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Original poster

What would you expect a man to say to this question?

297 replies

Goldsnow · 07/08/2021 21:25

He had his computer desk top messages open in view and a message was there from his ex asking if he wants her to give him a massage. He reply was 'sounds nice'.
Would you think he was still interested in her? Or just a nice brush off? What would you expect a man to say to this if he wasn't interested and didn't want to lead her on? Would his response be the same as this mans?

OP posts:
XDownwiththissortofthingX · 08/08/2021 00:43

She is definitely not a masseuse

Well in that case, I'd expect him to respond with something along the lines of -

'No thanks. You are not professionally qualified, and that could result in serious injury to either me, or yourself, and in the event I was unable to work because of your negligence I would pursue you for damages'

'P.S. If you actually mean a hand-job, just bloody well say so'.

HTH.

Daydrambeliever · 08/08/2021 00:43

He doesn't sound entirely single if he and his ex are exchanging messages like this. I would probably chalk this one up to experience and walk away.

Original poster
Goldsnow · 08/08/2021 01:08

We have been on one date! He is not cheating on me as he is single, he owes me nothing. I just can't figure out if he was just being polite to ex in order to not upset her. I mean what else could he say without coming across rude?

OP posts:
excelledyourself · 08/08/2021 01:16

He could say "no thanks" or "I don't think that would appropriate now". None of those would be rude. She asked him a direct question.

I wonder how the conversation continued. Because he was definitely leaving the ball in her court.

AllTheSingleLadiess · 08/08/2021 01:16

If I was your h I would have replied "You sent this to the wrong person lol"

Peach01 · 08/08/2021 01:23

Unless she's very brazen it doesn't sound one sided, especially from his response. That's not a typical message to send to someone unless you have an inkling as to how likely they are to entertain it.

There's numerous ways he could've responded without hurting her feelings or being rude towards her. I don't think it needs to be analysed too much. She sent him a flirty message, he responded positively. It's your call whether you want to hang around for it all.

XDownwiththissortofthingX · 08/08/2021 01:23

I can't figure out, why, if you have only been on one date, you are so invested in this to begin with. I mean, so what if he does still have a thing for his ex? As you say, he's single, he's not cheating, he owes you nothing, so why can't he leave his ex hanging as a potential future option if that's what he wants to do?

So you cut contact with him over this, fine, he calls ex, she comes over and delivers said hand job massage. So what?

You decide you want to date him again, it gets more serious, that's the point where I'd be expecting a less flirty relationship with exes, but until then?

Opentooffers · 08/08/2021 01:25

You can chose to believe he was being politeHmm and carry on dating him, but you'd be fooling yourself. It will only get harder to walk away after more dates and more messages.
The reality is he's still flirting with his ex, that is what everyone is seeing and that is what your gut is telling you, which is why you are asking on here.

MrsTerryPratchett · 08/08/2021 01:29

DH says he would message back this meme.

If you've been on one date, I know the correct zeitgeist is 'you aren't exclusive' but I think if you're really interested, you're really interested and not shagging all and sundry.

She's keeping him dangling, he's fallen for it.

GrimDamnFanjo · 08/08/2021 01:36

This is no good. Don't waste your time.

Anordinarymum · 08/08/2021 01:59

Ok. I'll play.

Who ended things between them and why.

You have had one date only and he must have told you something if you know about her.
Does the message detract from what you know already?

You should not have read it. If I were him I would bin you off for this.

It sounds like a non starter to me

Sampafie · 08/08/2021 04:28

You were where his laptop was and you saw he had a message and your first inkling was to read it? Would you read messages on your friends' laptop? Or a stranger's? Because thats what he is essentially. You sound..like this might be common to do. Id run if I were him

nameisnotimportant · 08/08/2021 04:41

He wouldn't reply and block her

Hydrate · 08/08/2021 05:35

@Goldsnow

We have been on one date! He is not cheating on me as he is single, he owes me nothing. I just can't figure out if he was just being polite to ex in order to not upset her. I mean what else could he say without coming across rude?
If someone (an ex) asked me if I wanted a massage, I'd say I had to go and close the chat. (I wouldn't be chatting with an ex anyways.) He may still like her I think. Guess time will tell.
sloutside · 08/08/2021 06:00

Apologies I should have mentioned first that this man is single. We have been on one date and I noticed the messages today. He is a nice guy so maybe he didn't want to hurt her feelings?

One date in and you're coming up with a reason/excuse for something which is inappropriate. "didn't want to hurt her feelings"... bollocks.
Bin and move on.

XDownwiththissortofthingX · 08/08/2021 06:21

How on earth is 'sounds nice' inappropriate when everyone involved is single?

Monday26July · 08/08/2021 06:32

@XDownwiththissortofthingX

I can't figure out, why, if you have only been on one date, you are so invested in this to begin with. I mean, so what if he does still have a thing for his ex? As you say, he's single, he's not cheating, he owes you nothing, so why can't he leave his ex hanging as a potential future option if that's what he wants to do?

So you cut contact with him over this, fine, he calls ex, she comes over and delivers said hand job massage. So what?

You decide you want to date him again, it gets more serious, that's the point where I'd be expecting a less flirty relationship with exes, but until then?

Yeah, this.

To answer your question though, it’s not a brush off.

Shoxfordian · 08/08/2021 06:33

Why were you looking at his laptop after one date? I wouldn’t think anything of it, maybe he is still into his ex but then maybe he will carry on dating you.

IsolaPribby · 08/08/2021 06:40

Perhaps she is not actually an ex, and he is not as single as he says?

Almondcroissant25 · 08/08/2021 07:40

I wouldn’t think this was a brush off. He didn’t turn it into a joke, which would be a polite way for a bloke to brush someone off. And he didn’t ignore it. And he didn’t change the topic. All reasonable ways to brush someone off. Just asked my OH, he said he sounds like he’s leaving his options open.

NoNotYou · 08/08/2021 07:41

Why is his ex still messaging him?

girlmom21 · 08/08/2021 07:45

She's not his ex.

XDownwiththissortofthingX · 08/08/2021 08:11

Why is his ex still messaging him?

It's not unheard of for people to stay in contact, or even on friendly and informal terms with exes. Even woman ones.

Noshowwithoutpunch · 08/08/2021 08:16

He's simply keeping his options open.
He wouldn't mind going back there if he can't find anyone else and doesn't get far with you over next couple of dates.

Original poster
Goldsnow · 08/08/2021 16:52

@XDownwiththissortofthingX I don't think his reply equates to him having a thing for her.

OP posts:
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