Dating thread 209: Summer of Love 2021

[BelladiMamma]

I've put a screenshot of the RULES here

Dear newbies and oldies they're excellent words of wisdom and deserve to be read frequently

Here's to all of us navigating the sea of twats, the tsunami of penpals and the ever receding tide of ghosters

Let's kick them into touch and have a summer of love ❤️

@Mylifestartstoday

Can I have feedback? Went on date zero with Mr Irish. Last out of the pub, lots to chat about. Bit of a kiss in the car park, got in our cars headed home. He suggested meeting again, I said yes. Got home, a few messages exchanged. This morning I messaged him about something we had chatted about….ghosted! He’s been online, just hasn’t read it. What is this about? Why can’t men do the sorry, thanks but no thanks message?

This is just today?

You're not being ghosted. If it carries on til Tuesday, you're being ghosted and you can send a 'let me know what's going on or I'll assume you're not interested in pursuing things' message.

Exactly that @SpringlikeBunk the walking into that place.. I think you have to be in the right place to do that.

my MrGardener had ED issues but at my age, I didn't see it as the 'be all and end all' if they ticked all my other boxes. Is that how you feel?

It's exactly how I feel. I'm 53. My last partner had ED issues, sometimes to the extent that I couldn't feel him because he'd gone soft (but I don't know if he knew that), but he could still finish. And while he knew he had problems, his whole focus was on his ending. He never went down, or did much touching. He would just slap on some lube as soon as he was ready and get on with it.

MrWG is all about ensuring I'm sorted so regardless of lack of PIV it's a million times better. And size isn't an issue really because I'm, er, quite small. And I know he can do it, he has erections and finishes, he just has some hang ups with PIV (he has referred to these hang ups).

And my partner before who I was with seven years had ED problems where he had delayed ejaculation which was really annoying, just pounding away at me for ages. I often wondered if he'd mind, or even notice, if I read a book!

It's just, in itself, not that important, if the other stuff is there.

@BelladiMamma ah ok….. seems strange that he’s not messaged today as he’s messaged every other day I’ve archived him on WhatsApp so if he messages, great, if he doesn’t then I’ll forget him

[quote Mylifestartstoday]@BelladiMamma ah ok….. seems strange that he’s not messaged today as he’s messaged every other day I’ve archived him on WhatsApp so if he messages, great, if he doesn’t then I’ll forget him[/quote]
Yes I think that's a good plan x

@VanGoghsDog

It's good that your dating has led you to "knowing what you want" in terms of relationships right now.

I'm happy with where I'm at (pulled back a bit until I meet someone really "wow") but with the apps it's just so easy to just "collect random low quality contacts who aren't quite right" and it doesn't really emotionally help at all!

You put things so succinctly Spring it helps my head reading them 😬😬

@Mylifestartstoday if you archive, does that mean you won't see any new messages from him? Does archiving just hide them?

@BelladiMamma - same age as me and a similar sexual history, lol. I used to think I was spoilt by MrWow as he was very well endowed and I had lots of PIV orgasms - something unachievable ever before - but FFS, it got a bit boring as he'd go for ages. You made me laugh with the 'read a book' comment as that's exactly how I felt in the end. It would have been totally unsustainable if we'd stayed together! I chalk it down to one of my 7 Wonders of the World experiences. Four years ago I felt I was in my prime but now, menopause has really kicked in and I now appreciate an attentive partner. Bless him, MrBE makes me feel so desirable and he puts the effort in.

@Mylifestartstoday - give him time. Fingers crossed for you.

I went on a date zero tonight, very last minute! He was an iron I'd had great chat with 2 weeks ago then he went on holiday and I kind of forgot about him. He messaged today, more great chat and he asked me out. I initially said no as he asked me to drive to his area and it was also last minute. But I thought feck it, said yes but only if you come to my area. Which he did.

Physically he's not my type at all, short and fair but he's so interesting and there was some chemistry and even a kiss when he gave me a lift home.

So now the wait to see if he gets in touch ... and if not how long till I contact him 😆

Mylifestartstoday

I agree it not necessarily ghosted YET
But nothing worse than waiting for a WhatsApp

I also did the archive
Then I just checked archive all the time

Ah welcome back to dating hey 🙈

Okay so I've just seen Mr Cricket on Tinder, he told me he deleted Tinder. Now I don't want to assume he is a liar but that is a bare faced lie, he sat opposite me and said to my face he was no longer on Tinder and had not been on anymore dates(I actually believed him) and then quizzed me about whether I was on there still and had anymore dates(I hadn't been for a couple of months not because of any hope I had of anything with him but because of my own mental wellbeing). That means he unmatched me before I deleted my account, kind of insulting if so especially when we were still talking and meeting up.

