How do I stand up for myself facing my abuser in court

[Queenie6655]

Court case in a few days

I'm so so worried

Yes I have done nothing wrong

He has made it all out to be my fault

He tried to kill me
Hurt my child
Knife to my throat

I'm so used to believing this man and letting him get his way that I have mentally prepared myself for a total and utter shambles ahead of me and to be victim blamed

Why didn't I leave
Why forgive him!!

I caused a lot of these problems by covering up for him

How will I stand up for myself in court and try to tell my story ??!!!?

@Justilou1

Kittens and puppies are good, but pandas, baby goats and otters are fab too. 🥰🥰🥰 When you’re up to it, can recommend a form of trauma recovery counselling/therapy called EMDR. It’s confronting, but it helps you process and heal from PTSD so much faster than any other form of therapy. The waiting list is long, so talk to your GP about it when you’re up to it.

Fantastic thank you

I need to look this up

Before I searched but there were very few practitioners in my area

Court case adjourned - due to sit again spring 2022 (let's hope)

I will also ensure that I can give as much money and donations of goods to womans aid

They Have done so many great things

And continue to help so many in my position xxxxxxx

Tbh, @Queenie6655, I very much doubt you should start until after the court case is over as you will need to process it ALL. (Best done in one series of treatments IMO. Am speaking from experience. Am a survivor of serious childhood abuse and neglect and a separate SA. This form of treatment has helped like no other, but also recommend regular ongoing counselling and use of prescription medication if you and your doctor feel it’s required too. While I honestly think that the system is DEFINITELY far from perfect and that these things should never happen in the first place, we are so very lucky to live in a world where we have access to medical and psychological help, (so please take advantage of whatever you feel you need there) and we are not legally punished or treated like a moral or religious pariah like in some other countries - Where the innocent victims of abuse are punished for the crimes of the perpetrators.)

@Justilou1

Tbh, *@Queenie6655*, I very much doubt you should start until after the court case is over as you will need to process it ALL. (Best done in one series of treatments IMO. Am speaking from experience. Am a survivor of serious childhood abuse and neglect and a separate SA. This form of treatment has helped like no other, but also recommend regular ongoing counselling and use of prescription medication if you and your doctor feel it’s required too. While I honestly think that the system is DEFINITELY far from perfect and that these things should never happen in the first place, we are so very lucky to live in a world where we have access to medical and psychological help, (so please take advantage of whatever you feel you need there) and we are not legally punished or treated like a moral or religious pariah like in some other countries - Where the innocent victims of abuse are punished for the crimes of the perpetrators.)

This is very useful thank you

The system is not perfect but there were so many kind people helping me along the way and the MET were v v good in so many ways

Thanks again
How are you now?

Thanks for asking, obviously, a flawed human being darling but I’m getting there. It was a long time ago. Had a lot of ground to cover! Am happily married and have three fabulous kids. Haven’t repeated past mistakes so that’s proof of evolution I guess.😆😆😆

@Justilou1

Thanks for asking, obviously, a flawed human being darling but I’m getting there. It was a long time ago. Had a lot of ground to cover! Am happily married and have three fabulous kids. Haven’t repeated past mistakes so that’s proof of evolution I guess.😆😆😆

Good for you

And great advice

Need to slow down
Get this man jailed I hope

Then get some long term therapy

Great plan! Also suggest surrounding yourself with people who genuinely love and support you. The ones who lift you up, and can offer advice if they think you’re veering off track without crushing your soul or self-esteem. I’m not sure if people have mentioned the Freedom Program to you, but I think that would be a great place to start.

Yes

For sure

Woman's aid helping also

All the kind People here will never forget the advice

And the reassurance xxxxxxx

Each day is getting easier

Have another statement to make later today

Ffs wish this man would disappear

He is digging a deep hole for himself

Well let him be his own worst enemy. (Second if you count you!)

@Justilou1

Well let him be his own worst enemy. (Second if you count you!)

Well yes very true

Hate this man
This system is so broken

He should have been charged with loads more but wasn't even though cps had all the texts, emails , statements

Sometimes I wish I never even started 😢😢😢🤬

Do you know if he was remanded in custody til retrial, or is he out on bail?

Out on bail not a care in the world

Hate this process

Maybe i should have accepted earlier guilty plea

He has got away with so so much though

My gut said NO

What the fuckety fuck? You are so very right that the system is broken!!! How on earth??? You poor thing!!! Please feel free to pm me any time!!! I hope you have access to counselling and family support!!!

@Justilou1

What the fuckety fuck? You are so very right that the system is broken!!! How on earth??? You poor thing!!! Please feel free to pm me any time!!! I hope you have access to counselling and family support!!!

Thank you

System is an utter mess
Feel like I'm not being heard

Feel like the threats he made are not being taking seriously
Threats to kill many family members which he admitted to via text
Not even charged for it

Wtaf

Met many kind people along the way also thankfully

It just takes a lot out of you

My darling girl, I am so utterly sorry. Shameful.

😢😢😢😢

Is he out on bail pending social service reports and sentencing for those offences that he did plead guilty to?

Or did he not get a custodial sentence for them?

Or were those charges dropped even though he pled guilty to them?

I suspect (and hope!) the first, he's out pending reports and awaiting sentencing. It takes weeks, and the courts are all so back logged.

No see I don't think so
It's been adjurned

So we wait for another date even though he pled guilty to quite a few charges

@prettybird

Is he out on bail pending social service reports and sentencing for those offences that he did plead guilty to?

Or did he not get a custodial sentence for them?

Or were those charges dropped even though he pled guilty to them?

No there was no mention of custody yet

My barrister said it is likely

But no idea

Lost your thread for a while, sorry it's still not settled. With any luck he'll be given time for what he has pleaded guilty to, and you can forget about everything else until next year.
Take care of yourself.

Seriously think a hitman would be doing the world a favour. (And I’m a Pacifist.)

@Justilou1

Seriously think a hitman would be doing the world a favour. (And I’m a Pacifist.)

My family joke about this from time to time