How do I stand up for myself facing my abuser in court

[Queenie6655]

Court case in a few days

I'm so so worried

Yes I have done nothing wrong

He has made it all out to be my fault

He tried to kill me
Hurt my child
Knife to my throat

I'm so used to believing this man and letting him get his way that I have mentally prepared myself for a total and utter shambles ahead of me and to be victim blamed

Why didn't I leave
Why forgive him!!

I caused a lot of these problems by covering up for him

How will I stand up for myself in court and try to tell my story ??!!!?

@wewereliars

The judge won't know about any past offending unless and until he is found guilty of assaulting you. The logic is that otherwise he will be punished for the same offence repeatedly.

If he is, the past offence/s has has been found guilty of will affect his sentence. Definitely take a supportive friend if you can OP.

Very useful thank you do s So much

@Pebbledashery

Good luck xx here for you. Did you have police and children's services involvement xx

Yes I do

Around ten agencies helped me along the way and with getting refuge support

@Pebbledashery

I would say don't go in with any expectations. My exes barrister was a pitbull, I mean total pitbull.. You could tell our case was so beneath her. She thought she could tear me apart. She even struggled to say my surname correctly and I corrected her very many times. She did make me cry several times, but I took from that that it was genuine emotion. My barrister was half her age, with 20 years less call, but she is the most beautifully articulate person I know and that's what mattered at the end of the day. And evidence of course. It'll be ok. You can request a screen to give evidence behind and sit behind too so you don't have to look at him.

Interesting

You poor thing
How is this fair

I hate it

Hope you got the outcome you wanted

Also, take a breath or two to settle before answering hard questions. Don't let his lawyer bully you by peppering questions at you too quickly, and ask him to repeat the question if necessary.

@FindMeInTheSunshine

Also, take a breath or two to settle before answering hard questions. Don't let his lawyer bully you by peppering questions at you too quickly, and ask him to repeat the question if necessary.

Very good point

Going to stop
Repeat the question in my head and take my time

Not being bullied any more by this man

Agency involvement gives you a step above him already. We did get a good outcome, I had some findings against me that I was physically and verbally abusive towards him.. But I was told to pick my battles.. As he had many msbt findings against him including child abuse.. Because my case is family court, it'll be different to yours.
Good luck xx it'll be ok

Make sure you know your statement back to front also. They try and trip you up when you're giving oral evidence.. If it deviates from your statement, you'll be told you're a liar! I lost count how many times I was called a liar by his barrister.

Affirmations.. say them out loud if you need to.

I was abused by this man.

I will not let your tactics derail me.

I have come to court today to tell the truth.

That is not the truth. What I have said is the truth.

I was afraid of him. I was unable to leave but that does not mean I was not abused.

Dont be rushed, try to stick to the facts rather than opinon, and if the barrister is bullying you you can say so. " I am finding your tone bullying" That's not a good look for a prosecition barrister.

For this offence, his barrister may be quite junior and trying to make a name for themselves. He is not bothered about you one way or another. He is playing a part.

If you can't remember or are not sure, say so. Nothing wrong with that at all. Dont guess, that's the worst thing to do.

The barrster for him will be trying to attack your credibility to get him off, its not personal. Remember that! The less he has to work with the more arsey his barrister may be. Good luck OP X

Write down your side of the story. If you do not understand the question, ask them to repeat. Ask the judge for permission to speak if you feel the cross examination has given an unfair picture.

I had a case that didn't come to court, but, when I told the police that I'd told someone at the time, a friend, they said this would be very helpful for my case. I don't know if this is relevant to you, but is there someone who knows what you went through who could back you up?

@annacondom

I had a case that didn't come to court, but, when I told the police that I'd told someone at the time, a friend, they said this would be very helpful for my case. I don't know if this is relevant to you, but is there someone who knows what you went through who could back you up?

Yes my very lovely work colleagues Thankfully xxx

@ChateauMargaux

Write down your side of the story. If you do not understand the question, ask them to repeat. Ask the judge for permission to speak if you feel the cross examination has given an unfair picture.

