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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dating thread 209: Summer of Love 2021

999 replies

BelladiMamma · 06/08/2021 08:33

I've put a screenshot of the RULES here

Dear newbies and oldies they're excellent words of wisdom and deserve to be read frequently

Here's to all of us navigating the sea of twats, the tsunami of penpals and the ever receding tide of ghosters

Let's kick them into touch and have a summer of love ❤️

Dating thread 209: Summer of Love 2021
OP posts:
Thread gallery
16
FireandBrimstone · 06/08/2021 22:17

Ughh @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards. Sorry this happened, but I agree you have done the right thing in applying a hard stop now.

Catcorn · 06/08/2021 22:22

I’m new to OLD, but reading this thread it looks like I’m doing it wrong. Made a connection with one guy, we are texting so I haven’t been looking for anyone else as I was going to see how this pans out. I don’t feel like messaging multiple people but I guess it makes sense (and I suppose he probably is).

Dee03 · 06/08/2021 22:23

Well mr Train just msged "come over" after not much talk today as I just can't be arsed with him.
So I've sent a reply saying I think we want different things blah blah...funnily enough he's not read it yet but I'm done with him.....
Having a good old chat with Mr Forklift today, we've moved to WhatsApp...so let's see where this takes me

Wherediditallgowrong75 · 06/08/2021 22:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Walkingalot · 06/08/2021 22:43

Wheredidit - that's bang out of order and also very worrying. She's spending time with these guys - what else are they being uncaring about? Are there any adults where she is that would help?

Dancerinthemoonlight · 06/08/2021 22:52

@naimee87 huge congratulations to you

Iamclearlyamug · 06/08/2021 22:52

@Naimee87 congrats that’s so awesome 😎

Dancerinthemoonlight · 06/08/2021 22:56

Full update. The first place we went was really loud and cramped so we could barley hear each other speak so we moved venues. Quickly run out of things to talk about and played some name 3 things game.
He doesn't like animals or dogs and has never had a relationship beyond a 3 month thing when he was 16 where they only met up once. Since then he has done no labels and no strings things.
He kept saying if you don't mind me asking to personal questions to which I responded to it's private - like how much did I pay for my car, why did my ex and I break up etc.
I'm hoping he doesn't want another date but I will send then nice to meet you, no chemistry and good luck text

Walkingalot · 06/08/2021 23:00

Dancer - He sounds like a right odd-ball. I couldn't date anyone who doesn't like animals!

Original poster
BelladiMamma · 06/08/2021 23:00

@Dancerinthemoonlight

Full update. The first place we went was really loud and cramped so we could barley hear each other speak so we moved venues. Quickly run out of things to talk about and played some name 3 things game. He doesn't like animals or dogs and has never had a relationship beyond a 3 month thing when he was 16 where they only met up once. Since then he has done no labels and no strings things. He kept saying if you don't mind me asking to personal questions to which I responded to it's private - like how much did I pay for my car, why did my ex and I break up etc. I'm hoping he doesn't want another date but I will send then nice to meet you, no chemistry and good luck text
Oh god I'm so sorry.

You and @WeWantTheFinestWines really don't need to even explain yourselves to these guys.

Biiiiii 👋🏻

OP posts:
Shuffleuplove · 06/08/2021 23:08

One of my irons has updated his app profile. We have a date zero set. Does it mean he’s not that into me and is looking around?

Dancerinthemoonlight · 06/08/2021 23:10

@walkingalot when he said he didn't like dogs and isn't really an animal person I immediately went nope internally.

I have some other chats on the go so hopefully a few will turn into dates

Original poster
BelladiMamma · 06/08/2021 23:15

@Shuffleuplove

One of my irons has updated his app profile. We have a date zero set. Does it mean he’s not that into me and is looking around?
Not at all. He may just want to be sure that what's in the profile is truthful. When I don't have mine hidden I'm always tweaking it!
OP posts:
Shuffleuplove · 06/08/2021 23:17

Oh ok. I was a bit Hmm

Languidleopard · 06/08/2021 23:19

@WeWantTheFinestWines

I despair. Had date zero, he was wonderfully tall, very interesting with many different things and jobs and projects and interests - art, design, writing, cooking, DIY, gardening. Physically not a problem but he never stopped talking about himself and all his things and jobs and projects and interests. I've come away knowing more about his mum's doctor than he knows about me. And it's not like I didn't give him material! I mentioned my kids - he could have asked about them. I was born somewhere very unusual, grew up in another country + lived in an exciting global city as a teen. I mentioned those things when he asked me about travelling. Not one follow up question, just stuff about his own travels. He doesn't even know my name! I only have initials in my profile. After a while I thought I'd see what would happen if I stopped engaging and just sat there looking at him. I don't even think he noticed. He may have been nervous or trying to impress, but at his age (mid 50s like me), if you can't talk to girls yet, you will never learn. Argh!

