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Original poster

First date, he wants me to dress up

332 replies

LindaUK1971 · 13/08/2021 02:41

I have a first date in a long time this weekend. I’ve been speaking to the guy for a long time online and we’ve really hit it off.

We’ve arranged to meet this weekend but he’s asked me to wear a specific outfit. Is this normal? I’ve never heard of this before? Should I be worried?

OP posts:
Hopingforabagofbuttons · 13/08/2021 03:11

First date and he’s telling you what he wants you to wear. Total red flag. I’d make my excuses and knock that on the head now.

Onthedunes · 13/08/2021 03:14

Skirt and blouse, sounds like a scene out of the 2002 film Secretary.

He'll be asking you to wear glasses next, dipping them down your nose and saying "molecules".

He's a controller.

Everydayisawindingroad · 13/08/2021 03:28

Run op run and don’t look back. As a pp said, request to wear hiking boots for ab outdoor date ok, any other requests not ok. 🚩 alert

PickUpAPepper · 13/08/2021 03:29

Have you asked your date to wear something specific.?

This is the question you need to ask - always worth a reality check and think if it's something you would say. Women generally don't value relationships for sex alone, or men for how far they can control them - but men unfortunately do, and anyone can say they're anything on the internet. Wear what you want and see what his reaction is would be my suggestion. Observe personal security regarding letting others know where you are, and stay in public places.

MyOtherProfile · 13/08/2021 03:35

I would go, wear what I liked and if he said anything about me not wearing what he asked I would laugh and say no way, I thought you were joking or I'd have thought of something specific for you to wear too. If he says nothing and we have a nice time, great. If he does say something I would take that as proof he is weird and controlling.

CorvusPurpureus · 13/08/2021 03:52

No, fuck that.

When I was married, xh & I would occasionally ask each other 'what do you reckon? This or this one?'

'Oh I really like that one, definitely that.'

(Occasional brutally honest follow up of '...because the other one is horrible, actually, because...')

But you haven't asked him for his terribly helpful feedback about what you should wear, & you haven't even met him.

You aren't a child who needs to be told what to wear.

If you're OK with strangers making suggestions about your clothing choices, mine is put your running shoes on about now, tbh...

MooseBeTimeForSummer · 13/08/2021 03:55

If you were still thinking of going I’d wear something else.

mynameisbrian · 13/08/2021 03:56

I remember having a wild night out in soho with.my flat mate and good mate who had come down from Scotland. It was mad from start to finish and we ended up with some dodgy gangster style bloke in an illegal drinking den somewhere - this bloke seemed to take a fancy to me. I was a mess and he got us all into a taxi back to our house and I fell into bed. ( on my own) he sat talking to my two mates. I remember him coming into the room and kissing me on the head and left. Later on I got a phone call, he told me he was taking me out, I was to wear a dress and behave myself- needles to say I pretended to by my mate and said I wasn’t in. Didn’t take any calls- no way would I be getting told what to wear by a bloke especially one you haven’t actually physically met yet in the flesh. .. if you are going to meet him it’s time for you to set your boundaries and tell him you are not wearing that outfit - see how he responds

PyongyangKipperbang · 13/08/2021 04:23

I suppose you could use the language thing to suggest he meant "I love the way you look in that photo, I'd love to see you in that outfit" but in all honesty, I wouldnt risk it.

PyongyangKipperbang · 13/08/2021 04:26

Try reading "Why Men Love Bitches".

Its not as bad as it sounds, Bitches in this book are women who have self respect and boudaries and dont allow anyone (of either sex) to breach them. The fact that you are even wondering whether you should wear the outfit suggests to me that you should read that book!

Sweetener12 · 13/08/2021 05:07

Sounds weird to me, could be a possible red flag, I'd be very uncomfortable. Do whatever feels right for you and see how it goes.

Danceswithwhippets · 13/08/2021 05:21

A man's point of view here.
I don't think it's odd at all. Not a red flag in sight.
I would see it as a kind of compliment -he likes what you are wearing in the photos, they're your normal clothes. It's not a creepy request for latex and no knickers on a first date!
It is probably a language/cultural thing on his part -you mention that he's Polish.
But if you're not comfortable in being to be told what to wear on a first date, just wear whatever you like and don't mention it.
You say you've got on very well -don't waste the chance of meeting what may be a nice man. Good luck and report back!

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 13/08/2021 05:29

Fuck that. I would not be going on this date.

Earlydancing · 13/08/2021 05:36

I don't think asking you to wear something is controlling. But the thought of him looking through your pictures and picking out what he likes you in is a bit creepy. However, if you've put in time and effort into him, you could still go but wear something different and say you didn't fancy wearing his choice. See what happens.

tara66 · 13/08/2021 05:37

Have you told him he can only wear blue?

Alonelonelylonersbadidea · 13/08/2021 05:40

I'm actually with @Danceswithwhippets here. There's not enough to go on.

And he's Polish. My DP is not British and his sentences can sound very abrupt and demanding. I've dated Russians (as a language comparison not cultural!!) and language-wise it's very possible to be using modal verbs such as 'must' without it being a creepy demand.
It is very possible it's a compliment. Seriously.
The other way round it wouldn't be a red flag! If a woman before the first date says to the man, 'oh you must wear your glasses not your contacts! They are sexy!' We wouldn't be freaking out.

And I have been in an abusive relationship. I am very red flag aware but it's all to do with context and how he said it.

IS0D0RA · 13/08/2021 05:47

@SpringlikeBunk

Nutcase - however much he ticks other boxes DO NOT meet. He’s “testing” every woman he meets to see who he can control 🤮
This.
Kiduknot · 13/08/2021 05:51

Be wary, very wary.

gurglebelly · 13/08/2021 05:52

But if you're not comfortable in being to be told what to wear on a first date, just wear whatever you like and don't mention it.

No one should be comfortable with being TOLD what to wear, ever. It's weird as fuck and hugely controlling

milkyaqua · 13/08/2021 06:00

Yik. This squicks me out, just reading about it.

speakout · 13/08/2021 06:05

I'd cancel.
No hesitation.

FiddlefigOnTheRoof · 13/08/2021 06:07

No no no no no no

Wjevtvha · 13/08/2021 06:08

@Alonelonelylonersbadidea I actually disagree with your comparison with wearing glasses; if you don’t know someone then it’s massively over stepping to ask them to wear something specific. If at such an early stage someone is telling someone what to wear then how does that progress in a year? And if the person doesn’t want to wear what’s asked it puts them in an uncomfortable position.
To me OP it would be a no to this date.

SteppedOnBloodyLego · 13/08/2021 06:12

Danceswithwhippets

A man's point of view here.
I don't think it's odd at all. Not a red flag in sight.
I would see it as a kind of compliment -he likes what you are wearing in the photos, they're your normal clothes.

Ha-ha fucking ha. Are you serious? A compliment?
Were you born in 1920?

Cazzovuoi · 13/08/2021 06:17

A man's point of view here.
I don't think it's odd at all. Not a red flag in sight.
I would see it as a kind of compliment -he likes what you

Yeah it’s up there with catcalling and cornering us by the water cooler because we’re sexy. Hmm Urgh @Danceswithwhippets you need to actually listen to what women are saying! It’s creepy and makes us uncomfortable.