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Original poster

What would you expect a man to say to this question?

297 replies

Goldsnow · 07/08/2021 21:25

He had his computer desk top messages open in view and a message was there from his ex asking if he wants her to give him a massage. He reply was 'sounds nice'.
Would you think he was still interested in her? Or just a nice brush off? What would you expect a man to say to this if he wasn't interested and didn't want to lead her on? Would his response be the same as this mans?

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 08/08/2021 21:52

I don't see any harm either if you're happy to be one of many. Good luck.

Upsidedownpineapplecake · 08/08/2021 21:56

Have you like him for a long time? Are you seeing him as a long term thing?
I don’t think he is thinking them same way about you Yet

excelledyourself · 08/08/2021 22:02

Go for it then, OP. I'm just baffled as to why you posted in the first place.

Blackbird2020 · 08/08/2021 22:08

Why are you so unsure of yourself?

Ignore the message and go on more dates with him.

OR

Don’t go on more dates with him.

pommepommefrites · 08/08/2021 22:15

He'll have picked it up where he left it at in private and arranged to get massaged. By his ex. He still likes his ex. Him and ex are bootycalls. Heartache this way.

Original poster
Goldsnow · 08/08/2021 22:17

To answer a couple of questions - I don't know if it will be long term as it's early days. I posted to get an outside view of his response.

OP posts:
category12 · 08/08/2021 22:23

What's your relationship history like, OP?

Sakurami · 08/08/2021 22:25

As you've only been on one date it doesn't mean anything. Sounds nice isn't over enthusiastic but it is agreement. I think if he was still into her, and single, he would be a lot more enthusiastic and suggested a time.

I think ignore it. Keep on dating and see where it goes. After all, if he wanted to be with her, he would be, right?

Original poster
Goldsnow · 08/08/2021 23:23

@category12 do you care to expand?

OP posts:
Original poster
Goldsnow · 08/08/2021 23:24

I think if he was still into her, and single, he would be a lot more enthusiastic and suggested a time

This was my first thought.

OP posts:
Peach01 · 08/08/2021 23:50

Of course he's not cheating on you. You've only been on one date. You've already read his messages to his ex, analysing them, making excuses for him and now convinced he's humouring her. You must be quite invested in this man.

She is his ex who he's in touch with and fliring with. She's the one he has history with, both of them aren't letting go.

Yes he could've given more of an enthusiastic response to her question but there was no need. She sent a flirty message that didn't take much imagination to write, his agreeing response mirrored it. She's not exactly laid all her cards on the table and he's trying to let her down gently. From that interaction you've divulged, they seem like they're on the same page.

Original poster
Goldsnow · 09/08/2021 00:13

Yes he could've given more of an enthusiastic response to her question but there was no need. She sent a flirty message that didn't take much imagination to write, his agreeing response mirrored it. She's not exactly laid all her cards on the table and he's trying to let her down gently

This is what I took from it but I could be wrong.

OP posts:
Original poster
Goldsnow · 09/08/2021 00:15

@Peach01 can I ask why you think there was no need to be more enthusiastic with his response?

OP posts:
TheSkatesOfCoachBombay · 09/08/2021 00:22

I mean carry on dating him if you want and having fun, just like he did with "the ex".

Man's a fuckboy and is just sowing his oats. He's keeping you both by breadcrumbing you both.

Mr fun not Mr marry. Just don't get emotionally invested in this man he will not reciprocate it.

AUser · 09/08/2021 07:29

I once had an ex that would not let it go. This could send smiler as I like to thing of myself as a good guy who would not upset anyone.

However whenever she contacted my replies would be of the type: that would not be appropriate; No; or; Are you forgetting we broke up. And eventually; oh just f**k off.

She was the reason al least two other relationships failed.

Back to your query. It may be him trying to be nice, but some people just need telling straight. If you want a second date nothing said here will chang that, but be aware his ex probably still be contacting him when he realises you overstepped the mark reading his messages even if you did not go searching for them.

category12 · 09/08/2021 07:59

Expand? I'm just interested in what's behind your determination to ignore the obvious here, so wondered what sort of relationships you've been in previously.

Also, I'd like to repeat - if an ex of yours contacted you, who you were no longer interested in, offering a massage, would you reply "sounds nice"?

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 09/08/2021 08:01

That's not a brush off. How daft would someone need to be to think that's a brush off?

What I would expect my partner to say is that it's inappropriate and to end the conversation.

FreeBritnee · 09/08/2021 08:03

Well he’s left that door open for no strings sex hasn’t he.

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 09/08/2021 08:04

Posted too soon.
What I would expect a single bloke I'd been on one date with to say would be whatever he wanted. He owes me nothing. If he's interested in the massage or more that's up to him. I just wouldn't accept a second date

Freddy12 · 09/08/2021 08:11

He is saying he is up for it, encouraging a “when are you free “ reply

TheWholeJingbang · 09/08/2021 08:12

My husband would not have replied even if single

He works have ignored it

Lovelybottom · 09/08/2021 08:20

Well I'm trying to imagine how I'd feel if I'd sent that message to a man and I liked (and was obviously sexually interested in) and I got that response. I would see it as an amber light.

He didn't try to arrange anything but he didn't ignore. He's keeping it as a possibility but not pushed enough to plan a date. It would be up fo her to bring it up again. I'd take it as apathetic interest. He would definitely sleep with her again imo.

He's been on a date with you so you're 'winning' if that's the track you want to go down in your head. Really I'd say most single people have something going on while they're looking around.

It's a shame you snooped. If it was me I would not be able to get it out of my head.

Lovelybottom · 09/08/2021 08:24

I also don't know how you think it's a brush off. Assuming he's heterosexual do you think if a gay man in the office sent him that message he would have replied 'sounds nice'?

thepeopleversuswork · 09/08/2021 08:50

@Goldsnow

I'm not trying to minimise it. I just want to her other peoples honest opinion as he is a friendly guy and he would never want to come across as rude or upset anyone.
OP you seem in denial about this and trying every contortion to get people to give you a loophole to carry on seeing him. He’s technically single yes.

By all means carry on seeing him if you want to - none of us can stop you. But don’t kid yourself he’s keen on anything more than a shag.

Bottom line is he is keeping his options open with other women and is not sufficiently into you to knock this on the head. This is not a great place to be in at the start of a relationship.

Shutupyoutart · 09/08/2021 08:52

Op if you really thought it was all innocent then why post? Come on you know it's not right,yes technically he's single and done nothing wrong, but do you want to start something with someone who's still so involved with his ex? Pet names? That doesn't sound like it's truly over to me does it you?