Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What would you expect a man to say to this question?

297 replies

Goldsnow · 07/08/2021 21:25

He had his computer desk top messages open in view and a message was there from his ex asking if he wants her to give him a massage. He reply was 'sounds nice'.
Would you think he was still interested in her? Or just a nice brush off? What would you expect a man to say to this if he wasn't interested and didn't want to lead her on? Would his response be the same as this mans?

OP posts:
Original poster
Goldsnow · 09/08/2021 12:02

To repeat I DO NOT know if it was innocent or not or if he still wants to see her - This is why I posted - TO GET THE OPINIONS OF OTHERS.

As I said, he didn't exactly suggest a day/time, he wasn't enthusiastic about it.

OP posts:
Fromablokespoint · 09/08/2021 12:14

One date? Some of the responses are ludicrous! Maybe he has a FWB relationship with his ex, maybe they still flirt. He is not invested in you yet, and at this stage he really shouldn't be.

He is a single guy who is doing absolutely nothing wrong. It doesn't give any indication what he will be like in a committed relationship.

If you like him, see him again, if it progresses than have the exclusive chat.

AND do not pry on his personal messages!!!

Bluntness100 · 09/08/2021 13:00

As I said, he didn't exactly suggest a day/time, he wasn't enthusiastic about it

So now you’ve moved from he was letting her down gently to now he wasn’t showing enthusiasm? You don’t know how they talk to one another.

I would also say I agree with the pp. one date in and you’re reading his personal messages and trying to figure out if he’s seeing anyone else. Ask him. He’s not committed to you.

What you’ve done is all shades of wrong.

Gufo · 09/08/2021 13:02

It wasn't him being polite. It wasn't a brush off. He wants a massage from her. Sounds like they are still interested in each other.

Original poster
Goldsnow · 09/08/2021 14:49

Her response was 'you avoided the question' and something about her trying to work him out. He then replied with a tongue and cheek response.

OP posts:
Lovelybottom · 09/08/2021 18:14

Well it's plain as day she is the one doing the chasing and he is semi interested, enough for a snag anyway.

He could well have every intention of seeing how it goes with you too.

category12 · 09/08/2021 18:17

@Goldsnow

Her response was 'you avoided the question' and something about her trying to work him out. He then replied with a tongue and cheek response.
Ugh, why didn't you include this part of messaging from the start?

Or are you continuing to read his messages?

Anotherdaymaybe · 09/08/2021 18:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Umberellatheweatha · 09/08/2021 18:22

I'd assume they were still dating.

Umberellatheweatha · 09/08/2021 18:23

@Goldsnow

Her response was 'you avoided the question' and something about her trying to work him out. He then replied with a tongue and cheek response.
So basically he is an irritating fuckwit who strings women along. Run.
Notapheasantplucker · 09/08/2021 18:23

Ffs

Original poster
Goldsnow · 09/08/2021 18:26

Ugh, why didn't you include this part of messaging from the start

Do you think this changes the meaning of his response to the massage offer?

OP posts:
category12 · 09/08/2021 18:28

@Goldsnow

Ugh, why didn't you include this part of messaging from the start

Do you think this changes the meaning of his response to the massage offer?

It changes things, in that I finally understand why you haven't been taking it as a positive response - because she didn't.

But it's still not a rebuff - he's toying with her.

Original poster
Goldsnow · 09/08/2021 18:32

@category12 I reworded the last message slightly as I think I've but a lot of information already and do not want to be outed. But her response to 'it sounds nice' was a tounge and cheek about him sending mixed messages.

OP posts:
Original poster
Goldsnow · 09/08/2021 18:33

Do you think he is leading her on?

OP posts:
category12 · 09/08/2021 18:36

@Goldsnow

Do you think he is leading her on?
Totally, yes.

He's enjoying her chasing him.

He's certainly not doing the nice guy letting her down gently that you're trying to view it as.

Original poster
Goldsnow · 09/08/2021 18:37

I agree but why toy with her if he's not interested and why use pet names.
Hope this explains why I posted in the first place.

OP posts:
Original poster
Goldsnow · 09/08/2021 18:38

He's certainly not doing the nice guy letting her down gently that you're trying to view it as I see this now.

OP posts:
category12 · 09/08/2021 18:42

@Goldsnow

I agree but why toy with her if he's not interested and why use pet names. Hope this explains why I posted in the first place.
Because he is interested, or probably up for a booty call with her at least. When I said toying with her, I didn't mean he's not interested in shagging her or even getting back with her.

It does explain it to me, because I was baffled and thought you were really weird Grin. Apologies.

Original poster
Goldsnow · 09/08/2021 19:09

Because he is interested, or probably up for a booty call with her at least. When I said toying with her, I didn't mean he's not interested in shagging her or even getting back with her

Men are so confusing. I'm back where I started. I don't understand his logic.

OP posts:
Blackbird2020 · 09/08/2021 19:24

OP, I really don’t think it’s a great idea to try to read into a few lines of an email between 2 people, one of whom you’ve never met, the other you are only just starting to know.

You are spending way to much time over-analysing this message. Just get to know him a bit better if you like him, and then use your own judgement.

Men are not confusing. You are confused because you know almost nothing about these two people, and are therefore struggling to make heads or tails from this short exchange.

Notanolympian · 09/08/2021 19:37

I think it’s pretty clear what’s going on and I wouldn’t bother going on a second date with this ex and weird situation going on.

Original poster
Goldsnow · 09/08/2021 19:46

@Notanolympian can you tell me what you think is going on? I'm trying to hear it from all sides.

OP posts:
Peach01 · 09/08/2021 19:53

Do you think he is leading her on?
Absolutely.

I agree but why toy with her if he's not interested and why use pet names.
Hope this explains why I posted in the first place.
He's interested even if it's just a little. He's enjoying the ego boost and doesn't want her to move on from him.
When is your next date?

beastlyslumber · 09/08/2021 20:25

It sounds like he's flirting with this woman but it's absolutely none of your business. You've been on one date but you're trawling through his private messages. That's an invasion of privacy and you had no right.

The only honourable thing you can do is leave this person alone. Why should he deserve to be with someone who looks through his laptop while he's out of the room? He might be a dick, but you are definitely behaving like one.

Swipe left for the next trending thread