Very good advice

Guys taking all these down in my journal

Thanks again xxxx

@wewereliars

Dont be rushed, try to stick to the facts rather than opinon, and if the barrister is bullying you you can say so. " I am finding your tone bullying" That's not a good look for a prosecition barrister.

For this offence, his barrister may be quite junior and trying to make a name for themselves. He is not bothered about you one way or another. He is playing a part.

If you can't remember or are not sure, say so. Nothing wrong with that at all. Dont guess, that's the worst thing to do.

The barrster for him will be trying to attack your credibility to get him off, its not personal. Remember that! The less he has to work with the more arsey his barrister may be. Good luck OP X

Very useful

I once fled and told him a refuge Had taken me in when I was in fact in a hotel waiting for the refuge space

He is using this now as an example of how badly I treated him

Loser !!!

I know I should have not lied. But he was trying to find me and I was not giving in like i previously did

@ChateauMargaux

Affirmations.. say them out loud if you need to.

I was abused by this man.

I will not let your tactics derail me.

I have come to court today to tell the truth.

That is not the truth. What I have said is the truth.

I was afraid of him. I was unable to leave but that does not mean I was not abused.

Love this Thank you

@Pebbledashery

Sorry you went through all this

Hideous
Awful !!!!

People say I shouldn't have stayed and should have run off after he first hit me

It is so hard xxxx

Sorry to everyone else been through similar

@FindMeInTheSunshine
Great point

I tend to rush my answers and get flabbergasted and lose track off my thinking

I need to slow down and stop in the court room
Reflect on each question

But I only have the truth to tell

He has lied to many agencies

He lied to police

He has a few different versions of what I am supposed to have done

How will he keep the lies up?

Hi so sorry you are going through this.

I’ve done it (twice as he was allowed to appeal after being convicted the first time!) and it is not a pleasant experience although he was convicted and his appeal dismissed.

He will most likely be represented by a woman (makes him look better) and her sole purpose is to get to you! You just need to keep calm, and when she tries to say you made things up etc just keep repeating yourself - what I said happened actually happened, what I said in my statement happened, I didn’t lie etc.

Try not to give them additional information as they will then do their best to twist it.

As someone else said, remember the judges have seen all this before.

Sending you love, strength and clarity.

Will it be via video link rather than in person?
Could you ask your legal representative about that?

@GremlinDolphin4

Hi so sorry you are going through this.

I’ve done it (twice as he was allowed to appeal after being convicted the first time!) and it is not a pleasant experience although he was convicted and his appeal dismissed.

He will most likely be represented by a woman (makes him look better) and her sole purpose is to get to you! You just need to keep calm, and when she tries to say you made things up etc just keep repeating yourself - what I said happened actually happened, what I said in my statement happened, I didn’t lie etc.

Try not to give them additional information as they will then do their best to twist it.

As someone else said, remember the judges have seen all this before.

Sending you love, strength and clarity.

My goodness

Poor you

And he tried to appeal??

Awful

This is very helpful

I have nothing to hide
When they quiz me about calling him some names in the very end I can explain I was trying to stand up for myself

@Eviebeans

Will it be via video link rather than in person? Could you ask your legal representative about that?

Sadly I don't think I can xx

Also do I sit and wait to be called or turn up on one of the 5 days??

Hey. I've given evidence in court (family court not criminal). My barrister just said tell the truth. The courts know people struggle to recall stuff and give evidence, but if you tell the truth that goes a long way. I was x examined for about 90 min (with a break in the middle). I was scared but once it started I was fine. Have faith in yourself. That's all you need to do.

@Justmeandme19

Hey. I've given evidence in court (family court not criminal). My barrister just said tell the truth. The courts know people struggle to recall stuff and give evidence, but if you tell the truth that goes a long way. I was x examined for about 90 min (with a break in the middle). I was scared but once it started I was fine. Have faith in yourself. That's all you need to do.

Thank you so so much

Hope your experience was ok and you got the outcome you hoped for

It can be so very scary guys xxxxxx