Really really need a hand hold, in bits worried I’ve made a mistake

[Unhappt]

Broken up with someone today that I was really in love with. I’m wavering and going back and forth as to whether I was too hasty.

For background, we’ve been together well over a year and speak daily, see each other a few nights a week. Things had always been good but he was never one to want to rush to see me as soon as he was able to. I know that’s quite Disney style and took his flat approach to us as just who he was and an adult relationship. He’s late 30s I’m mid. I’ve never felt like we were a team.

We would talk about the upcoming weekend and he would say things like ‘I’m just going to be doing x or y so could see you’ or ‘are you still free this weekend?’ It sounds so embarrassing writing it down as it seems petty, but for me it was just another thing that signalled there was no assumption we saw each other, no eagerness to organise it or prioritise it. It made me feel shit, it was always me prompting, suggesting things to do etc. When I stepped back he’d be a little more proactive but never wanted to arrange a meal out or a trip somewhere.

It came to a head today. We’ve not seen each other for two weeks (he has been away with work) and were due to see each other this Friday. As it happens, I’ve been asked by work to be located within minutes from his place on Friday day, so I suggested I stay over tomorrow night so I was already in the area and made sense as I would be staying with him Friday night anyway. I was pleased work had suggested this as it meant an extra night together after a couple of weeks apart. His response was that he wasn’t sure, he wanted to sort things out and didn’t think me arriving at 9pm work would for him. He then followed it up by saying he ‘planned to rest’ over the weekend but it would be nice to see me. All said as if I am some distant person or friend? I don’t know if I am reading into this in a silly way but I’ve been in relationships less than half the amount of time of this one and never experienced this sort of dynamic?

He then said he needed to go and he was going back into work. I said ok but it feels generally like he’s not bothered and I can’t carry on like this and we said bye.

I feel like shit and wonder if I’ve done the right thing. I’m 36 next year and it makes it all seem so much worse and scary.

You've done the right thing, he couldn't care less about you. Sorry OP but a decent relationship is not like this one.

'I’ve never felt like we were a team.'
You did the right thing.

Was your relationship exclusive?

I think you have made the right decision too

You’ve done the right thing.

Yes.

Sounds like, at best, he’s not that into you.

Suggest no further contact.

Have you ever asked him why he is lacking in enthusiasm to see you? Never the one to arrange things together? What did/would he say?

I agree with other posters though, he sounds like he's not invested in your relationship and you've done the right thing.

You’ve done the best thing. After 2 weeks of not seeing each other he should have been excited to see you, making plans. Instead he’s demonstrated time and time again that he’s not that bothered whether he sees you or not.

You have done the right thing OP - no question. Someone will come along who truly adores you and it will serve to show up even more how this current guy is not the one.

You did the right thing.
He just wasn't feeling it clearly or is too set in his ways.
Better to call it done asap.

You've absolutely done the right thing. I was in a relationship like this once. I stuck with him for years, made excuses for him, etc, it's a total waste of time. Move on, and find someone who can offer you the respect you deserve, rather than someone who can take it or leave it, but likes to keep you dangling so you're available when it suits him. After you get over the initial upset, you'll feel so much better for taking control of the situation, rather than letting him call all the shots.

To cheer yourself up, make plans, either with friends or by yourself, to do things you enjoy at the weekend. Distract yourself and don't sit around moping about him - he's really not worth it!

You've done the right thing OP.

Totally right, after 2 weeks apart, no enthusiasm whatsoever should be a deal-breaker. You've wasted enough time on this, time to move on and find someone thrilled and excited to see you - can't beat that feeling, and if it's never been there from him, you are missing out.

From the things he has said, it has been difficult to tell hasn't it?

But I think that is the purpose of such stalling if you ask me. It serves a purpose for him, but I wouldn't like it personally.

And I wouldn't be surprised if the 'resting at the weekend' involved someone else, I'm afraid.

He’s an idiot and is not bothered about you/relationship.
Tell him to take a walk then block delete and move on. You deserve better 🎉

DH.. father of my child.. whom I've been locked down with/wfh/constantly with is away to Tesco on his lunch break and I miss him and can't wait for him to come home 🤷🏽‍♀️

You've done the right thing

Thanks for the responses. I feel so sick. And so sad. I thought he was the right one.

I was his first relationship and he often said that it meant so much to him because he would only have progressed things with someone who really mattered to him. I thought he was serious about us.

Late 30s, first relationship? I suspect he’s got far too used to being on his own, sadly. My mother in law says this now, she’s not been in a relationship for 20 years and as much as she loves the idea of being with someone, she likes her independent life far too much to join up with anyone again.

Right decision IMO, OP.

You've done the right thing! It sounds really tedious having to constantly 'push' for attention, and it seems like you had different expectations in terms of demonstrating your commitment

I'm not sure if you've posted previously about your situation, but if having q family /children is a priority, I'd advise you to go and have your fertility checked out so you know where you stand whether you wish to pursue with a view to find someone else or consider going at it alone possibly one day

@Dollywilde I stupidly thought that meant that this was really important to him. I am so sad. I really want to reach out to him and I know it’s the wrong thing to do. I feel so old to be single again.

@anthurium I posted in February about how he was intermittent with contact. That was the first sign I think. It’s so shit as we were really happy when together. I just couldn’t believe he was so indifferent to seeing me sooner after two weeks apart and with limited contact.

It made me feel shit - there’s your mantra for moving on.

Unless he is in some job which is so stressful he needs to chill out a lot (and even then he should have been happy that you would be in his area Friday night) then it shouldn't be this hard, this early on. I hate to say it but are you sure he is single? Or is he wierdly close to his mother or job or gaming or something. What is he doing with all these empty weekends? It sounds as though he has some other emotional connection going on?

Posted too soon!

You deserve much, much better op . I'm really sorry you are going through such heartache but you did absolutely the right thing. You don't want to end up with a semi-detached husband or father.

No I saw him every weekend. There wasn’t anyone else.