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Original poster

What would you expect a man to say to this question?

297 replies

Goldsnow · 07/08/2021 21:25

He had his computer desk top messages open in view and a message was there from his ex asking if he wants her to give him a massage. He reply was 'sounds nice'.
Would you think he was still interested in her? Or just a nice brush off? What would you expect a man to say to this if he wasn't interested and didn't want to lead her on? Would his response be the same as this mans?

OP posts:
category12 · 08/08/2021 19:59

Avoiding the question would not involve an affirmation that it would be nice, it would involve changing the subject or not replying.

She could certainly and fairly say he's giving her mixed messages if that's his version of a no. She could easily follow up "sounds nice" with "OK, I'll be over in five".

AsymQuestion · 08/08/2021 20:02

If he is a genuinely nice guy and wasn't interested and didn't want to hurt her feelings then all he would need to say is 'I don't think that would be a good idea/fair on you/me now we aren't together'. That's not being hurtful or unkind, just honest.

Surely most people with a dating history have needed to say that/similar at least once. being nice doesn't make it impossible to be honest when asked a question.

So yeah at this point she is probably still an option and is still using pet names - even a bozo would recognise that he is engaging in intimacy by using pet names and unless he's thick, he realises that and carries on. And he likely said a massage sounds nice because, it does to him.

You probably know too much now for this to go anywhere good for you mentally whilst dating, you'll drive yourself mad

excelledyourself · 08/08/2021 20:03

OP, if someone asked you "do you want to go to the cinema on Friday?" and you replied with "sounds nice", what do you think the other person would take from that?

category12 · 08/08/2021 20:05

And realistically, OP, if you had an ex-boyfriend and he messaged you something like "I'd love to give you a massage like old times", if you weren't interested in a booty call or more with him again, would you reply "sounds nice"?

AsymQuestion · 08/08/2021 20:12

[quote Goldsnow]@girlmom21 thing is, that is just not him. That would come across as rude or could upset. I think this is where people are confusing this with me defending him. I'm purely trying to explain his character i.e. he would never want to upset/embarrass anyone.[/quote]
I get what you're saying about what you have observed about his communication style, but is that a character trait you want in a man?!

Imagine down the line if you were together and his ex or a stranger starts showing interest in him and he still can't tell a woman no because he doesn't want to upset them so he sends them positive messages of interest. Imagine finding those kinds of messages again? Would you still be able to convince yourself it is just out of 'being nice'?

I can't think of anything worse.

CambsAlways · 08/08/2021 20:12

How ever you try to dress this up op sounds nice is not letting her down, it’s showing his ex he’s still interested! Can you not see that! He’s keeping his options open, you have only been on one date with this guy, he answering her using pet names, defo red flags to me

sudpralad · 08/08/2021 20:21

Red flags? She was the one reading his private messages.

Sorry OP but I would bin you for this.

CambsAlways · 08/08/2021 20:27

Yep she was sudpralad , not a good start all round,

Ginger1982 · 08/08/2021 20:30

Mate, come on. He was up for it.

girlmom21 · 08/08/2021 20:38

[quote Goldsnow]@girlmom21 thing is, that is just not him. That would come across as rude or could upset. I think this is where people are confusing this with me defending him. I'm purely trying to explain his character i.e. he would never want to upset/embarrass anyone.[/quote]
And you know all of this from one date?
You're a lot more trusting than I am...

And he's a lot more chilled than I am for nothing binning you straight away for reading his private messages to be fair

Bluntness100 · 08/08/2021 20:39

@sudpralad

Red flags? She was the one reading his private messages.

Sorry OP but I would bin you for this.

After one date too
Original poster
Goldsnow · 08/08/2021 20:41

If he was up for it, I would expect a response to be in the way of - I would love one/ yes/ that would be lovely/ let's arrange a date etc.

'Sounds nice' sounds a bit flippant/avoiding.

OP posts:
excelledyourself · 08/08/2021 20:42

I doubt he knows

Notanolympian · 08/08/2021 20:42

I try to be nice but how is leading her on nice? Unless he really wants the massage he must know he will have to reject it at some point and upset her ( as now led her on)
I think anyone can see he wants the massage and sex probably

MrsSkylerWhite · 08/08/2021 20:43

Just being nice?

Quite the opposite, I’d say.

category12 · 08/08/2021 20:43

Really, so if an ex of yours say "fancy a massage", you'd reply "sounds nice"? Hmm

You're really desperate to delude yourself.

RosieCockle · 08/08/2021 20:45

Deluded

Geppili · 08/08/2021 20:56

He is a waste of time.

SeaShoreGalore · 08/08/2021 21:06

Even in your version of events, he sounds a bit spineless.

Peach01 · 08/08/2021 21:12

Lets just say your theory is correct.
Do you really want to date someone who will lead other women on and entertain their advances because he's 'too nice' to say no? One who never really breaks it off with exes.
'Massage' means sex and he thinks it sounds nice. You've seen this for yourself in black and white. You'd have aswell been a fly on the wall when he wrote it. I don't know why it's such a grey area.

Ginger1982 · 08/08/2021 21:29

@Goldsnow

If he was up for it, I would expect a response to be in the way of - I would love one/ yes/ that would be lovely/ let's arrange a date etc.

'Sounds nice' sounds a bit flippant/avoiding.

You're just deliberately refusing to get this.
Original poster
Goldsnow · 08/08/2021 21:31

You're just deliberately refusing to get this

I'm really not - I'm simply trying to hear it from all sides/opinions.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 08/08/2021 21:33

I think op you know deep down that’s why you posted, you just don’t like it. 💐

Original poster
Goldsnow · 08/08/2021 21:49

Even if he wants to see her as the majority of posters have suggested - he is not cheating on me therefore I don't see any harm in going on further dates?

OP posts:
category12 · 08/08/2021 21:51

You can certainly start off with a really low set of expectations and see how well that works out for you.