Dating thread 209: Summer of Love 2021

[BelladiMamma]

I've put a screenshot of the RULES here

Dear newbies and oldies they're excellent words of wisdom and deserve to be read frequently

Here's to all of us navigating the sea of twats, the tsunami of penpals and the ever receding tide of ghosters

Let's kick them into touch and have a summer of love ❤️

@Shayelle2009 no 🥺😔 he's read it now though. My ex (my go to for dating advice it seems) said to me "he wouldn't have stuck around if he didn't like you". I just have to remember that, after all it's so easy to block someone these days. My ex also said something interesting, maybe Mr Cricket thinks I'm not ready and is waiting for me to be. Who knows , I can keep second guessing but it won't do me any good.

How are things with you? Are you back on the apps yet?

@Shayelle2009 I'm much better thanks 😊

@Isitreallyme177 that's kind of your ex to talk things through, but you never really know what the other person is thinking before you have a meet and discuss things. Sometimes you need that bucket of cold water to get you back on track and to face reality

I've got a fair few chats on the go. One is going really well. Trying not to get too excited. Let's see if the suggested date materialises

@SpringlikeBunk

Sorry about the bad date zeros *@WeWantTheFinestWines and @Dancerinthemoonlight*

I’m genuinely thinking of getting the video call date zero in now to weed out bad conversationalists - there’s just something depressing about sitting there thinking “when can I make an excuse to go” .

Maybe have a line in my profile?

In the past I’ve been a bit worried that comes across as too high maintenance.

But now I’m thinking that if the other party is serious about making time to connect with someone they shouldn’t be put off by it?

@SpringlikeBunk I don't think you can truly suss someone out without actially meeting them in the flesh unfortunately.

I had quite a few video meets with Mr Breadcrumbs during the second lockdown. It was nice and enough to establish I fancied him. However when we met in real life I picked up so much more.

It's difficult to describe but despite all the flirting and hand holding ,I got the feeling that his heart wasn't open, that he was still closed off to me and the possibility of a lasting relationship iyswim?

His reticence did not come across on the video where he seemed able to keep the performance up. It hit me like a brick in he face on the occasions we met for real. Just a thought.

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

Thank you *@FireandBrimstone and @SpringlikeBunk*. I do hate when they bring things up like that when we've clearly made a connection. They know it's going to change things. I'm hardly going to pat him on the back and say 'ooh that's fantastic!' (!)

It felt like he was brushing things aside a bit when he said 'if it helps the process is nearly finished.' Like that was going to make things better.

Anyway, I'm feeling much better about it. I just told him that I wanted a normal relationship without all the worry and stress and things being frankly hellish sounding with his ex, and he seemed to accept it.

God, I feel as if I've been on a OLD rollercoaster this week! 😂❤️

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards I think the important thing is that you're spotting and weeding these pisstakers out

@SpringlikeBunk a video call or a phone chat is very much the norm now and a lot of the people that seem to be taking their dating seriously do suggest it. But as @Languidleopard points out there's so much more in an actual meet.
For example I had a phone chat with a guy yesterday and in fact he's nice looking, intelligent, has stuff to say. But boring as hell on the phone. He's Scandinavian and his tone of voice is more suited to a meditation app.

@Isitreallyme177 sorry youve not heard anything, it’s so so hard this dating malarkey isn’t it, you need to be so strong emotionally and have the skin of a rhino. No I’m not on anything, I swipe through but on the rare occasion I see someone who looks half decent I think hmmmm but you could be a nutter though and I just swipe left, so there is no point me being on them as I’m just too wary. Think I’ve just been burnt toooo many times and im closed off now. HOWEVER I think it’s more likely I’d give someone a chance IRL because you can read so much more in an instant, their energy, their voice, smell, HEIGHT (no lying when they’re right there haha) they way they hold themselves etc. Everytime I go to the supermarket (of all places) I see good looking guys, so I honestly feel like this is where I’ll meet someone.. doing my food shopping!!! 😬🤣🤣

@BelladiMamma glad you feel better and hope the the good chats come to fruition 💗😄

It was weird in the supermarket yesterday I was eyeing up someone who was a lot older than what I’d usually go for, he was mid 50’s I’d say, very attractive. I’d not set that age range on the crApps but just goes to show real life can present you with people who you wouldn’t normally think you’d be interested in.

@Shayelle2009 thanks for asking about me and MrHair - in all honesty I'm not sure at the moment. I have no doubt about his feelings for me but I keep going through phases of over thinking whether its working for me or not 🤷‍♀️ I think what put the spanner in the works was that our childfree weekends clash but I was expecting to spend a lot more time over these school holidays with him so we could get a sense of whether it had legs before going through rigmarole of trying to sync weekends but without being too outing something happened on first day of hols which has put pressure on his time and availability which means that I've barely seen him so far and doesn't look likely to change for a while 🤦‍♀️ he keeps in touch and we video call every day, and whilst I don't want to sound high maintenance, it just doesn't feel like dating as such as I want to be out doing stuff - but I do feel like a bitch saying that as it is slightly out of his control

Ah that’s not great @Slothmomma 😟 you definitely want to be out and about with him don’t you, that’s what makes dating fun!! Having someone to do things with!!

