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Original poster

Husband unreasonably refuses to have another child

240 replies

TeeTen · 11/08/2021 20:55

I currently have young daughter with my husband. I have wanted another child for quite some time now and he point blank refuses to have another child due to things which happened in the past in the marriage. To be quite honest the reasons he gives me for not wanting to have another child is because he ended up having to go to court and was reported by my family members and I had to give evidence against him. The marriage has consisted of a lot of ups and downs and this guy accepts zero responsibility for the things he has done but is basically punishing me as he had to face the consequences of his wrong doings as nothing is his fault. EVER. He is always the victim according to him and I don’t “deserve” any more children.

I can hear you all now asking why do I even want another child with this kind of person etc and I have thought about it all and long story short I really want to be a mother again and it upsets me that I cannot give my child a sibling and cannot expand my family simply because he refuses me. I’m being robbed of the chance of being a mother because that’s my punishment for daring to speak up against his wrong doings.

I’m in a difficult situation, I long to be a mother again and would absolutely love to have another child and my daughter would be really happy to have a sibling. But I cannot because he holds it over me as punishment and expects me to be happy and get on with life knowing how much I want it and can’t have it because that’s his decision. Sad

OP posts:
Mycatismadeofstringcheese · 11/08/2021 21:26

@TeeTen

How do you know we aren’t on the other side and have worked through all that? How do you know my situation isn’t good now and my child that I do have is safe and well? The incident took place years ago and is not a reflection of the current situation. Thanks.
Because you said nothing is his fault. EVER. He is always the victim according to him

That is not a worked-through, good situation.

MrsBertBibby · 11/08/2021 21:26

But if he is punishing you by withholding his swimmers, you haven't "worked through it", surely?

LouHotel · 11/08/2021 21:27

The fact you won't say what the offense was and that it was years ago sounds like something happened to your DD as a baby. I'm assuming it actually happened and wasn't your family being malicious.

You can have more children OP but you need to find a new partner to do so.

gannett · 11/08/2021 21:28

@TeeTen

How do you know we aren’t on the other side and have worked through all that? How do you know my situation isn’t good now and my child that I do have is safe and well? The incident took place years ago and is not a reflection of the current situation. Thanks.
Because neither of you seem to like each other.

You say he's using this to punish you and says you don't deserve children. You also describe him as accepting zero responsibility.

That's not a good situation for you, or your existing child, or a non-existent child.

MrsSkylerWhite · 11/08/2021 21:28

You still haven’t said what he did so how can anyone possibly offer reasoned advice.

CheeseCrackersAndChutney · 11/08/2021 21:29

I think maybe you need to find a different husband - it doesn’t seem that either of you is happy

SleepingStandingUp · 11/08/2021 21:29

@TeeTen

How do you know we aren’t on the other side and have worked through all that? How do you know my situation isn’t good now and my child that I do have is safe and well? The incident took place years ago and is not a reflection of the current situation. Thanks.
this guy accepts zero responsibility for the things he has done but is basically punishing me as he had to face the consequences of his wrong doings as nothing is his fault. EVER. He is always the victim according to him and I don’t “deserve” any more children.

Yeah op, he sounds dreamy.

ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule · 11/08/2021 21:29

@TeeTen

How do you know we aren’t on the other side and have worked through all that? How do you know my situation isn’t good now and my child that I do have is safe and well? The incident took place years ago and is not a reflection of the current situation. Thanks.
Well even if everything is completely wonderful and peachy, which from your OP it doesn't sound like it is, he doesn't want another child. So your options are to stay with him and make peace with having one child, or leave him and hope to meet someone else with which to have a second baby. Somehow though I doubt it's all in the past considering the way you describe him, hence the replies you've had from everyone that it would be a terrible idea to have another baby with this man.
Doodlefare · 11/08/2021 21:29

He sounds very reasonable, if you want to expand your family then perhaps its time to come to terms that it won't happen with him?

AdoptedBumpkin · 11/08/2021 21:31

Under the circumstances, he sounds very reasonable. Do you actually love him?

Fiddliestofsticks · 11/08/2021 21:32

You both sound like you're behaving really badly. Another child is absolutely not a good idea.

You cannot have a child when the other parent has already told you no repeatedly. His reason dont actually matter. That word "no" is what matters.

AliceMcK · 11/08/2021 21:33

@TeeTen

How do you know we aren’t on the other side and have worked through all that? How do you know my situation isn’t good now and my child that I do have is safe and well? The incident took place years ago and is not a reflection of the current situation. Thanks.
Because of this…

*The marriage has consisted of a lot of ups and downs and this guy accepts zero responsibility for the things he has done but is basically punishing me as he had to face the consequences of his wrong doings as nothing is his fault. EVER. He is always the victim according to him and I don’t “deserve” any more children.

