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Original poster

Husband unreasonably refuses to have another child

240 replies

TeeTen · 11/08/2021 20:55

I currently have young daughter with my husband. I have wanted another child for quite some time now and he point blank refuses to have another child due to things which happened in the past in the marriage. To be quite honest the reasons he gives me for not wanting to have another child is because he ended up having to go to court and was reported by my family members and I had to give evidence against him. The marriage has consisted of a lot of ups and downs and this guy accepts zero responsibility for the things he has done but is basically punishing me as he had to face the consequences of his wrong doings as nothing is his fault. EVER. He is always the victim according to him and I don’t “deserve” any more children.

I can hear you all now asking why do I even want another child with this kind of person etc and I have thought about it all and long story short I really want to be a mother again and it upsets me that I cannot give my child a sibling and cannot expand my family simply because he refuses me. I’m being robbed of the chance of being a mother because that’s my punishment for daring to speak up against his wrong doings.

I’m in a difficult situation, I long to be a mother again and would absolutely love to have another child and my daughter would be really happy to have a sibling. But I cannot because he holds it over me as punishment and expects me to be happy and get on with life knowing how much I want it and can’t have it because that’s his decision. Sad

OP posts:
Knittingupastorm · 11/08/2021 21:50

Regardless of anything else, no one is “unreasonable” in their wish to not have another child.

HappyMeal564 · 11/08/2021 21:51

Everyone has the right to say they don't want to have a child regardless of the reason

Bythemillpond · 11/08/2021 21:51

TeeTen

How do you know we aren’t on the other side and have worked through all that? How do you know my situation isn’t good now

Because if you were you wouldn’t be posting on mumsnet.

You can’t force someone to have a child with you. You can only decide for yourself what you want.
If you want another child then leave and have another with someone else or a sperm donor.
His reasons for not having another child do sound like punishment. Which doesn’t bode well for the future.

conxray · 11/08/2021 21:51

If he doesn't want another child that's his decision.
If you do want another child then you need to leave and find someone else who does want to have a child.

Why you would want to have a child with someone who was reported by your family members and you had to give evidence again I have no idea.
What did he do?

Lorw · 11/08/2021 21:54

He doesn’t want another, unfortunately the person who doesn’t want another child trumps the person who does. You’re either going to have to suck it up or move on. Hmm

MsTSwift · 11/08/2021 21:54

It must have been serious to have got to court. Concerning.

ImprobablePuffin · 11/08/2021 21:55

Why would you even consider bringing another child in to this mess?

CorianderBee · 11/08/2021 21:58

So leave him. Find someone else to have another child with.

GlitterDragon · 11/08/2021 22:00

Sounds familiar Hmm

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 11/08/2021 22:07

@TeeTen

How do you know we aren’t on the other side and have worked through all that? How do you know my situation isn’t good now and my child that I do have is safe and well? The incident took place years ago and is not a reflection of the current situation. Thanks.
He's still controlling and abusing you though So it's not over and in the past
VodselForDinner · 11/08/2021 22:15

Sounds like a miserable situation for a child, let alone two.

TriciaMcMillan · 11/08/2021 22:23

It's never unreasonable to not want another child. Each person has complete discretion and autonomy in their decision and if one of you doesn't want to, they 'win'. I have a loving, happy marriage with a man I think the world of, and he me, and would love another child. He doesn't, so we won't. I'm deeply saddened by this, but he's not unreasonable, he can have many reasons, or none, you both have to be on board to move forward. All the other weird stuff notwithstanding.

upaladderagain · 11/08/2021 22:28

No, no, no. YOU are totally unreasonable to be wanting to throw another innocent child into the chaos of your unhealthy relationship. If you want to screw up another life get a cat. On second thoughts, don't, that would be too unkind.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 11/08/2021 22:35

How do you know we aren’t on the other side and have worked through all that? How do you know my situation isn’t good now

I mean... you sort of answered that question in your first post pal didn't you? Here's a reminder:

The marriage has consisted of a lot of ups and downs and this guy accepts zero responsibility for the things he has done but is basically punishing me as he had to face the consequences of his wrong doings as nothing is his fault. EVER. He is always the victim according to him and I don’t “deserve” any more children.

Drop the abusive arsehole. Get your head straight. Think about more children with someone who isn't abusive when you are able to see that bringing another child into the current chaos of an abusive household would have been both foolish and selfish.

Alakashazam0 · 11/08/2021 22:43

Because you said nothing is his fault. EVER. He is always the victim according to him

Your husband is a narcissist.
You say you long to be a mother again, a child isn't a shiny new toy that will suddenly make you happy again. Focus your efforts on the child you have that you are already a mother to. Don't bring another child in to such a toxic environment.

user1471442488 · 11/08/2021 22:43

[quote MolyHolyGuacamole]Is this you? HELP, missed 4 pills! www.mumsnet.com/Talk/family_planning/4273327-HELP-missed-4-pills[/quote]
Lol, that’s Tee10 which is absolutely not the same person as TeeTen Hmm

Grow up OP, you can’t force someone to have a baby with you. Your marriage sounds like a disaster and the last thing I would think it needs is another poor child in the mix.

Fupoffyagrasshole · 11/08/2021 22:45

Oh god - so toxic

Just leave him and move on! have another child with someone nicer.

Alakashazam0 · 11/08/2021 22:46

I fell pregnant again 8 months after my first.. I was already in a very violent relationship with my now ex and there was absolutely no way I could bring another child into the world into such a toxic environment.. He is the reason I terminated our second child.. Had that been any other man that wasn't abusive, I'd have two children today.
You're crazy for wanting to bring another child into this horrible environment. It's irresponsible

TenthGrade · 11/08/2021 23:08

I would say sperm can be acquired by other means involving willing donors but in your case, please don't inflict yourself on any more children...

Is this a reverse?

sunnyzweibrucken · 11/08/2021 23:21

I’m always amazed at people that think bringing children into a toxic relationship has no effect on the children. I just don’t understand it as it is so absolutely selfish.

Umberellatheweatha · 11/08/2021 23:36

Your child doesn't need a sibling. She needs a mother that says no to toxic relationships. So she can grow up knowing to do the same.

Umberellatheweatha · 11/08/2021 23:45

And you don't need someone else to love/to love you, you need to learn to love yourself.

Sweetchocolatecandy · 11/08/2021 23:45

It’s not ‘unreasonable’ to not want more kids. In fact I think you’re being unreasonable to want to bring more kids into your toxic environment.

Original poster
TeeTen · 11/08/2021 23:53

I think my point is being missed. Most of you are assuming that he is the wise one and the good one as he is saying no to bringing a child into a toxic environment and a domestic violence situation etc etc. No he is not saying that. He is saying that Ofcourse he would love to have kids and who wouldn’t want to have more but because he was reported for his misconduct and because my family had to speak up again him that is the reason why I don’t deserve to have a child. The incident occurred around 4 years ago and is in the past. I am not discussing why I am with this person or why I haven’t left etc as I am not going into the full details of the relationship. All I’m saying is the reason he is holding back is to punish me not because he is concerned about an unborn child and is doing the right thing making a wise decision. And by the way I am a grown woman who knows very well about domestic violence and domestic abuse. The cycle and the need to leave and get out of the relationship etc I am not being stupid and selfish and asking to bring up a child in that environment just because I want one abs don’t care about the life it will have. I haven’t gone into detail about what I have been through and where I am at now. My point was the reason he doesn’t want to have a child with me is because I spoke up against him and how dare I do that.

OP posts:
Original poster
TeeTen · 11/08/2021 23:56

Not at all. It’s not all about what I want.

OP posts:
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