on the internet.

At the "light" end, men also usually have to deal with chauvinism, coercive control, domestic abuse etc rather less than women in relationships.
Lampan · 13/08/2021 07:04

Turn up in jeans and a fleece 🤣

But seriously, no I wouldn’t meet him. He already sees you as an object and it trying to control you.

LadyPenelope68 · 13/08/2021 07:06

Run for the hills, don’t even go in the first date.
He’s not even net you and he’s telling you what to wear.

brokenbiscuitsx · 13/08/2021 07:06

A man's point of view here.

Women!!! Women stop and come here!!! A MAN has an opinion, we must listen for it has come from a man.

I don't think it's odd at all. Not a red flag in sight. I would see it as a kind of compliment

Of course you would 🤣 I can’t tell if you are saying YOU would see it as a compliment yourself or if you are saying to OP that SHE should see it as a compliment. If it’s the first, I doubt it and if the latter, you are looking through male eyes so you’re wrong on this one and can’t say how it comes across to a woman. It’s definitely bloody weird.

FindTheTruth · 13/08/2021 07:06

Signs to Look for in an Abusive Personality

"2. Controlling Behaviour: At first, the batterer will say that this behaviour is because he is concerned with your safety, your need to use your time well, or your need to make good decisions. He will be angry if you are late coming back from an appointment or a class, he will question you closely about where you went and whom you talked to. As this behaviour gets worse, he may not let you make personal decisions about your clothing, hair style, appearance."

WhiskeyGalore212 · 13/08/2021 07:07

But if you're not comfortable in being to be told what to wear on a first date ....

That suggests it's a valid option to be comfortable being told what to wear on a first date.

I've been trying to be tactful but quite honestly - don't give women advice on dating, you're terrible at it.

Russell19 · 13/08/2021 07:08

No, that's odd. I was on pof a long time ago and a guy asked for a date but requested I wear a leather jacket and trousers.....I blocked as fast as I could.

WhiskeyGalore212 · 13/08/2021 07:10

But seriously, no I wouldn’t meet him. He already sees you as an object and it trying to control you.

You've managed to say in 2 sentences what ive spent paragraphs trying to say.