First date, he wants me to dress up

[LindaUK1971]

I have a first date in a long time this weekend. I’ve been speaking to the guy for a long time online and we’ve really hit it off.

We’ve arranged to meet this weekend but he’s asked me to wear a specific outfit. Is this normal? I’ve never heard of this before? Should I be worried?

The correct response is "fuck no" accompanied by many laughing emojis and a block.

Another one here who would feel really uncomfortable with this. It is very weird and also very controlling.

I would feel like a made up doll just for him. At this stage, yuck.

he kept on saying I must wear this blouse and skirt combo as it's so sexy

The way you've written it here makes it sound like he was quite persistent about it so its unsurprising you feel something is off.

I agree with PP he's testing you, trust your gut. Don't be swayed by how well you seem to get on, exploitative males lack empathy but are remarkably astute in observing others and acting whatever part they think is required to get what they want.

@Puzzledandpissedoff

Totally agree about the red flag, but since you've been chatting "for a long time" and he's seemed okay in other ways I'd go and use it as a test by wearing something completely different

If he doesn't mention it and is cheery and normal it might have just been something he didn't phrase very well, but if he has a long face or dares to say anything you've got your answer loud and clear

Nope!

I don't care how long they've been "talking" or how okay he seemed up until he told her what to wear, it's a massive red flag which shouldn't be brushed under the carpet

Name 1 other situation where it would be acceptable to tell someone you barely know exactly what they should wear ?

If you needed to get a reliable , trustworthy car and the person selling one told you it was unreliable and would let you down , would you still give it a chance? No of course not. Why don’t we apply the same rules to prospective partners?

I think it just sounds like his crap at flirting and trying to be complimentary 😬but trust your instincts

Ok so decided to meet him, obviously didn't wear what he asked but I still made an effort (white jeans and a silky blue satin blouse).

He didn't mention the clothes at all, other than to say I look lovely. So near the end of the date I asked him about it. He said he was trying to be playful, it was the colours of his favourite rugby team!

So he's been downgraded to a yellow flag from a red lol.

I think I agree op. Good luck. keep your feelers out and your eyes peeled.

Who wears this stuff? A skirt and blouse? A silky blouse? It all sounds a bit 1970's or fictitious.

If he's late 40's and blond, give him a wide birth. I cut some slack on cultural/language grounds once. Pretty soon realised he had issues so binned and blocked. 2 years or so later, I joined WhatsApp for my son's footie communication and he sent me an upsidedown smiley emoji - creepy as f**k, only saw him a few times over a few weeks! Blocked on that too.

@LindaUK1971 glad you męt him - you couldn't really judge without meeting him. It sounded to me like an attempt at banter gone a bit wrong - and seems like it was.

Are you glad you met him?

@LindaUK1971 - I'm glad my concern was unfounded! How did the date go?

@sadperson16

Who wears this stuff? A skirt and blouse? A silky blouse? It all sounds a bit 1970's or fictitious.

Why are you trying to upset the OP?

[quote jozipozi31]@LindaUK1971 glad you męt him - you couldn't really judge without meeting him. It sounded to me like an attempt at banter gone a bit wrong - and seems like it was.

Are you glad you met him? [/quote]
Yes very pleased. He was actually lovely!

Cancel

I'm glad the date went OK @LindaUK1971, despite all the concern.

It'll be a pity if it stops here. This thread had the makings of a classic -some highlights:
more red flags than Soviet Russia
Speedos
Hawaiian shirt and a kilt
haddock
penis beaker (sorry, that's going back a long time)

This would massively put me off him. I understand there might be a language disconnect, but I would be clear for the start that I was not to the sort of person who gets told what to do, and say something along the lines of, 'Thanks for the compliment! I'll be wearing one of my other favourite outfits, looking forward to the opportunity to get dressed up!'

If he shows himself to be a dick with his response then I'd bail now.

Sorry, just seen your update!

Glad you had a good experience (and that you wore something else!)

I'm so glad you have put this post up! I was going to come on and ask almost the same thing. I have been speaking to a couple of guys over a period of time. One who I was going to possibly meet up with today. Although he hasn't said anything, I feel pressure about dates etc, what to wear, I do not wear dresses etc, have very little to wear out, on the big side so not keen on certain things anyway. And I know because of the background with these particular guys(nationality the same) the way they can be about how you look, I know this should not be adhered to, and I refuse to in a way. But it does make me feel pressure, not only because I spent many years in a relationship where by at the beginning he wouldn't go out with me much, made me self conscious, not had dates etc at the start, that having been with that person for so long, I feel nervous and shy and don't know how to deal with new guys, in that way, which I hate feeling like this. Plus my ex relationship was an abusive one, so that also makes it harder.

@Russell19

No, that's odd. I was on pof a long time ago and a guy asked for a date but requested I wear a leather jacket and trousers.....I blocked as fast as I could.

Crikey that's modest lol, usually those types want a thong, dress got to look sexy 🙄🤦‍♀️ blah blah. To me I think okay we as women wouldn't just went any old slob. But you are not talking about going out a state, I think showered/nails good hair clean etc, makeup if you wear it, which I do but not plastered on, fresh clothes and look nice, is more than enough. Like I very rarely do big dresses up any more, I am smart/casual. Even in my clubbing days I wore like bottoms with heels and had different tops etc. Or nice dressy tunics with leggings and heels etc.

Red flag to me I'm afraid! Bit weird and controlling.

Glad it went so well, OP; I still think you were wise to think "Hmmmm", but also wise to go and see what he was like in person

Hopefully it really was something that came out wrong rather than him minimising now, and I'd still watch things for a bit (as you would with anyone I'm sure ...) but onwards and upwards

If it's just " would you wear that lovely blue dress you wore on facebook? "., fair enough.

If it's along the lines of "Come dressed as a schoolgirl/nun/tart", NOOOOO.

So he's gone from wanting you to wear the outfit because it's "sexy" to "trying to be playful" also "outfit is the colours of his favourite RUGBY TEAM"?!

Make your mind up, pal!

Only you can judge OP but I'm still not convinced.

One thing he was never going to admit is "I was being manipulative". Bear that in mind. Good luck!

Glad you had a nice date, but the rugby team colours comment is a bit weird. Who does that?