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Original poster

Husband unreasonably refuses to have another child

240 replies

TeeTen · 11/08/2021 20:55

I currently have young daughter with my husband. I have wanted another child for quite some time now and he point blank refuses to have another child due to things which happened in the past in the marriage. To be quite honest the reasons he gives me for not wanting to have another child is because he ended up having to go to court and was reported by my family members and I had to give evidence against him. The marriage has consisted of a lot of ups and downs and this guy accepts zero responsibility for the things he has done but is basically punishing me as he had to face the consequences of his wrong doings as nothing is his fault. EVER. He is always the victim according to him and I don’t “deserve” any more children.

I can hear you all now asking why do I even want another child with this kind of person etc and I have thought about it all and long story short I really want to be a mother again and it upsets me that I cannot give my child a sibling and cannot expand my family simply because he refuses me. I’m being robbed of the chance of being a mother because that’s my punishment for daring to speak up against his wrong doings.

I’m in a difficult situation, I long to be a mother again and would absolutely love to have another child and my daughter would be really happy to have a sibling. But I cannot because he holds it over me as punishment and expects me to be happy and get on with life knowing how much I want it and can’t have it because that’s his decision. Sad

OP posts:
Topseyt · 11/08/2021 21:43

@TeeTen

How do you know we aren’t on the other side and have worked through all that? How do you know my situation isn’t good now and my child that I do have is safe and well? The incident took place years ago and is not a reflection of the current situation. Thanks.
Because your OP is absolutely crystal clear on it. You are now trying to backtrack.
lunar1 · 11/08/2021 21:43

Nobody should have a child they dont want.

Plumtree391 · 11/08/2021 21:44

@TeeTen

How do you know we aren’t on the other side and have worked through all that? How do you know my situation isn’t good now and my child that I do have is safe and well? The incident took place years ago and is not a reflection of the current situation. Thanks.
Your husband obviously hasn't worked through it all if he is still bitter about whatever happened which resulted in you giving evidence against him.
Ginger1982 · 11/08/2021 21:44

Your relationship doesn't sound healthy enough to be having any more kids.

Having one child is actually pretty good. Your child does not 'need' a sibling.

HotSauceCommittee · 11/08/2021 21:44

Please get some counselling and do the freedom programme.
Do your family have a social worker?

HalzTangz · 11/08/2021 21:44

I don't get why you are in a relationship with a man you gave evidence against at court.

Why don't you leave him and meet a decent man to have your second child with

GingerScallop · 11/08/2021 21:45
  1. He is punishing you by denying your fervent wish
  2. Nothing is ever his fault
Even ignoring what happened in the past this doesn't seem like a good person to have (more) children with. At the end of the day we all have reproductive rights. He has a right to make his own reproductive (a no) as do you (a yes). At the end of the day, you are reproductively incompatible. But there are other men that might want to reproduce with you. So make a decision of not having another one and staying with this man who never takes responsibility for his actions, or move in and hopefully meet a wonderful man who is compatible with you, loving and responsible. Or indeed stay single but go for a sperm donor
ajja2021 · 11/08/2021 21:46

Op seems too defensive to take any of these replies on board.

thecognoscenti · 11/08/2021 21:46

He isn't robbing you of your chance to be a mother. You ARE a mother. Maybe focus on the child you have and doing what's right for them.

It doesn't matter what his reasons are for not wanting another child. His feelings in that regard are valid.

HalzTangz · 11/08/2021 21:46

@TeeTen

How do you know we aren’t on the other side and have worked through all that? How do you know my situation isn’t good now and my child that I do have is safe and well? The incident took place years ago and is not a reflection of the current situation. Thanks.
Clearly you haven't worked through it if he is using the past as an excuse to not have more children with you
Amillionnc · 11/08/2021 21:46

I’m being robbed of the chance of being a mother

You are already a mother Confused or does your daughter not count for some bizarre reason

AnAnonymousCheerleader · 11/08/2021 21:47

@TeeTen

How do you know we aren’t on the other side and have worked through all that? How do you know my situation isn’t good now and my child that I do have is safe and well? The incident took place years ago and is not a reflection of the current situation. Thanks.
Because your own words make it clear the last is still an issue. He sound resentful that you gave evidence against him and you sound angry like you think he should have a baby he doesn't want.

Even without all the domestic violence stuff, people are allowed to not want more children and if it's going to cause resentment in a healthy relationship then they need to go their separate ways. From the way you describe your relationship with him, it's the last scenario you want to be choosing to bring children into.

mumsie8 · 11/08/2021 21:47

@TeeTen

How do you know we aren’t on the other side and have worked through all that? How do you know my situation isn’t good now and my child that I do have is safe and well? The incident took place years ago and is not a reflection of the current situation. Thanks.
But it is a reflection, surely, of the current situation if he's refusing to have another child with you because of what happened years ago???
AcrossthePond55 · 11/08/2021 21:47

He doesn't owe you a child simply because you want one. It wouldn't matter if you were on the other side of 'whatever it was'. He does not want another child. No one (male or female) should have a child if they don't want to. And if he's withholding a child to 'punish' you, that's even more of a reason not to have one with him.

If you want one that badly, is there are reason you won't leave and look elsewhere for a better partner who wants what you want? I know looking else where isn't a guarantee you'll have a second child. But it sounds as if it is a guarantee you won't have another child if you stay, so I'd take my chances.

ActonSquirrel · 11/08/2021 21:47

I’m being robbed of the chance of being a mother

What a bizarre thing to say. You're not a mother to the child you already have then?

He doesn't want another with you and I don't know you want another with him

Yesiknowitsacrossbreed · 11/08/2021 21:47

I wonder if op is just one of these people who speaks badly of people when they aren't giving into her.

I wonder if she is actually the abusive one and he knows having a second will make it harder for him to leave.

Whatinthelord · 11/08/2021 21:49

If he doesn’t want a child that’s his decision and it’s not fair to pressure if he’s given a clear answer.

If you think he is refusing to have a child to punish you…then your relationship isn’t in a place where you should be having a child anyway.

ActonSquirrel · 11/08/2021 21:49

@TeeTen

How do you know we aren’t on the other side and have worked through all that? How do you know my situation isn’t good now and my child that I do have is safe and well? The incident took place years ago and is not a reflection of the current situation. Thanks.
He still doesn't want another child. So leave or accept things as they are.
Gilly12345 · 11/08/2021 21:49

Your marriage doesn’t sound very stable and happy, I am not being funny but why do you want another child with him?

FatCatThinCat · 11/08/2021 21:49

You don't sound like you even like this man. Why would you bring another innocent child into that?

Feetupteashot · 11/08/2021 21:49

Madness. Sounds like you should be concentrating on improving the quality of your relationships

litterbird · 11/08/2021 21:49

This is quite a worrying post that you are wanting to bring a baby into this dangerous mess. I would seek a solicitor for divorce and therapy as to why you are not only staying but putting your need for children above this toxic relationship.

Plumtree391 · 11/08/2021 21:50

@Amillionnc

I’m being robbed of the chance of being a mother

You are already a mother Confused or does your daughter not count for some bizarre reason

Exactly. Be glad to have one!
Regularsizedrudy · 11/08/2021 21:50

What the fuck did I just read?

forumdonkey · 11/08/2021 21:50

@TeeTen

How do you know we aren’t on the other side and have worked through all that? How do you know my situation isn’t good now and my child that I do have is safe and well? The incident took place years ago and is not a reflection of the current situation. Thanks.
Because he's using this against you.

Until you disclose what it is he did and you worked through, posters will fill in the gaps from what you have said, which doesn't sound good for you or your child

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