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Original poster

First date, he wants me to dress up

332 replies

LindaUK1971 · 13/08/2021 02:41

I have a first date in a long time this weekend. I’ve been speaking to the guy for a long time online and we’ve really hit it off.

We’ve arranged to meet this weekend but he’s asked me to wear a specific outfit. Is this normal? I’ve never heard of this before? Should I be worried?

OP posts:
Redruby2020 · 14/08/2021 17:18

@OverweightPidgeon

liveforsummer the thing is even if the Op does go on the date wearing what she chooses to wear, he knows that he has pushed his luck with the comment but it’s not been challenged so he is free to push/control a bit more.
Exactly!
Redruby2020 · 14/08/2021 17:19

@LindaUK1971

Ok so decided to meet him, obviously didn't wear what he asked but I still made an effort (white jeans and a silky blue satin blouse).

He didn't mention the clothes at all, other than to say I look lovely. So near the end of the date I asked him about it. He said he was trying to be playful, it was the colours of his favourite rugby team!

So he's been downgraded to a yellow flag from a red lol.

You'll just have to see how it goes
WhiskeyGalore212 · 14/08/2021 17:31

He said he was trying to be playful, it was the colours of his favourite rugby team!

What?! Confused

wewereliars · 14/08/2021 18:33

Plausible deniabilty, manipulation 101

shesellsseacats · 14/08/2021 18:54

@wewereliars

Plausible deniabilty, manipulation 101
Innit.

The OP is unaware that she's just passed his first two tests. He asked her to wear something specific and she didn't tell him to fuck off and run for the hills. Then he came up with some bollocks excuse and she accepted it. Although she's not so pliable she'll literally do as she's told, she'll still ignore mistreatment and try to see the best in him.

He knows she's a good bet for someone he can hook with his charm and that gaslighting will likely work on her.

To be fair I would have been the same as the OP when I was younger. I learnt all about controlling men the hard way, and fuck did it damage me and my life.

wewereliars · 14/08/2021 19:04

shesells snap

once you've seen it (and lived it sadly) you can't unsee it.

Moonface123 · 14/08/2021 19:07

I would be very wary.
Another concern is that alot of Eastern European men have wives, girlfriends etc back home and just go online looking for sex. They could literally tell you anything, how would you know? If you do your research online you will see the way they view English women, not in a good light.
I personally met up for a coffee with a Romanian man, he was literally a sex pest, no interest in the coffee side of it, so my advice would be not to go.

Daisydahlia · 14/08/2021 19:22

@wewereliars

shesells snap

once you've seen it (and lived it sadly) you can't unsee it.

Indeed.

Also, he came up with three (in total) reasons.

  • Sexy
  • Was being playful Hmm
  • Favourite rugby team colours (I mean... nothing says romance than him wanting you to wear his favourite rugby team colour Hmm....)

Likely he backtracked with the first nonsense he could think of when the OP questioned him and he realised he was being called out. That's why he said he was being "playful", but that's still a bit too close to manipulating/testing boundaries and is also still bollocks when you think about it, so he then finally changed it to favourite rugby team colours to make it more palatable. (still serving him though isn't it, wanting you to wear HIS favourite rugby team colours??)

Still a nope from me.

wishywashy6 · 14/08/2021 20:16

But he kept on saying I must wear this blouse and skirt combo as it's so sexy.

Ewwww no, horrid. Don't go. Instantly gives me the ick when men do this. Creepy, sleazy and so off putting not to mention controlling and an indication that they view women as just an object.

Grim.

Oceanbliss · 15/08/2021 03:04

@LindaUK1971 Glad you had a good time on your date. Smile

Plumtree391 · 15/08/2021 03:28

I'm glad all went well, Linda.

MyOtherProfile · 15/08/2021 07:26

@Standrewsschool

Glad you had a nice date, but the rugby team colours comment is a bit weird. Who does that?
I think loads of blokes would like to 😀 lots of men have a preference for red or blue depending on their footy team, from my experience. Just that most probably wouldn't mention it ahead of a first date!
Standrewsschool · 15/08/2021 08:59

Yes, just seem strange to dictate that someone you’ve never met to wear something in your rugby team’s favourite colours,

Hen2018 · 15/08/2021 19:18

Imagine if I told my next date to wear the colours of my football team. Or to wear green, white and purple because I enjoy watching Wimbledon.

What absolute nonsense.

Polkadots2021 · 15/08/2021 21:46

@LindaUK1971

It's an outfit to wear to go for a drink. And yes it's something I own that he's seen me wearing before on Facebook. Although never the whole outfit together.
I once agreed to wear something a guy I went on a date with asked me to wear (denim mini) because I thought it was hilarious & very entertaining that he'd have the balls to ask - also because I didn't want to date him seriously and knew I didn't want to see him for more than a couple of fun dates. So they were a couple of fun dates & that was that. Way too ridiculous for boyfriend material, though, IMO (in fact asking him in the first place immediately outed him as non boyfriend material).

If it had been something related to an activity, like hiking boots for hiking it'd have been ok.

Polkadots2021 · 15/08/2021 21:50

*him asking

Standrewsschool · 17/08/2021 16:02

Why doesn’t op test him out, ask him who his favourite rugby team is next time. See whether he fluffs a reply. He may say The Saracens straight and have a genuine preference. However, he may forget his earlier comment and reply ‘no favourite’ or even say he prefers football. If he does say team xyz, then a quick Google will reveal their kit colours.

TheFoundations · 17/08/2021 16:37

He said he was trying to be playful, it was the colours of his favourite rugby team

Even without the pretext, asking a first date to wear a skirt and blouse in the colours of his rugby team is red flag behaviour.

OP, your response is worrying. You didn't see playfulness, you saw a weird request for you to wear what he wanted you to. And it bothered you sufficient to post on a forum about it. The reason you didn't think he was being playful is because that would be a really weird joke. Not the kind of joke you'd get.

TheSmallClangerWhistlesAgain · 17/08/2021 17:44

He sounds like a fetishist. Did he say anything about tights as well?

Addicted2LoveIsland · 17/08/2021 20:04

Weird and controlling especially as you've never met. I think when in a full on relationship this is sometimes OK but not first date. I'd run a mile

RosesandPumpkins · 17/08/2021 22:10

Yeah it’s weird. Red flag.

TacCat49 · 17/08/2021 22:13

Omg. He's given you a job description...
.. Run for the hills. What a weirdo.

sadperson16 · 18/08/2021 09:34

Please,young folk of MN,who wears a skirt and blouse? It sounds a bit like Margaret Thatcher or a young Sarah Ferguson.

MyOtherProfile · 18/08/2021 10:09

@sadperson16

Please,young folk of MN,who wears a skirt and blouse? It sounds a bit like Margaret Thatcher or a young Sarah Ferguson.
My fashion mad teen is wearing a skirt and blouse today. Long way from what Thatcher or Fergie would wear though! And she wouldn't call it a blouse but it is what it is.
sadperson16 · 18/08/2021 10:39

OKies,I obviously no nowt about such matters.
Just off to tweak my pussy bow on my shiny blouse.

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