First date, he wants me to dress up

[LindaUK1971]

I have a first date in a long time this weekend. I’ve been speaking to the guy for a long time online and we’ve really hit it off.

We’ve arranged to meet this weekend but he’s asked me to wear a specific outfit. Is this normal? I’ve never heard of this before? Should I be worried?

I've been an expat for years and also my DH is not British so have been living among various cultures for a long time! Something I've come to notice is that sometimes, something that would be viewed as complimentary in another culture can come across as creepy in English. My DH is bar FAR the sweetest, most gentle and respectful man I've ever met. Asking me to wear a certain outfit for a date would be something he might do, as in his culture, it would be seen as a lovely compliment - hinting to someone that you look beautiful in that outfit, and showing that they're very attracted to you but without crudely saying 'You're fit.'

Also, some statements can seen very demanding in English when they wouldn't in one's native tongue. You need to take into account the culture and native language if you're considering dating a foreign man (which I would wholeheartedly recommend )

Based on these two facts, I would give the guy a chance. I would go to the date, NOT wearing the outfit he asked me to wear. I'd tell him I didn't feel comfortable in the outfit, or something. Hence showing him that if things proceed, I won't be doing anything that he asks unless I feel like it. This will show you any red flags (if he reacts badly or says something disrespectful. If he is nice then you can assume it was just a culture difference and not a red flag.

Of course, no abusive behaviour or lack of respect/kindness should be tolerated regardless of the nationality and culture. But with something small like this, I'd still give the guy a chance.

Just RTFT! So glad you went through with it!

Aww yay I’m glad he was a nice bloke. Now you say it I can see how it could have been banter.

It’s so hard to tell via messages isn’t it.

Good luck

No one knows if he's a nice bloke do they?

Anyone can appear nice for a couple of hours on a night out FFS.

Pffft, you've met him once and he was charming in person.

Maybe it was "banter", maybe it was an early test of boundaries - you don't really think a red flag person comes out with the nasty stuff straight away? People don't get into abusive relationships by going "oh hey, he seems like an arsehole, i think I'll devote my life to him!" - it's a boiling frog, rationalising the red flags.

It's far too early to say what he's like, and it's still a red flag.

@Oobly

That's weird. I'd feel very uncomfortable with that.

Maybe it's So he can easily identify her. Doesn't always have to be to make someone Dress uphave sinister reasons

Maybe it's So he can easily identify her. Doesn't always have to be to make someone Dress uphave sinister reasons

In which case, just ask her what she'll be wearing? Or something cute/silly like "let's wear red carnations to recognise each other by!"

There's a huge difference between asking "how will I recognise you?" and telling someone what to wear.

Plus he's seen photos of her so it's not like a blind date where that's an actual concern.

Plus when asked about it He said he was trying to be playful, it was the colours of his favourite rugby team! Personally I don't think being made butt of a joke you're not aware of is a good sign.