Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How do I stand up for myself facing my abuser in court

572 replies

Queenie6655 · 11/08/2021 10:44

Court case in a few days

I'm so so worried

Yes I have done nothing wrong

He has made it all out to be my fault

He tried to kill me
Hurt my child
Knife to my throat

I'm so used to believing this man and letting him get his way that I have mentally prepared myself for a total and utter shambles ahead of me and to be victim blamed

Why didn't I leave
Why forgive him!!

I caused a lot of these problems by covering up for him

How will I stand up for myself in court and try to tell my story ??!!!?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Original poster
Queenie6655 · 24/09/2021 19:10

No next time can't be as bad

Let's hope it won't

OP posts:
Original poster
Queenie6655 · 24/09/2021 19:27

And the wonderful advice here got me through every single day

Every lunch time I read through the tips

OP posts:
Original poster
Queenie6655 · 24/09/2021 19:35

Anyone know if DV cases with rape as a major charge are reported in the media by persons name?

Sorry to have to ask just thinking ahead here

OP posts:
WheresYourSnickers · 24/09/2021 19:43

I'm so sorry you have to go through all this again, but you are strong and you can do it 👊

HirplesWithHaggis · 24/09/2021 20:07

If the media printing his name would identify you as his victim, he won't be named.

Original poster
Queenie6655 · 24/09/2021 20:09

Fantastic

Hope not

Thank you xxx

OP posts:
Justilou1 · 24/09/2021 23:31

Oh my poor, darling… we’ll be here

NoPrivateSpy · 25/09/2021 00:23

Keep going, Queenie. You're nearly there. You're doing such a good job holding it all together. Remember, stay true to yourself. You haven't done anything wrong and that will show, despite all his shit.

xxThanks

HirplesWithHaggis · 25/09/2021 00:45

A thought just struck me - the trial for these two charges needs to be redone. But he already pleaded guilty on three charges, so you will get justice for those soon, before the retrial.

Nat6999 · 25/09/2021 01:26

First the CPS are representing you, they will present the case for the prosecution, you should be given someone to support you at court either a police officer or court official who will take you to see the room before the case starts & explain how everything will work. You may be able to give your evidence via video link from another room in the court. The CPS must think that there is a good chance of winning the case or they wouldn't have been interested in bringing a prosecution.

Original poster
Queenie6655 · 25/09/2021 09:50

@HirplesWithHaggis

A thought just struck me - the trial for these two charges needs to be redone. But he already pleaded guilty on three charges, so you will get justice for those soon, before the retrial.
Ok this is interesting

What really could this mean

Another discussion between parties re charges ?

Gosh this is terrifying

At one point when his barrister was putting it to me that I lie re this and that I bit my hand so badly to hold a scream in

Awful

The poor people who have been through this and are about to need so much more respect

What I would say is that the ushers were so so kind and witness support are just angels

OP posts:
Original poster
Queenie6655 · 25/09/2021 11:39

Guys do I accept his earlier guilty pleas which could lead to 2 years locked up and move on from. All this??

Or continue and maybe wait another year

Reported three years ago

😢😢😢😢😢

OP posts:
prettybird · 25/09/2021 11:46

It's not your choice: that's up to the CPS.

There's nothing stopping him being sentenced and having to come back for trial for the more serious charges from prison.

What you can do is get on with your own life and don't let fear of him, or the future trial, control you. Don't give him that power.

So yes, move onThanks. If and when it comes to trial again, you can and will deal with it. You are strong . Despite his best efforts, he didn't break you SmileThanks

Original poster
Queenie6655 · 25/09/2021 11:56

@prettybird

It's not your choice: that's up to the CPS.

There's nothing stopping him being sentenced and having to come back for trial for the more serious charges from prison.

What you can do is get on with your own life and don't let fear of him, or the future trial, control you. Don't give him that power.

So yes, move onThanks. If and when it comes to trial again, you can and will deal with it. You are strong . Despite his best efforts, he didn't break you SmileThanks

Ok this is my gut feeling

Move on
Get ready when the time comes

And go attend another trail for this mad mad person who is out of control

Could be time for him to pay for many of the events that took place xxxxxx

OP posts:
prettybird · 25/09/2021 12:01

Dh was in the jury for a rape trial and said that they only realised towards the end of it that the fact that the defendant came up into the box rather than through the court was because he was coming up from the cells as he was already in prison on another charge.

Original poster
Queenie6655 · 25/09/2021 12:22

On my god!!!!