I pretended I had an errand in town so walked the opposite way to where I live and where I think he also lives - and 10 mins later was headed for the lights to cross a busy road and he was there! So instead I crossed the road further up, dodging traffic. I hope he didn't look in that direction cos he would have seen me risking my life to avoid him!

@WeWantTheFinestWines It's really disappointing when people behave like this. Is it nerves, just forgetting how to interact with other humans because of Covid or just bring unpleasantly self absorbed? Whatever the reason, it's just deeply unattractive.

He already knows everything about himself, what a wasted opportunity for him to find out something about a new and interesting person - you!

Languidleopard · 06/08/2021 23:33

@Naimee87 huge congratulations Grin Enjoy your champagne!!!

Original poster
BelladiMamma · 06/08/2021 23:36

@Shuffleuplove

Oh ok. I was a bit Hmm
He may be talking to others though. That's normal ahead of a date zero I think
OP posts:
Original poster
BelladiMamma · 06/08/2021 23:37

@Naimee87 this is bloody great news!!! Yay 😁

OP posts:
Languidleopard · 06/08/2021 23:40

@Dancerinthemoonlight

Full update. The first place we went was really loud and cramped so we could barley hear each other speak so we moved venues. Quickly run out of things to talk about and played some name 3 things game. He doesn't like animals or dogs and has never had a relationship beyond a 3 month thing when he was 16 where they only met up once. Since then he has done no labels and no strings things. He kept saying if you don't mind me asking to personal questions to which I responded to it's private - like how much did I pay for my car, why did my ex and I break up etc. I'm hoping he doesn't want another date but I will send then nice to meet you, no chemistry and good luck text
When you have to resort to the name 3 things game, you know all hope is lost and it's time to start looking for an escape route.

Sorry you had such a grim time. Agree with others that not liking animals is a bad sign. And what's with the personal questions? He doesn't need to establish why your last relationship ended the first time he meets you Hmm

Languidleopard · 06/08/2021 23:44

@Dee03

Well mr Train just msged "come over" after not much talk today as I just can't be arsed with him. So I've sent a reply saying I think we want different things blah blah...funnily enough he's not read it yet but I'm done with him..... Having a good old chat with Mr Forklift today, we've moved to WhatsApp...so let's see where this takes me
@Dee03 He's basically confirming what you already suspected about him. I think you have used up enough on your bandwidth on this one. It's sounding positive with Mr Forklift though 😁
Languidleopard · 06/08/2021 23:54

@Shuffleuplove

Oh ok. I was a bit Hmm
@Shuffleuplove I think he most probably is chatting to others if you haven't met yet, but it doesn't mean he's not interested.

I'm aiming to have a couple of convos on the go at any one time. So far I've had about 6 convos and generated 2 date zeroes. Date 1 was cancelled by my iron and there was no romantic potential for date 2 😐 So he's probably sensibly not putting his eggs in one basket.

ActonSquirrel · 07/08/2021 00:03

@Dancerinthemoonlight that sounds rubbish.

I'd not be bothered about the animals thing. I don't like domestic pets tbh I'm not interested. I love seeing animals in the wild though. Been on safaris, etc.

The big thing for me would be the lack of any real relationships.

He sounded utterly inappropriate with the questions he asked.

SpringlikeBunk · 07/08/2021 00:22

Sorry about the bad date zeros @WeWantTheFinestWines and @Dancerinthemoonlight

I’m genuinely thinking of getting the video call date zero in now to weed out bad conversationalists - there’s just something depressing about sitting there thinking “when can I make an excuse to go” .

Maybe have a line in my profile?

In the past I’ve been a bit worried that comes across as too high maintenance.

But now I’m thinking that if the other party is serious about making time to connect with someone they shouldn’t be put off by it?

OnwardsEverStridingOnwards · 07/08/2021 00:23

Thank you @FireandBrimstone and @SpringlikeBunk. I do hate when they bring things up like that when we've clearly made a connection. They know it's going to change things. I'm hardly going to pat him on the back and say 'ooh that's fantastic!' (!)

It felt like he was brushing things aside a bit when he said 'if it helps the process is nearly finished.' Like that was going to make things better. Hmm

Anyway, I'm feeling much better about it. I just told him that I wanted a normal relationship without all the worry and stress and things being frankly hellish sounding with his ex, and he seemed to accept it.

God, I feel as if I've been on a OLD rollercoaster this week! 😂❤️

Shayelle2009 · 07/08/2021 07:29

That’s a shame @Dancerinthemoonlight but at least youre getting out there, you just never know until you try do you, it could have been good.

@BelladiMamma hope youre feeling better today 🙂

@Isitreallyme177 have you heard back from Cricket yet?

@SortingItOut hope youre ok, are you meeting Mr K’s mum today?

@Slothmomma how’s it going with Mr Hair?

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards you are so resilient!! 💛💛