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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My partner says my son is the most horrible child he has ever met

307 replies

Owldeb2005 · 11/08/2021 11:59

My ds is 15 and is not an angel but lazy and spoiled as some teenagers seem to be. My partner went mad yesterday because ds had gone to play football with his friend and he is not allowed to go on his PS4 during the day. After work I started cleaning and did not see his calls until later. He wanted a lift home because his frien had hurt his leg. My partner said I should not pick him up when I saw the message because he was just being lazy. In the meantime he had tried everyone else and ended up calling my dad who doesn’t drive but my uncle lives there and he brought them back. My partner went mental saying how disgusting it was to ask like that and how he is a horrible child and a spoiled jumped up little c••t. I don’t think he did anything wrong but when I say that I am a bad parent and am turning him into a horrible person.
I am at my wits end with it because it is ranting a lot of the time when my son is with me. Sad

OP posts:
MargosKaftan · 11/08/2021 13:35

Is it his house or yours?

If yours, ask him to leave. If its his its harder but it sounds like your dad and brother are supportive - would they help you and ds?

Another voice here saying your DS asking for help because his friend was injured is not a sign he is lazy or selfish, but that you have raised a kind boy.

Your 'D'P sounds horrible.

Lavenderpillow · 11/08/2021 13:37

OP how on Earth can you stay with someone who has called your child a cunt?!
Staying with him shows no respect for your son whatever and will horribly damage the relationship between you and him.
Imagine you were your child and your mother stayed with someone who loathes you-how would that make you feel?!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 11/08/2021 13:38

Your 15yo is only lazy and spoiled if you have allowed him to be. But is he really? Or is that just your partner's opinion?

BUT - your partner has no business saying those things, and even less business telling you what to do or not do where your son is concerned.

Today might be the exception to the rule but your son was trying to help his friend who had a hurt leg - wtf is anyone thinking that that counts as "lazy and spoiled"??

I'm with the vast majority - you are doing your son NO favours at all to keep forcing him to live with your partner, who doesn't sound like he even likes your son.

Your son should be your priority. Get the partner out.

Lovemusic33 · 11/08/2021 13:41

Teenagers can be selfish and hard work but that’s totally normal. Your DS asked for a lift as his friend hurt his leg? Surely your DS was being sensible and caring about his mate? Your DP is being a twat and shouldn’t be telling you what you can and can’t do regarding running around after your DS and he shouldn’t be shouting at him and calling him a C*nt.

I have 2 teens and I have to say it’s so much easier raising them on my own, I can imagine it causing arguments in any relationship but there’s no way I would allow someone else to tell me how to parent them. Ditch the DP and live a peaceful life.

yourestandingonmyneck · 11/08/2021 13:41

What is the relevance of the PS4?

Nobody on an Internet forum can really tell you what to do here, but yeah, based on the info you have given here about this man, he needs to go.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 11/08/2021 13:42

[quote Owldeb2005]@LittleMysSister he has been around for about 3.5 years. He has no kids but is always telling me that all his friends think his behaviour is disgusting and that I am a bad parent.[/quote]
This is a standard abusive message - "Everyone thinks you're shit, all my friends agree with me" - just to make you believe that what he says is the truth.

I doubt very much that his friends believe that - unless he's told them that specifically to guide them to believe it.

Either way, his friends' opinion is of no value to you - once you get away from him, you won't need to see them, or him, again.

Fancymice · 11/08/2021 13:42

Get rid!

My DP grew up with a step dad who disliked him and its had a huge impact on his self esteem, and has damaged his relationship with his mum, even decades later. This impact happened when he wasn't even living with them full time, his GPs were the main carers.

If you stay with your partner it WILL have a huge impact on the relationship with your son as he will feel that you've chosen your partner over him.

Plumtree391 · 11/08/2021 13:43

[quote Owldeb2005]@Letthelightoflove. It is definitely not all about me I worry about how this makes my ds feel and am looking for somewhere to move out to as my partner has been threatening to my ex husband too. I worry that he will go and sort him out if we split and I don’t want to be responsible for that or let ds have to deal with that[/quote]
One positive thing is that you are looking for somewhere to live, I hope you find somewhere soon.

I doubt if your ex will sort anybody out post split, it seems he takes it all out on you and if you are not there, he will be like a deflated balloon.

However you must get out of this relationship as quickly as possible and implement measures to keep the man away from your new home.

