My partner says my son is the most horrible child he has ever met

[Owldeb2005]

My ds is 15 and is not an angel but lazy and spoiled as some teenagers seem to be. My partner went mad yesterday because ds had gone to play football with his friend and he is not allowed to go on his PS4 during the day. After work I started cleaning and did not see his calls until later. He wanted a lift home because his frien had hurt his leg. My partner said I should not pick him up when I saw the message because he was just being lazy. In the meantime he had tried everyone else and ended up calling my dad who doesn’t drive but my uncle lives there and he brought them back. My partner went mental saying how disgusting it was to ask like that and how he is a horrible child and a spoiled jumped up little c••t. I don’t think he did anything wrong but when I say that I am a bad parent and am turning him into a horrible person.
I am at my wits end with it because it is ranting a lot of the time when my son is with me.

@Umberellatheweatha I could not afford this house on my own so yes I would have to go

There is NO excuse for staying with a man who damages your child like this. Do better, OP.

Your poor son has done nothing wrong. Even if he had, no child deserves such a horrible abusive stepfather.

Why can you not see that? Why are you not protecting your child? If you don't ditch your partner you'll be regretting it in the future when the relationship with your son is irretrievably damaged.

Sounds like he’s an abusive partner.
My child always comes before anyone else.

@Kanaloa the only reason I didn’t pick him up was that I was doing housework and did not have my phone on me so I didn’t see the messages until he arrived home. Also I have never let him say those things to him, he just rants at me

I was expecting to read that your son stole from you and was having parties at your house and stuff.
I can’t see what your son has done so wrong here!

Obviously your partner is a twat but it’s really disappointing to hear that he called your son these vile words and you’ve not kicked him out!
Why are you choosing a man over your own son?
If someone spoke to me about my child in that way the relationship would be over immediately. It sounds like you allow him to speak like this regularly.

Your son is at such a crucial age to feel safe and loved, not dismissed just because he is a 'teenager', we've all been through those years too. Your son needs to see and hear you stand up for him; I suspect he can hear your partner ranting about him and is also walking on eggshells.

You need to leave your partner i'm afraid, your son will forever be grateful i'm sure.

[quote Owldeb2005]@Umberellatheweatha I could not afford this house on my own so yes I would have to go[/quote]
Could you be entitled to any benefits that might mean you could stay? (If the house is owned btw, speak to a solicitor before going anywhere).

Well, on the bright side at least if it's you that is going....that pretty much means you can leave this bastard any time you want. No drama trying to kick him out. Just pack a bag and bolt.

You could even rent a room somewhere just, if money is tight. Obviously somewhere for the 15 year old to stay with you would be ideal but, concentrate on just getting free for now. Try to think of it as a new adventure and a fresh start. Because, that's kinda what it is.

You are in the exact position that my son in laws Mum was in, some 10 years ago. The Mum chose the boyfriend and they have been NC ever since. Amazing things are happening for my son in law. A glittering career, marriage and kids are on the cards with my daughter, and his mother can only watch from the sidelines via facebook. Choose your child. Before it is too late.

@Jerima I am looking at places to get out so no I will not stay. I have seen enough now, even though I am scared of what he will do I am getting out.
I don’t have anywhere I can go so I have to set something up first and then go

@Laila747

Hmmm….if someone called one of my DC a horrible child or jumped up little c**t

That’d be the last thing they ever said to me.

Same

[quote Owldeb2005]@LittleMysSister he has been around for about 3.5 years. He has no kids but is always telling me that all his friends think his behaviour is disgusting and that I am a bad parent.[/quote]
Funny how people who don't have kids are always an expert on parenting!

It's clear that you are living your life walking on eggshells when you feel the need to explain why you didn't look at your phone. You don't need to explain why you didn't check your phone to him or us or anyone else. You don't need an excuse for that!

You say your partner doesn't talk to your son about these problems but just rants at you. I suppose that's a blessing in a way but don't think that your son isn't fully aware of your partners dislike of him. That's no way for him to live.

Your partner is pushing you to choose between him and your DS. The quicker you make that choice and LTB the better for your son. If you stick with this man he will drive a wedge between you and your child.

Right so a man with no parenting experience whatsoever feels intimately qualified with the subject to pass judgement on your son, you, and your parenting…

I’m sorry OP he sounds like an absolutely loon, and a dangerously stupid and unpleasant one to boot.

I have seen enough now, even though I am scared of what he will do I am getting out.

Why are you scared? Is he violent?

Owldeb2005 brilliant that you are going to leave this man. I hope you can organise something soon, don’t be proud, ask for help. You will be doing a great thing for your son and yourself. Don’t lose your nerve. Best of luck to you.

My god! Please for your sons sake kick your partner out

Do you really need to ask?
If anyone said that about my ds they would be out. Doesn't sound like your ds done anything wrong. Poor child start sticking up for him.

@Umberellatheweatha we rent this house so I can just walk away. That is why I am looking for another rental

Don’t do what my MIL did and pick an abusive man over your son. It damaged their relationship beyond repair and they’re now NC.

@toocold54 he has threatened to get his mates to come and do over my ex husband. I am not that sort of person and would not want that

@Winemewhynot I will not let that happen

Yes your son is a teenager and it’s normal for them to act in certain ways. My brother is 18, and still lives at home with my mum and her husband. Her husband is constantly telling her how much he “hates” my brother because of his attitude and how lazy he is ( he is 18 at the end of the day) my mums husband calls my brother horrible names even just for having a shower and using for fragranced body washes and spraying perfumes because it “irritates his nose” . When my mum told me all this had been going on, about how he calls my brother such awful names and says that he hates him. I ask her why she doesn’t say something to her husband and why she lets him talk about her own child like this infront of her and she does nothing. It’s not on. Like with your situation I can’t seem to understand what your son has actual done wrong?! Just seems like he is a typical teenager.

My mum has always been the type of “mother” to pick partners over her children,and let her partners talk about and treat her kids like crap, that’s why I left home at 16 with nothing. I’m a mum now of 2 children,and I can tell you something. Always prioritise your children, no matter what. Don’t ever let anyone talk bad about your children, expecially someone who isn’t your child’s father because your child is your responsibility and it’s non of his business. Always prioritise your children over any man, at the end of the day your children will always be their for you unlike partners who may come and go. My mum never learned hence the reason nearly all of her kids have left home and hardly see or speak to her.

It would likely be a good idea to phone women's aid and talk through the risks when leaving and how to manage them. If he is a threat to your ex, and from the way you are speaking, he could be a threat to you too. They could also potentially help you look at the options available to you housing wise

Your poor son. If anyone called any of my children that they'd be out the door with my foot up their backside at the very least. Why haven't you got rid of this evil
" man" ?!