Yes @Shayelle2009 but its just not been the summer I was expecting i guess

@BelladiMamma maybe it's time I put my big girl pants on and actually ask him on a proper date again(with alcohol then I might relax a bit). The problem is I actually like this guy (as a person as well as someone to date) and I'm scared I'm going to get hurt if I open up and tell him how I feel.

@Shayelle2009 I always see nice guys in the shops or the pub. I was watching the football and said to a friend about the nice guy on the other table, but he had a wedding ring on. There's a nice guy at my gym but I've only seen him a couple of times so it's not enough to speak to him just yet.

Thanks languid - I am a really interesting person! 😊 I've done amazing things, met amazing people, I have many stories to tell but I'm not going to waste them on someone who will only stop talking about themselves long enough to draw breath so they can carry on taking about themselves.

Just started brand new Bumble chat. So far he can write a coherent sentence. If that carries on, I may even name him.

Re video chats - I think they're brilliant to keep a connection going with someone you're seeing, but hate them before meeting. I find them confrontational and awkward and like I'm in a job interview. Love a phone call, they're much more relaxed and intimate. The three pre-date video calls I've had resulted in me binning two of them and not looking forward to date zero with the third one. Who I subsequently binned, partly for not being honest about his short stature or humongous belly on his profile - neither of those showed up in the video either of course. Writing this I'm thinking maybe the videos did their job then! But I hated doing them, so I've decided not to do any more. Phone or nothing for me.

@Naimee87 go you!!!!! Well done.

@Dancerinthemoonlight - agree total oddball nope.

It's been a hell of a week. The new job seems great and I knew it would be a steep learning curve (I have to earn those nice pennies) but holy moly my brain hurts.

I have gone from euphoria with Mr HT to taking off my rose tinted specs. I got a weird rash this week, I asked pharmacist last night about it and she's pretty sure it's shingles, didn't have any anti-vitals so I need to call NHS 24 today. So I diligently phoned people I'd seen to tell them. I left a fairly breezy vm for Mr HT, his response was a - I've had chicken pox thanks for letting me know. I just said it explains why I've been feeling so off and I got no response. This from a man that was sitting on my sofa stroking my hair so affectionately 24 hours previous. No I hope you are ok, nothing. I reread our handful of messages yesterday morning and I think he gaslit me. It made me realise he did it last week too. Then I thought about something he said on Thursday night, and as much as I love him, I think I'm done with him.
I won't make any fuss, no big explanations, I'm just going to busy when he's in the mood for a girlfriend experience. I'm just not going to bother.

I did have a date zero this week and he seemed really sweet but my head was in deep with Mr HT at the time. He wants to see me again so fuckit I'm going to do it. I will name him Mr Granted (daft play on words).

[quote cravingthelook]@Naimee87 go you!!!!! Well done.

@Dancerinthemoonlight - agree total oddball nope.

It's been a hell of a week. The new job seems great and I knew it would be a steep learning curve (I have to earn those nice pennies) but holy moly my brain hurts.

I have gone from euphoria with Mr HT to taking off my rose tinted specs. I got a weird rash this week, I asked pharmacist last night about it and she's pretty sure it's shingles, didn't have any anti-vitals so I need to call NHS 24 today. So I diligently phoned people I'd seen to tell them. I left a fairly breezy vm for Mr HT, his response was a - I've had chicken pox thanks for letting me know. I just said it explains why I've been feeling so off and I got no response. This from a man that was sitting on my sofa stroking my hair so affectionately 24 hours previous. No I hope you are ok, nothing. I reread our handful of messages yesterday morning and I think he gaslit me. It made me realise he did it last week too. Then I thought about something he said on Thursday night, and as much as I love him, I think I'm done with him.
I won't make any fuss, no big explanations, I'm just going to busy when he's in the mood for a girlfriend experience. I'm just not going to bother.

I did have a date zero this week and he seemed really sweet but my head was in deep with Mr HT at the time. He wants to see me again so fuckit I'm going to do it. I will name him Mr Granted (daft play on words).

[/quote]
Oh sh1t I am so sorry you're ill.

And I'm also very sad to hear that MrHT isn't doing the FWB thing properly. That's crap. I had a very short lived fling with a military guy who sounds very similar. Out of sight out of mind and ultimately very selfish.

