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Original poster

What would you expect a man to say to this question?

297 replies

Goldsnow · 07/08/2021 21:25

He had his computer desk top messages open in view and a message was there from his ex asking if he wants her to give him a massage. He reply was 'sounds nice'.
Would you think he was still interested in her? Or just a nice brush off? What would you expect a man to say to this if he wasn't interested and didn't want to lead her on? Would his response be the same as this mans?

OP posts:
WhatMattersMost · 11/08/2021 09:46

[quote Goldsnow]@WhatMattersMost I don't think you are actually aware of what you're talking about yourself to be quite honest.[/quote]
As a psychotherapist, I believe I am. You say you're not bothered, so why are you posting, and why are you defending against an overwhelming majority of people who are telling you to walk way? Please don't bother answering.

WhatMattersMost · 11/08/2021 09:46

*away

Original poster
Goldsnow · 11/08/2021 09:53

@WhatMattersMost do you mean psychopath? What is the harm on going on another date with him? As I said, he has no loyalties to me at this present moment. And his ex is just that - his ex.

OP posts:
WhatMattersMost · 11/08/2021 10:28

Then. Why. Are. You. Posting?

Original poster
Goldsnow · 11/08/2021 10:31

@WhatMattersMost to get others opinions on the meaning of his response to the massage. Have you not read the thread? Clearly not Confused

OP posts:
WhatMattersMost · 11/08/2021 10:32

Here is the meaning: he is either terrible at saying "no", or he's interested in his ex. Either way, his boundaries are poor, and your boundaries are in question if you choose to go on a second date with him.

XDownwiththissortofthingX · 11/08/2021 11:00

How has this reached 11+ pages?

Baffling Confused

Peach01 · 11/08/2021 11:24

The meaning is he said the massage sounds nice. If you need it to be elaborated, ask him. For such a small interaction, it's went through a huge analysis.

If he's not cheating on you, you aren't even together and his ex is just his ex then what relevance does it have. It either bothers you or it doesn't. If it does, don't see him again. If it doesn't, go on more dates.

Original poster
Goldsnow · 11/08/2021 12:59

He doesn't know I've seen the messages so I can't ask him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Goldsnow · 11/08/2021 13:01

@WhatMattersMost why do you think I should not go on a second date with him? I don't think anyone has answered this.

OP posts:
Chikapu · 11/08/2021 13:05

Is that the sound of many posters banging their heads against a wall?

WhatMattersMost · 11/08/2021 13:12

[quote Goldsnow]@WhatMattersMost why do you think I should not go on a second date with him? I don't think anyone has answered this.[/quote]
I have. It's all about boundaries. It will be a recipe for disaster. Your inability to hear and take in everything that people are saying underlines this.

What was your family like growing up? What have your past relationships been like? My guess is that it's not been plain sailing for you, and I'm sorry that you're so up against things that you're unable to move here.

category12 · 11/08/2021 13:16

I reckon the numbers of "is this thread still going" posts probably outstrips the number of "could be a polite rebuff" s now Grin

I'm chuffed at my part in keeping a thread about two words going this long. 😂

I think it's fine to go for a second date with him if you want, but don't cast him as "so nice he can't say no" guy - he's defo "enjoying the attention open to something" guy.

StopCryingYourHeartOut · 11/08/2021 13:29

Why would you even bother with a guy after this if youve only been on one date?
Just bin him off, couldn't be arsed with exes still being on the scene.

Notapheasantplucker · 11/08/2021 13:46

Chikapu

Is that the sound of many posters banging their heads against a wall?

Yes, yes it is.

Original poster
Goldsnow · 11/08/2021 17:48

I reckon the numbers of "is this thread still going" posts probably outstrips the number of "could be a polite rebuff" s now 😂

OK all, I've come to the conclusion that he is not just trying to be nice! However, @WhatMattersMost can you elaborate as to why you feel it will be recipe for disaster? I can assure you all I am taking in all your advice. I feel However no boundaries have been crossed as he is single and I didn't set out to find these messages.