I can hear you all now asking why do I even want another child with this kind of person etc and I have thought about it all and long story short I really want to be a mother again and it upsets me that I cannot give my child a sibling and cannot expand my family simply because he refuses me. I’m being robbed of the chance of being a mother because that’s my punishment for daring to speak up against his wrong doings.

I’m in a difficult situation, I long to be a mother again and would absolutely love to have another child and my daughter would be really happy to have a sibling. But I cannot because he holds it over me as punishment and expects me to be happy and get on with life knowing how much I want it and can’t have it because that’s his decision*

The relationship sounds very toxic. I feel sorry for the child you already have living in this environment. You should not be bringing another child into this relationship.

JulesCobb · 11/08/2021 21:34

Jesus op you are demanding a baby woth an abusive partner. Get some counselling and leave and take your poor actual victim child and do not be so selfish to have another

Yesiknowitsacrossbreed · 11/08/2021 21:34

So you family reported him for something, you had to give evidence against him, but whatever he did wasn't bad enough to leave him. You say it was years ago. So before you had your young daughter.

Now you say he says things like you don't deserve another child (despite hom also choosing to stay with after the court incident) and is always the victim and doesn't take responsibility.

But then hint that you have worked through the issues and are fine?

Do you see how this doesn't make sense.

Because to me, it reads as one of you, isn't not a good person.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 11/08/2021 21:35

@TeeTen

How do you know we aren’t on the other side and have worked through all that? How do you know my situation isn’t good now and my child that I do have is safe and well? The incident took place years ago and is not a reflection of the current situation. Thanks.
You described your current situation in your OP. Not a situation from years ago.
Topseyt · 11/08/2021 21:36

You need to leave him, not have another baby with him.

You haven't said what wrong doings he went to court for, reported by your family with you giving evidence against him. I imagine that it is highly likely to be something like domestic violence (or child abuse - I truly hope not).

It all begs the question of why you are still with him. You'll end up with social services involvement soon, if not already. You need to keep yourself and your existing child safe.

I don't like the sound of this man, or your whole setup really. So he's right on one thing - do NOT have another baby with him.

Needapoodle · 11/08/2021 21:36

Anyone can choose not to have a child for any reason.

Aquamarine1029 · 11/08/2021 21:37

@TeeTen

How do you know we aren’t on the other side and have worked through all that? How do you know my situation isn’t good now and my child that I do have is safe and well? The incident took place years ago and is not a reflection of the current situation. Thanks.
You aren't on the other side of anything. Your marriage is a disaster.
NeilBuchananisBanksy · 11/08/2021 21:37

It's not unreasonable not to want another child.

You are being selfish.

Plus he sounds feckless.

KidneyBeans · 11/08/2021 21:39

@TeeTen

How do you know we aren’t on the other side and have worked through all that? How do you know my situation isn’t good now and my child that I do have is safe and well? The incident took place years ago and is not a reflection of the current situation. Thanks.
Because if it was your husband wouldn't be holding a grudge against you and you wouldn't be posting disparagingly about him on the internet.

Neither of those things indicate a healthy relationship

acatcalledjohn · 11/08/2021 21:39

The marriage has consisted of a lot of ups and downs and this guy accepts zero responsibility for the things he has done but is basically punishing me as he had to face the consequences of his wrong doings as nothing is his fault. EVER. He is always the victim according to him and I don’t “deserve” any more children.

Yeah. This really sounds like you've worked through your issues... Hmm

Myla2 · 11/08/2021 21:40

@TeeTen but you clearly havent worked through it all and arent in a great of a place that you thought if he is still holding the past against you even now.

In your own words he is literary holding something that means so much to you and reserving you that right to "punish" you. Its manipulation at its purest. Maybe time to look for another person to have a baby with. Someone that wouldnt be that twisted in the head to even think of such a thing.

If your need is that strong to be a mother again, you know you need to go elsewhere

Notthemessiah · 11/08/2021 21:40

Without a LOT more info, it's impossible to judge who is bu, but even though he isn't here to put his side of the story, you've made such a poor go of what should have been a one-sided argument, in the way that you've stated your case and your reasons, that I'm not inclined to give you the benefit of the doubt.

Sounds like you'd both be better of without each other to be perfectly honest.

SocialAffairsAndWoodlandFolk · 11/08/2021 21:40

Alright, even overlooking the fact that somebody not wanting another child is not an unreasonable position at all, this man has already done something bad enough that prompted your family to report him and you to testify against him? And you want to have another child with him. It's a terrible idea from every angle. Don't bring another child into this.

idontlikealdi · 11/08/2021 21:42

Regardless of the shit before you can't force anyone to have a child. He doesn't want another, that's it.

Why you'd bring a baby into this shot show is another question.