Dating thread 209: Summer of Love 2021

[BelladiMamma]

I've put a screenshot of the RULES here

Dear newbies and oldies they're excellent words of wisdom and deserve to be read frequently

Here's to all of us navigating the sea of twats, the tsunami of penpals and the ever receding tide of ghosters

Let's kick them into touch and have a summer of love ❤️

DateZero today with MrSocialConscience. Except turns out he doesn’t have a social conscience, his current job is a coincidence. He was cute but I suspect hung over. And a bit scruffy. And called me “cuddly.”

More irons in the fire - Mr. Curly is v my type physically but I have questions about his views on things.

@Isitreallyme177

Yeh some guys are just naturally quite smooth/charming

And maybe from some of the things he's said and done you think he's trustworthy and has got a "special connection" with you so you're surprised he's not sharing everything?

Not being a "job-racist" but EVERY pilot or ex-pilot I've interacted with has those great soft social skills, by the way - I think "being a smoothie" is part of the job description.

I've dated one older pilot, and MrMilitary my ex-iron was also one.

And when they've got their "full attention" on you you think it's awesome and they secretly love you and it's all romantic hope. But then "in between" it's all BS.

At the end of the day you're not long term friends or anything like that.

@Shuffleuplove - so it's a no go with MrSC?

@SpringlikeBunk - Having accidentally watched 10mins of Airplane last night - just no, lol.

@Walkingalot

Hahahaahahha the pervert captain

@SpringlikeBunk I think that's the thing, he's charming and he showed an interest and remembered things I'd said previously, and he was so kind when my cat died but something changed recently. I'm taking it much better than I thought I would, jeez I thought I'd be upset but I'm more upset that he might have lied. 😂

@Isitreallyme177

I look great (modest too ) but emotionally have always struggled a bit with loneliness, trauma, feeling unloved and like I didn't quite fit in.

So when I meet Captain Charming Flyboy from Tinder and they remember things about me and ask how I am and send me lots of messages, and insist on paying for a taxi and walking me home I know I can be quite vulnerable to this dynamic and getting "too attached"?

But some people are just naturally good at being charming and getting others to feel they're special, even if it's not really how they feel?

“I love online dating!” said no-one, ever. So it’s quite easy to sympathise and nod in agreement when someone you’ve met from there says they don’t like it. I know I’ve done this.

@SpringlikeBunk you've just summed me up there too. I said to a friend a few months ago(I've known him 21 years) about not being good enough and unlovable and he told me to stop thinking like that. I poured my heart out to him that day, told him stuff I've not told anyone else. I actually said Mr Cricket was too good for me that day top.

I saw this and thought of us all...
vm.tiktok.com/ZMRRYFHvE/

@Isitreallyme177

Yeh I'm quite cool externally as an adult and my life is great, but I do think I'm still a bit vulnerable to feeling like I'm the "unpopular geeky kid who doesn't fit in".

So popular sociable extroverted charming types are my weakness!

(I joke MrMilitary was the guy I really wanted when I was 25!)

But at the end of the day it's down to who is interested in me and reliable and who let's me grow as a person myself, not needing someone else to do it for me or live through them.

@SpringlikeBunk - to be fair, I did laugh quite a bit. The bit where they were coming down with food poisoning and he'd got her up in stirrups. Sorry, I should not have laughed and I'm a disgrace to feminism.
@HairyArsedMan - stop being so honest, lol.

On another note - I've given up smoking for 6 weeks now! But, I'm vaping and it lasts forever. So I stay awake longer as I don't run out of fags.

Friday the 13th brought me two Zombies... one I'm sure I talked about on a thread but it was so long ago (about 18 months) and he said 'I still think if you' I couldn't help myself, I just replied 'that's nice' 🤣

The other I never met and was more a pen friend so we've chatted a bit but I'm not going to bother meeting even if he asks.

Loads of chats on the go.

Mr HT is still being a chatty mate - although he called me lovely today. I'm just keeping my distance.

In other news, Ms Jam and I talked and officially agreed that we are in a poly relationship of sorts. Which has just become that over the last year. Yet only recently physical again from well over a year ago. Neither of us want to use the girlfriend term tho as it's not adequate and seems odd. We'll stick to referring to each other as the wifey 😁

@Isitreallyme177 @SpringlikeBunk has a point that some people/professions are great at being charming etc. Mr Lawyer is charismatic and intelligent but I have to remember he's highly successful in what he does so no doubt I could be thinking there's a bigger click than there actually is and that he's simply going through the motions with me and others whilst cherry picking who he likes, hence I'm taking it lighter than I would normally.

To me it sounds like you build heavily on the friends aspect with someone and then gets hurt. He isn't your friend really, he's someone who you clicked with but it wasn't enough to be anything substantial for either of you. You wanted to stay friends despite that. You don't have time to waste on these sorts really.

@BelladiMamma I hope you're feeling better now ❤️

@WeWantTheFinestWines

One for all us lonely thwarted hearts out there! (ok five months too early but it's a good song)

Christmas moon, you got me in your sights tonight
You stopped me
And I don't know why you do what you do
Christmas moon
Christmas moon, you caught me in your lullaby
So softly
And I don't know why you get me, but you do
Christmas moon, oh

Are you here to steal my heart?
Are you here to pass the time?

Christmas moon,
He left me on my own tonight
He's so mean
And I don't know why I care but I do
Christmas moon, oh

Never forget you
The moonlight won't let you
Will watch over you all night
Christmas moon

Are you here to light my way?
Or just here to pass the time?
Christmas moon,
He left me
On my own tonight
He's so mean
And I don't know why I love him but I do
Christmas moon, oh

Never forget you
The moonlight won't let you
Will watch over you all night
Christmas moon

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4324045-Dating-thread-210-thwarted-hearts-fresh-starts

Oh I’ve learnt a lot , and this thread is awesome

Dolly Alderston did a very good article about the online dating , my friend PDF it for me

But the general gist is it’s totally normal to get caught up in the online conversations
But , your imagination and desire turns them into
Something they are not
So it’s a no go inevitably when you meet

And me thinking I was all weird getting totally
Obsess with online overseas man
I’m not !

Sexting had its place , and it’s grown on me . It’s better than wanking alone ! But needs to be pure sexting and never meeting

hes charming and he showed an interest and remembered things I'd said previously, and he was so kind when my cat died but something changed recently

Oh I so get this ! I fall for the ones that show kindness

But maybe it’s love bombing
Maybe they are super horny and have a kind streak
And maybe they all are deeply insecure also

Who knows ? But when it starts making
You feel shitty you have to be very careful

@Thisisworsethananticpated wise words.

Here:

Mr. Social Conscience - fading fast. The more I think about it, the more “no” he is. Had date zero yesterday, good but not brilliant. He’s a lost soul.

Mr. Curly - warming up nicely. Datezero to be sorted but in the offing.

Mr. Retro - super handsome. Arranging a high adrenaline date zero shortly.

I had my first ever EVER date in the best part of two decades yesterday and I’m back on the horse!

@Thisisworsethananticpated. of course, I’m checking archived 😂 makes me feel better that I’ve archived him though….baby steps!
I hate all this second guessing, plus the just pure lies. I’m old, I can cope with a I’m not into you message, it’s not like it’s the first 😂

I had that !!! I archived my obsession

Then checked the archive every 20 mins

Then Friday we had a semi sexting date
He went all weird and said he was going to bed

So I deleted the chat
Said ‘you either can’t or won’t do this with me’

As I was reading our conversations all day
And seeing how nice he was to start with

Onwards (I was properly heartbroken 💔 though )