OP posts:
Original poster
Goldsnow · 11/08/2021 17:50

@WhatMattersMost whats to say he has no more communications with his ex after we've been on more dates?

OP posts:
WhatMattersMost · 11/08/2021 17:59

@Goldsnow

I reckon the numbers of "is this thread still going" posts probably outstrips the number of "could be a polite rebuff" s now 😂

OK all, I've come to the conclusion that he is not just trying to be nice! However, @WhatMattersMost can you elaborate as to why you feel it will be recipe for disaster? I can assure you all I am taking in all your advice. I feel However no boundaries have been crossed as he is single and I didn't set out to find these messages.

I'm going to be frank here, Goldsnow. My reason for thinking it'll be a recipe for disaster is less to do with his behaviour and/or who he is (though I've been around the block a few times and I wouldn't be touching him with a bargepole) - and more to do with what I sense is coming from you on this thread, i.e.

You seem unable to understand what so many posters are saying; and you are fixated on him rather than on what's going on with you, and why. Both of these suggest that you're not able to take a step back and reflect on things, which in turn suggests that you're dealing with something you're not aware of but which we can see. This is very common; we all do it and we all have our blind spots. But we have to learn to see them for ourselves.

And I'll repeat my earlier questions: what was your family life like growing up? And what has your experience of relationships been prior to this man?

Original poster
Goldsnow · 11/08/2021 18:07

@WhatMattersMost haha I am fine but thank you for your concern. The majority of posters have suggested he is still interested in her - fair enough he is single. However I can't see the harm on going in another date.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 11/08/2021 18:42

[quote Goldsnow]@WhatMattersMost haha I am fine but thank you for your concern. The majority of posters have suggested he is still interested in her - fair enough he is single. However I can't see the harm on going in another date.[/quote]
Can I ask, as a genuine question, why you're interested in a second date with someone who's blatantly still talking to his ex?

Why would you waste your own time like that?

I'd be interested to know what she thinks their current relationship status is.

beastlyslumber · 11/08/2021 19:20

Wow.

CambsAlways · 11/08/2021 19:21

271 bloody messages 🤣🤣😭 this has got to be a record surely!

Peach01 · 11/08/2021 19:25

[quote Goldsnow]@WhatMattersMost whats to say he has no more communications with his ex after we've been on more dates?[/quote]
What's to say he won't meet someone else next week and fall madly in love, or decide he's made a huge mistake by not pursing his ex further and ditch you, or he could decide you're the one and end all contact with everyone. There's no point in pondering over these things.

You keep saying basically that he has no loyalties to you, so why not go on another date. If you truly believe that then him messaging his ex a non issue. Go on as many dates as you like knowing he flirts with other women.

Personally I wouldn't be hanging around for someone who has unfinished business with an ex. That's baggage I wouldn't be willing to take on, if I found out after one date I'd be glad to know early. It seems you're hoping more dates with you will mean he'll end contact with other women. He has an established relationship with the ex that us still continuing to some degree. Don't hold out hope that will change any time soon.

Why did you want to read these messages in the first place? Nosey? Untrustworthy? Curious if you're the only one?

category12 · 11/08/2021 20:01

Go on as many dates as you like knowing he flirts with other women.
I think it's a bit unrealistic to expect a brand new dating interest to have a completely clear, sanitised field?

If you're online dating, for example, it's actually normal to be chatting to a number of people at the same time, and it's usually only after a couple of dates you focus in on a particular person.

It's not like the conversation OP saw was declaring undying love or anything heavy - it was light and flirty.

I wouldn't invest heavily in the guy at this stage, but I don't think it's game over necessarily.

Keepitonthedownlow · 11/08/2021 21:16

Just wondering why so many people are outraged
. Over on the dating thread we talk about having as many 'irons in the fire' as we wish, until such a time as we feel a relationship is on the cards. A slight overlap in things is quite common, but once an agreement for exclusiveness is made, that is when flirting with an ex wouldn't be acceptable.

@Goldsnow I think you should proceed, tentatively and with your eyes open, if you wish.

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