My partner says my son is the most horrible child he has ever met

[Owldeb2005]

My ds is 15 and is not an angel but lazy and spoiled as some teenagers seem to be. My partner went mad yesterday because ds had gone to play football with his friend and he is not allowed to go on his PS4 during the day. After work I started cleaning and did not see his calls until later. He wanted a lift home because his frien had hurt his leg. My partner said I should not pick him up when I saw the message because he was just being lazy. In the meantime he had tried everyone else and ended up calling my dad who doesn’t drive but my uncle lives there and he brought them back. My partner went mental saying how disgusting it was to ask like that and how he is a horrible child and a spoiled jumped up little c••t. I don’t think he did anything wrong but when I say that I am a bad parent and am turning him into a horrible person.
I am at my wits end with it because it is ranting a lot of the time when my son is with me.

Christ, OP, he just sounds worse and worse.
Controlling and at least emotionally abusive.
You must take great care though - make your plans in secret, clear your browsing history, make sure all your passwords are fully protected - change them all if necessary!
You do not want him getting wind of your departure before you are actually walking out the door, and I would not do even that without further back up, preferably male.

He's a nasty bully and he could turn ugly and hurt you when he finds out you're leaving. So be very cautious.

OP even if you can't leave yet is there somewhere safe your DS can stay? Imagine how hard it must be for him having to share his home and space with a grown man who actively despises him.

I'm so pleased you seen the light @Owldeb2005

He is vile. If I heard someone call my child those names we would split up that very minute. Your son has to be more important to you than that vile man. Your son needs you to show him he's more important. He needs you to remove that man from his life. He will only damage him.

Your DP sounds awful in so many ways op. You will be much better off without him. Please do what you need to do to leave and take your DS and be happy together in a loving and calm home, where the lad can be himself without one or both of you getting grief.

And by the way - when your DP says his friends have commented on your son (if I've understood correctly) - do you honestly believe him. Because I am 100% certain that is all made up. He's trying to make you doubt your own opinions, trying to turn you against you own teenage son. It's vile and pathetic behaviour. A grown man who is scared that you love your son more than him (which so you should).

The only right answer to him criticising you son, and saying his friends think the same is 'I don't care what your loser friends think. I don't care what you think. My son is the most important person in the world to me, and he's worht a thousand of you'.

Of course I'm not suggesting you get in to that conversation with him, as he sounds unhinged and violent. Just look after you, look after your DS, and get out safely.

*you've seen the light

Get rid of him.

Protect your son.

Your poor son. It must be awful for him having your disgusting excuse for a partner in the house with him.

[quote Owldeb2005]@Hijabigirl234 I am sorry to hear that and I am working to get out now. I can’t lose my son because of someone else[/quote]
You're a better parent than my dad. Abusive stepmother whispering poison in his ear, he changed towards me. He's never had a nice word to say to me in 30 years now, he's scared shitless of her too.

He never stood up for me, not even once. We are NC and I won't miss him when he dies. The damage done to me is life-long.

Hold strong, even though it's hard. Your son will benefit hugely. When he's gone, talk to your son about how your partner was towards him, say that it was wrong and that you will never choose someone else like him. In these circumstances where he's been unwanted in his own home by one of the two adults, let him know that he and his wellbeing matter more to you than any partner. Let him know that you've put him first. It will make a huge long term difference to him.

Omg get rid of this awful man!

OwlDeb2005 do you have some support in real life? eg yr dad, uncle, friends?
How do his rants end - do you manage to talk him down (not that it’s your responsibility!) Even though not directly at your son he will know what is happening from the atmosphere in the house. When I think of my DC at that age, I would overwhelmingly want to protect them but you need to think of your personal safety too.

More knowledgeable mumsnet people than me can direct you to support organisations for advice eg Women’s Aid. Though I can see it’s difficult to contact if he is always there.

He sounds absolutely awful. Please please get rid, your poor son!

Really glad to hear your planning to leave your partner he is the one that's a cunt not your ds and I can't believe he called him one for wanting to help his friend, wtf

Ah, Millwall fans: 'No-one likes us, we don't care . . . ' Never encountered one who wasn't a complete dickturd. Supporters of the club are terribly good at shouting to young fans of rival clubs that they're cunts, so I'm not surprised it's a word on the tip of his tongue.

I'd rather live under a plastic animal food sack than with a Millwall supporter who called my kid a cunt, but that's me.

Wow he's the jumped up CUNT !!!!!!
Why isn't his clothes bin bagged on your door step?
Your son did nothing wrong. His friend hurt his leg and he was out been active and not a lot of kids to that so good on him doing something other then game or use his mobile !? Good job his uncle helped out

Op, your son is more important then anyone and cherish every moment you get- as a mum of 2 terminally ill children. PLEASE GET RID OF THIS MAN. Your son should mean the world to you, I wish my kids would be able to grow up and ask me to pick them up from football or even do them kind of sports

I'd never question it. You are so lucky and your son doesn't need a man like that around him and nor do you! Get him gone because that won't change

Regardless of whether your son's behaviour is unacceptable or not, I couldn't be with someone who spoke about my son that way!

@Allycott I have never done that and would not.

You sound like a lovely mum. Have you thought about how you're going to leave? I don't like the sound of him always going out with you. Can you enlist the support of your ex husband? All the best, I hope you get away quickly

@toocold54 I do work full time but I am working from home so I am here 24/7

@Oblahdeeoblahdoe I am looking for somewhere to rent and when I have that then my friend says that she will come with me to get my things. He never goes out so it’s not like I can move things gradually. My ex would have [name redacted] while I do it without doubt

[edited by MNHQ to remove RL name]

Might want to ask to have that name edited out.

Sounds like he resents having another almost-adult in the house and is trying to be as harsh and unreasonable as possible in the hope your DS will just move out.

I assume that you were on your own before you got a house with this twat so you know that you can do this.

The only bad parenting you're doing is staying with this man.

owldeb sending you strength. You've got a difficult path ahead of you for a while, but you're doing the right thing, never doubt it. In the end after all the changes have taken place, you might find you're much freer (if maybe a bit lonelier).

Maybe consider doing the Freedom programme when you are able to because you deserve so much better than this, but we tend to be drawn to the old familiar old familiar even when it's no good.

Take care, keep on planning for your son :) life will get harder for a time, but in the end much easier.

Well done, Owl and I'm glad you have a friend to help you.

Do YOU think your son isn't behaving well or speaking to you nicely? There's not enough information to go on here.