We're all rooting for you here! However we know it isn't easy to just up sticks, especially if you jointly own a property.

Maybe you can find somewhere to rent on a temporary, eg six monthly, basis.

Bananalanacake · 11/08/2021 13:45

Who cares what some random fucking man has to say about your parenting, it is nothing to do with him. It's like walking down the street and a stranger saying something about your parenting, your DPS opinion is of the same value. Worthless. Is it his house, think of how much happier you will be when he doesn't live with you.

godmum56 · 11/08/2021 13:47

@Owldeb2005

I think I have had so much of this now that I was not sure if this was bad or if I am a bad parent. It has just made me so low and depressed
you will feel much better once you have dumped the partner
Plumtree391 · 11/08/2021 13:50

@yourestandingonmyneck

What is the relevance of the PS4?

Nobody on an Internet forum can really tell you what to do here, but yeah, based on the info you have given here about this man, he needs to go.

I too wondered about the relevance of the PS4 and also why son is not allowed on it during the day.
Haffiana · 11/08/2021 13:50

Child before cock. Always.

Iflyaway · 11/08/2021 13:51

It has just made me so low and depressed

A partner should build you up not bring you down. Otherwise what's the point? I'd rather be free of that any day!

SkyeIsPink · 11/08/2021 13:51

I have read this thread in horror. Please prioritise your son and make your partner leave (if it’s your house). If you’re scared of him, get some friends round to support you and make sure you change the locks.

If it’s not your house, reach out to your family and friends. I’m sure someone will help you. I’m sure at least one person has clocked that he’s an abusive arsehole.

ChequerBoard · 11/08/2021 13:52

I'm another one that can't see what your son is supposed to have done wrong??

I feel so sorry for your son, can't you see that you and he are both being abused by this man? He is trying to alienate you from your son, to see him as 'bad' and for that 'badness' to be all your fault. Have you given up other relationships - friends, family members that you used to be close to? If so, ask yourself why.

He is a nasty, controlling bully. Please get shot of him and focus on repairing your relationship with your son before it's too late:

takealettermsjones · 11/08/2021 13:52

Your 'partner' is an abuser.

Aside from that, I don't see what is wrong with a child asking for a lift??

wewereliars · 11/08/2021 13:53

Your poor poor son. That you even have to ask!

Terhou · 11/08/2021 13:57

It doesn't sound as if your partner is adding anything to your life in any way. Time to tell him he doesn't have to put up with your son any longer, you won't be seeing him again.

TrueGrit54 · 11/08/2021 13:57

Poor boy. Get rid of that horrible man and look after your child. Get help from friends or anyone you can to help you.

Branleuse · 11/08/2021 13:57

i just cant imagine allowing anyone to say that about my child. Even if they were actually a particularly difficult child.
If he gave a shit, then he would be supportive to you and trying to mentor the kid more, not shouting, berating or insulting him.
Your boyfriend is not a safe person to have around. He will ruin your son and your relationship with your son. Get out before any more damage is done

misskick · 11/08/2021 13:58

He is being abusive to your son. Your son will soon be walking on egg shells and his confidence and self esteem will hit rock bottom of it carry's on.

TeeBee · 11/08/2021 14:00

@Laila747

Hmmm….if someone called one of my DC a horrible child or jumped up little c**t

That’d be the last thing they ever said to me.

If someone said it about my child, it would be the last thing they said to anyone!

OP, get rid of that hateful man. Just one of those things would have had me dragging him out of my house by his hair, let alone in combination. Absolutely disgusting. What are you waiting for?

Jerima · 11/08/2021 14:04

I really don't think this OP is going to leave her partner at all if I'm honest. Seen it far too many times before.
He's been there 3.5 years and has done this in the past and she hasn't binned him.

Probably thinks she can keep the peace between the two and smooth things over keeping the partner and the son both happy and eventually becoming a referee smoothing things out putting them right, keeping this secret and that secret so nobody kicks off.

Sadly I think this is one of those cases and it only ends in misery and estrangement, which is what the partner is hoping for.

CutePanda · 11/08/2021 14:15

The only reason you are a “bad parent” is that you are prioritising your abusive partner over your DS. You are not married to him so you can easily leave! You need to start prioritising your DS. I feel so sorry for the poor boy :(

SinisterBumFacedCat · 11/08/2021 14:16

He is trying to isolate you from your own child. There is no choice to make. LTB.