What is it about people being f-ing liars? Now we agreed to be friends so why the need to lie about being on there to me! I'm actually quite shocked as I thought he seemed like an honest guy and if he has lied he's a bloody good one at that. I don't want a liar as a friend though and it's the lying that has got me(not him being on Tinder) 😕😒.

Maybe he had deleted it then but has now reinstated it?
I told MrWG I wasn't on apps at the end of last year, he's never asked me again and I have been back on them since. So if he saw me he might assume I lied but I didn't, other than maybe by omission more recently.

Also, I really do think Tinder makes profiles live when people have shut them down.

@Isitreallyme177 - I deleted my apps but not my profile. So, if MrBE looked, he'd see my profile? It's a minefield! How do you know he's back on? Have you got a 'burner' account where you can check? If so, how does it work?

@VanGoghsDog @Isitreallyme177 I think there are some deliberate glitches with the site, when I was on bumble and I snoozed my profile indefinitely i then went back 3 weeks ago and bumble had reactivated it because they clearly have some policy about how long 'indefinite' is, so I'd collected likes without realising.

I probably need to check that Hinge hasn't done the same on me.

Also when I went to look at Muddy Matches it took a bunch of info from me and now I've got a fuxking profile there too 🤦🏻‍♀️

I'm going to continue my OLD housekeeping and delete these extra profiles doing the week.

Also, he literally might have put his profile back up today. Which means he wasn't lying to you then, he's just decided that he wants to try dating again.

[quote Walkingalot]@BelladiMamma - same age as me and a similar sexual history, lol. I used to think I was spoilt by MrWow as he was very well endowed and I had lots of PIV orgasms - something unachievable ever before - but FFS, it got a bit boring as he'd go for ages. You made me laugh with the 'read a book' comment as that's exactly how I felt in the end. It would have been totally unsustainable if we'd stayed together! I chalk it down to one of my 7 Wonders of the World experiences. Four years ago I felt I was in my prime but now, menopause has really kicked in and I now appreciate an attentive partner. Bless him, MrBE makes me feel so desirable and he puts the effort in.

@Mylifestartstoday - give him time. Fingers crossed for you.[/quote]
I think you've got me mixed up with @VanGoghsDog 😎

@BelladiMamma - So sorry! It's late and I've had a hard day kayaking pretending to be a trendier/younger parent than I am.

Thanks @BelladiMamma and @VanGoghsDog I just don't understand because he sat opposite me, saying it wasn't for him and telling me about his short stint on it. Then to keep saying he doesn't have the time to date as life is complicated. I suppose he could have deleted the app but not his profile.

I just don't like being lied to, my ex lied to me after we split, he still doesn't know I know about him and the skank he got with whilst we were still living in the same house and took away for a dirty weekend on our anniversary.

@Walkingalot I deleted my account back in June (I think) and rejoined today, no burner account. I can't stand OLD (it's one of the things Mr Cricket and I have in common) .

isitreally do you think maybe he thought he was being kind by making out that he wasn't actively looking because he knew that might hurt you? Because even though you were meant to be just friends he sensed that he had to be gentle with you? So a white lie to protect you rather than being deceitful in a nasty way?

Maybe you just need to call him on it ?
He’s either lying or he isn’t
But , won’t it show that you are also online when you ask him

It’s a minefield

I actually traded messages with someone quite funny tonight

But I’ve learnt my lesson
Meet up , or not bother
And no hard core sexting ahead of a first date

Isitreally, I agree with @WeWantTheFinestWines.

@Isitreallyme177

Hmmm - maybe you're still a little bit over-attached - if you're going to be strictly platonic friends you shouldn't be checking up on him, or that worried about who he is dating or not dating?

I mean (I'm an overanalyser and do EXACTLY the same myself if I like someone btw so solidarity!) objectively you have been doing a lot of checking up on him, overthinking the contact, I'd say staying in touch probably means more to you than it does to him?

Maybe he's twigged this and doesn't want you reacting badly if he says he's looking for new dates?

I was very naive when I first used Tinder, but have learned a LOT of guys use lines like:

"I hardly ever use OD!"
"I haven't met anyone from here!"
"I don't like apps!"
"I haven't been on a date since I broke up with my childhood sweetheart two years ago, she left ME"

Whilst frantically being on them all the time, and they always have five profiles on every site and five contacts on the go as well I expect!

I now assume contacts are talking BS tbh when they say stuff like that.

@Thisisworsethananticpated - And no hard core sexting ahead of a first date - absolutely not, lol. And there is the key to getting dates. I've read enough on here over the years (4/5) to know that you don't let the good chats go beyond a few days before you suggest/hint on a meeting. Most will be duffs, some will be friendship material, some may lead to something else. I think something dies when you just string on the chat.

@SpringlikeBunk I don't know anymore. It was just a bit if a surprise to see him. At least it wasn't Computer Geek, I think that might have broken me.

@Thisisworsethananticpated that's the problem if I bring it up then it shows I'm back on it.

Making notes! This is a masterclass!