🤬🤬🤬🤬

OP posts:
Original poster
Queenie6655 · 25/09/2021 12:38

So really cps and my barrister are the ones to view these guilty pleas and decide what to do next

Is this called a plea offer?

OP posts:
prettybird · 25/09/2021 13:03

It really is just up to the CPS. But I don't really know the English system.

The only potential influence you might have is if you were to say you weren't prepared to testify again. Then the CPS might decide that it didn't have enough evidence to proceed.

If the CPS proceeds with the serious charges, then it shows that they have confidence in your testimony as you've already done it once. If they don't proceed it won't be down to you but will be a calculation on the probability of a conviction versus the sentence he has already been given.

When I did jury service it got stopped after a few days as he pled guilty to a couple of the lesser charges and the Fiscal (our version of the CPS) accepted the Not Guilty on the more serious charges (which the defence lawyer may have been able to create "reasonable doubt" over. No idea of what he was sentenced as we accepted our release from jury service and legged it Grin Seriously though, I think sentencing was deferred for the necessary reports to be produced. So sentencing was at some later date.

Original poster
Queenie6655 · 25/09/2021 13:23

@prettybird

It really is just up to the CPS. But I don't really know the English system.

The only potential influence you might have is if you were to say you weren't prepared to testify again. Then the CPS might decide that it didn't have enough evidence to proceed.

If the CPS proceeds with the serious charges, then it shows that they have confidence in your testimony as you've already done it once. If they don't proceed it won't be down to you but will be a calculation on the probability of a conviction versus the sentence he has already been given.

When I did jury service it got stopped after a few days as he pled guilty to a couple of the lesser charges and the Fiscal (our version of the CPS) accepted the Not Guilty on the more serious charges (which the defence lawyer may have been able to create "reasonable doubt" over. No idea of what he was sentenced as we accepted our release from jury service and legged it Grin Seriously though, I think sentencing was deferred for the necessary reports to be produced. So sentencing was at some later date.

Very useful

So not really in my hands

OP posts:
Justilou1 · 25/09/2021 13:54

Not in your hands, but how you choose to heal is… You can see yourself as he wants to - his victim, or you can see yourself as we see you - the woman who survived this bastard and is bringing him down. Someone who stood up in court and had to re-live it all, get interrogated over and over in an attempt to discredit you, because the system is broken. Very broken. Despite this, you did that anyway. You are so very, very, strong and you will heal and grow and NEVER tolerate this again.

HirplesWithHaggis · 25/09/2021 13:57

No, not in your hands any more. You're "just" a witness. I suppose if you were to refuse to give evidence they would possibly drop the two serious charges, because without you they don't have the evidence. But he has pleaded guilty to three charges, and will be sentenced on those regardless.

I guess you can relax for a wee while at least. :)

Original poster
Queenie6655 · 25/09/2021 14:26

@Justilou1

Not in your hands, but how you choose to heal is… You can see yourself as he wants to - his victim, or you can see yourself as we see you - the woman who survived this bastard and is bringing him down. Someone who stood up in court and had to re-live it all, get interrogated over and over in an attempt to discredit you, because the system is broken. Very broken. Despite this, you did that anyway. You are so very, very, strong and you will heal and grow and NEVER tolerate this again.
Wow this is so useful thank you
OP posts:
Original poster
Queenie6655 · 25/09/2021 14:26

@HirplesWithHaggis

No, not in your hands any more. You're "just" a witness. I suppose if you were to refuse to give evidence they would possibly drop the two serious charges, because without you they don't have the evidence. But he has pleaded guilty to three charges, and will be sentenced on those regardless.

I guess you can relax for a wee while at least. :)

So really sit and wait l

See what next ?

OP posts:
Original poster
Queenie6655 · 25/09/2021 14:51

Silly question

Is there a chance nothing else will happen now he will just hopefully get jail! ?!

But only for the charges he pled guilty to?

OP posts:
HirplesWithHaggis · 25/09/2021 15:09

Yes, pretty much sit and wait, but putting it all to the back of your mind. It's not an immediate concern.

It is possible they will drop the two serious charges rather than go to a retrial, it depends on why the first trial failed. (I understand you may not be able to share that information.) But I personally think (I am not a lawyer) the retrial will go ahead as long as you are willing to give evidence again. CPS know they nearly had him, and he's a bad 'un.

In the meantime, he has pleaded guilty to three charges, and will be sentenced on those in the next month or so. I hope your friendly copper will update you when it happens, and I hope it is jail time.