Wow sorry to hear that @cravingthelook ive heard shingles is really painful 😓 look after yourself. Crap he's not even asked you’re ok

@Isitreallyme177 I’d bite the bullet and just ask him. At least then you’ll have an answer and won’t be stuck in limbo land. It’s better in the long run. x

Crikey craving you've got a lot going on. Sorry about the shingles, they are apparently really painful - and can be caused by stress? Or I may have got that wrong... Really sorry Mr HT can't just be a decent human being, regardless of your relationship/situationship status. And new job start is always a bit 'aaargh!' but you know what you're doing and you'll hit your stride.

@cravingthelook get well soon 💜 I've had shingles and it was so painful so you have my sympathies. Can't believe Mr HT was like that towards you but I guess sometimes this stuff helps us let go of people.

@Naimee87 Congratulations!!!! 🍾

Got date zero with Mr Italy today. I'm quite nervous a so really fancy him, and it's meant to be raining later so not sure what to wear, but about to paint my nails anyway 😁

Ughh @cravingthelook really sorry about the shingles, that can be nasty. Hope you get meds soon. And rubbish reaction from Mr HT, 📢sweeping generalisation klaxon 📢 but sometimes men can be so crass and self centred. If you don't mind me asking what was it you reflected that he said the other night? Remember you have such a lot on right now and of course now ill - a step back to focus on you even for a short time might help you with perspective.

@Shayelle2009

It was weird in the supermarket yesterday I was eyeing up someone who was a lot older than what I’d usually go for, he was mid 50’s I’d say, very attractive. I’d not set that age range on the crApps but just goes to show real life can present you with people who you wouldn’t normally think you’d be interested in.

Interesting. For exactly the opposite reasons, I've been thinking I probably would have more success IRL, if only there were actually real life opportunities around! I think my age is really going against me - I am a young looking 53 and honest about my age on my profiles. I definitely have a 'younger' outlook/lifestyle, but I don't want a younger man. I reckon the men my age are setting their preferences to 10years younger so I'm not even coming up on the decks of men swiping. But I can't help but feel I could be more attractive to them IRL. Certainly in my first 6 weeks or so of using the apps it's not helping my self confidence at all.

@Shayelle2009 I think it's time to rip off the plaster as they say. He knows I like him (he isn't an idiot) and you don't message someone who you know likes you virtually everyday if you don't like them back (and the messaging has been pretty equal up until yesterday). I wasn't going to message him today as he'll be playing cricket and I don't want to ruin my weekend so I might leave it until Monday and spend the weekend sorting my spare room out. Thank you it's always good to get some sensible advice. X

[quote cravingthelook]@Naimee87 go you!!!!! Well done.

@Dancerinthemoonlight - agree total oddball nope.

It's been a hell of a week. The new job seems great and I knew it would be a steep learning curve (I have to earn those nice pennies) but holy moly my brain hurts.

I have gone from euphoria with Mr HT to taking off my rose tinted specs. I got a weird rash this week, I asked pharmacist last night about it and she's pretty sure it's shingles, didn't have any anti-vitals so I need to call NHS 24 today. So I diligently phoned people I'd seen to tell them. I left a fairly breezy vm for Mr HT, his response was a - I've had chicken pox thanks for letting me know. I just said it explains why I've been feeling so off and I got no response. This from a man that was sitting on my sofa stroking my hair so affectionately 24 hours previous. No I hope you are ok, nothing. I reread our handful of messages yesterday morning and I think he gaslit me. It made me realise he did it last week too. Then I thought about something he said on Thursday night, and as much as I love him, I think I'm done with him.
I won't make any fuss, no big explanations, I'm just going to busy when he's in the mood for a girlfriend experience. I'm just not going to bother.

I did have a date zero this week and he seemed really sweet but my head was in deep with Mr HT at the time. He wants to see me again so fuckit I'm going to do it. I will name him Mr Granted (daft play on words).

[/quote]
@cravingthelook Sorry you're having to deal with shingles, and that Mr HT didn't respond in a very caring way.

He sounds very lacking in empathy - his response was basically all about how your illness might affect him (!) That's quite telling I think.

Hope you can get some rest over the weekend and that you don't feel too rough.

[quote Bbub]@cravingthelook get well soon 💜 I've had shingles and it was so painful so you have my sympathies. Can't believe Mr HT was like that towards you but I guess sometimes this stuff helps us let go of people.

@Naimee87 Congratulations!!!! 🍾

Got date zero with Mr Italy today. I'm quite nervous a so really fancy him, and it's meant to be raining later so not sure what to wear, but about to paint my nails anyway 😁[/quote]
@Bbub Good luck with Mr Italy today 🤞

Having a read through just now! MrElf is here and guess what he's ASLEEP!... what the heck is he going to be like later in life! We did enjoy a nice morning walk though and now it's completely chucking it down so not much else to do. He'll be away next week again, he wanted me to join him for a few days but with my son and dog it's far too soon for this and i think it's only right i spend quality time with my son before he's back to school again.

Thanks to EVERYONE of you for the congratulations! If i ever get trucking over to the UK i'll let you know ... i love this little community we have here.

Will get some thoughts on your posts out soon!