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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

My partner says my son is the most horrible child he has ever met

307 replies

Owldeb2005 · 11/08/2021 11:59

My ds is 15 and is not an angel but lazy and spoiled as some teenagers seem to be. My partner went mad yesterday because ds had gone to play football with his friend and he is not allowed to go on his PS4 during the day. After work I started cleaning and did not see his calls until later. He wanted a lift home because his frien had hurt his leg. My partner said I should not pick him up when I saw the message because he was just being lazy. In the meantime he had tried everyone else and ended up calling my dad who doesn’t drive but my uncle lives there and he brought them back. My partner went mental saying how disgusting it was to ask like that and how he is a horrible child and a spoiled jumped up little c••t. I don’t think he did anything wrong but when I say that I am a bad parent and am turning him into a horrible person.
I am at my wits end with it because it is ranting a lot of the time when my son is with me.

OP posts:

Sirinn · 11/08/2021 12:09

Despicable behaviour. Time to get rid of this bully who is a damaging influence around your son. Your priority is keeping him safe.

Joolsin · 11/08/2021 12:09

Your "partner" is a nasty, abusive prick. Your son is a normal teenager, and clearly a kind person as shown by his empathy for his friend. I would dump the nasty one and hold onto the kind one.

Turnthatlightoff · 11/08/2021 12:09

If any partner I had spoke about or treated my child like this they wouldn't be my partner.

Your son will be noticing all of this and that you allow him to be treated like shit by your partner.
You need to think hard about the message you're sending your son by allowing this to continue.

Surprisedpikachu · 11/08/2021 12:09

He sounds absolutely hideous. Imagine what your advice would be if you had a DD, and her partner spoke about her child like this - you’d tell her to get rid.

Original poster

Owldeb2005 · 11/08/2021 12:10

I didn’t leave them it was only when he got home he told me. I had not seen his texts or calls as I was cleaning and didn’t have my phone

OP posts:

Sisisimone · 11/08/2021 12:10

@Owldeb2005

I think I have had so much of this now that I was not sure if this was bad or if I am a bad parent. It has just made me so low and depressed

Get rid of this loser. Hes fucking with your mind, making you think your own son is a bad person. Get the toxic twat out of your life.

Skiptheheartsandflowers · 11/08/2021 12:10

Any teenage laziness doesn't really justify that level of anger and name calling from your partner. Have confidence in your own parenting. This doesn't sound like a relationship that can last with this level of hostility towards your son.

ExpressDelivery · 11/08/2021 12:11

Partner needs to go.

There may be things to be resolved with your DS, although nothing you describe there sounds so terrible, but you can't let anyone speak to your child like that. You certainly can't have that man in your son's home.

Letthelightoflove · 11/08/2021 12:12

This seems to be all about you and how it makes you feel rather than your DS which is where your focus should be.

TokyoSushi · 11/08/2021 12:12

Wow, you need to leave this man and prioritise your DS.

Umberellatheweatha · 11/08/2021 12:13

@Turnthatlightoff

If any partner I had spoke about or treated my child like this they wouldn't be my partner.

Your son will be noticing all of this and that you allow him to be treated like shit by your partner.
You need to think hard about the message you're sending your son by allowing this to continue.

Exactly. Do you want your sin growing up thinking that women are ok being treated this way? That partners are allowed to talk to children like this?

Dump the prick. And appologise to your son for not doing it sooner.

Greenmarmalade · 11/08/2021 12:13

You’re not a bad parent.

Your boy helped out an injured friend. Your partner swore at your son and criticized this behaviour.

You may well be beaten down and feel low, but the impact of your partner’s bullying on your son in these formative years will also be very significant.

So you need to get whatever practical, physical (a male relative to be at the house while you tell your partner to leave, etc.) and emotional support you can, quickly. You absolutely have to leave this man soon. No second chances.

DillonPanthersTexas · 11/08/2021 12:14

is not an angel

I always find this phrase can hide an awful lot of context and back story.

Either way, your partner should have the maturity and patience to deal with a teenager without resorting to verbal abuse and petty actions.

Brusselsprouts21 · 11/08/2021 12:14

You have a horrible partner who needs to be shown the door now. He has no right commenting on anything to do with your son. Do not listen to him anymore, he is making you think your a bad parent. You will only be that if you pick that bully over your son.

LtDansleg · 11/08/2021 12:14

Op, why in the actual fuck are you allowing your boyfriend to call your son a cunt?? He hadn’t even done anything wrong. He’s abusing your child and you’re allowing it.

QualityMarguerite · 11/08/2021 12:14

Mine rang for a lift as footy had left him tired. I took the piss but collected him cheerfully and had a good chat in the short drive home. Lifts, help snd kindness is normal. Your partner is abusive.

PurplePlain · 11/08/2021 12:14

Your son was either being considerate towards his friend or at worst a bit lazy. No need for insults or swearing.

Original poster

Owldeb2005 · 11/08/2021 12:15

@jackstini he does live with me and I am constantly treading on eggshells when my son is here. He doesn’t rant at my son he does it at me and it is very stressful

OP posts:

WhiskeyGalore212 · 11/08/2021 12:15

I'm not seeing what your son did wrong.

AnnieSnap · 11/08/2021 12:16

@Letthelightoflove

This seems to be all about you and how it makes you feel rather than your DS which is where your focus should be.

Take it easy, the OP has stated in a subsequent post that she feels very low and doubts herself. It sounds like classic abuse victim psychology. She needs our support.

gamerchick · 11/08/2021 12:16

If you carry on with this relationship, your kid will be off first chance be gets.

Your partner is making you choose between them.

Chloemol · 11/08/2021 12:16

So when are you leaving your partner? Because I would kicked him to the curb the first time he did this

Your first responsibility is to your child

Branleuse · 11/08/2021 12:16

your boyfriend needs to fuck off. How dare he speak like that to or about your child. There is no coming back from that. If he wants to square up and feel all alpha in front of a 15 year old boy, then hes pathetic.

Side with your son. Men are ten a bloody penny. You can do better, and you are going to wreck not only your relationship with your own son, but potentially his future mental health

TooMuchPaper · 11/08/2021 12:16

Do you want to live your life treading on eggshells? It's no way to live really. Does your dp bring any value to your life?

Original poster

Owldeb2005 · 11/08/2021 12:16

@LtDansleg He never does it to his face he rants on at me all the time and says I should punish him etc

OP posts:

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