Dating thread 209: Summer of Love 2021

[BelladiMamma]

I've put a screenshot of the RULES here

Dear newbies and oldies they're excellent words of wisdom and deserve to be read frequently

Here's to all of us navigating the sea of twats, the tsunami of penpals and the ever receding tide of ghosters

Let's kick them into touch and have a summer of love ❤️

Congratulations Naimee

That one in the red top… I mean there are just no words are there?!? Do you think anyone matches them??

Sorry.. white top.. red latex love seat lol 🤮🤮 clearly taken in a strip club ..

@EchoElephant, I sometimes, in fact quite often, still have previous irons get randomly in touch to see how I am ? —am I up for a shag?— I think it happens when they are fishing around/bored/horny. I’m seeing someone so I just explain that and end the conversation. If you are happy with seeing what happens and friendship then that’s not going to be playing on your mind too much.

@Shayelle2009

He's not even the worst though

It is "kind of" funny but also after a bit longer on the apps it's just got very depressing.

I mean there also were plenty of weirdos when I was OD in my 20's to be fair, but it's my "resilience/being open minded" is a lot lower now?

It kind of just adjusts/skews ones view of human behaviour - there's a line in a Pat Barker novel where there's a character who sees all men as "over-sexual" and "coming towards her with their dicks out"?

And I think that's what being on the apps does to your view of human nature.

But most people and interactions in modern society aren't like that.

Advice please, I’ve been reading but not posting… I’m relatively inexperienced at online dating, in fact I’m not experienced at dating at all! I was with my ex husband for almost 25 years and post my separation, did date the first man I met online for about 20 months. Since the age of 22, that’s been my relationship history.

I’ve had ons and had a great fab situation for a while, but prior to meeting my last bf I knew I wanted more than casual sex. My last relationship ended in a very nasty way 11 weeks ago and while it’s still relatively raw, I can honestly say I no longer love him so decided to dip my toe back in… I’m not sure if my expectations of honesty are too much or if I’m just expecting too much!

I’m very clear about what I want, and when I’m asked ‘what I’m looking for’ I do say that I’m ultimately looking for a relationship. I’m not interested in playing games and I really try to be honest and upfront with everyone in my life. I’ve learned my costly divorce was in part because I didn’t ask for what I wanted and allowed my ex to treat me in a way that showed no regard for me or the things that were important to me.

Unusually, I’ve very few friends in the position I’m in. I’m 52 and starting again, most of my friends are with their husbands and partners a long time and so the advice they give is based on their experiences 25 years ago, and dating and meeting people has completely changed!

So currently I’ve had very basic chats online with a man that seems nice, and we moved to WhatsApp, he asked when I was free, I said Saturday afternoon or Wednesday next week. He came straight back with Saturday, I gave him a time and asked did that suit. He said it did. I suggested a place that’s handy for both of us, and nothing since then. That was at 10 this morning. My inclination is just to block/delete as I believe if you’re interested in doing something with someone, you reply. He’s not working today so know it’s not that. Am I being naive to believe that he should have replied either way? As I say, I’m not hugely experienced at this dating game! So please be nice! Personally, I don’t make plans for even date zero unless I intend going, and can’t understand why anyone would do that. So wise people.. am I being unreasonable to expect him to have replied given it’s tomorrow and he suggested it or is it the norm that men keep their options open…

Woohoo @Naimee87!

@Alexandradream

Advice please, I’ve been reading but not posting… I’m relatively inexperienced at online dating, in fact I’m not experienced at dating at all! I was with my ex husband for almost 25 years and post my separation, did date the first man I met online for about 20 months. Since the age of 22, that’s been my relationship history.

I’ve had ons and had a great fab situation for a while, but prior to meeting my last bf I knew I wanted more than casual sex. My last relationship ended in a very nasty way 11 weeks ago and while it’s still relatively raw, I can honestly say I no longer love him so decided to dip my toe back in… I’m not sure if my expectations of honesty are too much or if I’m just expecting too much!

I’m very clear about what I want, and when I’m asked ‘what I’m looking for’ I do say that I’m ultimately looking for a relationship. I’m not interested in playing games and I really try to be honest and upfront with everyone in my life. I’ve learned my costly divorce was in part because I didn’t ask for what I wanted and allowed my ex to treat me in a way that showed no regard for me or the things that were important to me.

Unusually, I’ve very few friends in the position I’m in. I’m 52 and starting again, most of my friends are with their husbands and partners a long time and so the advice they give is based on their experiences 25 years ago, and dating and meeting people has completely changed!

So currently I’ve had very basic chats online with a man that seems nice, and we moved to WhatsApp, he asked when I was free, I said Saturday afternoon or Wednesday next week. He came straight back with Saturday, I gave him a time and asked did that suit. He said it did. I suggested a place that’s handy for both of us, and nothing since then. That was at 10 this morning. My inclination is just to block/delete as I believe if you’re interested in doing something with someone, you reply. He’s not working today so know it’s not that. Am I being naive to believe that he should have replied either way? As I say, I’m not hugely experienced at this dating game! So please be nice! Personally, I don’t make plans for even date zero unless I intend going, and can’t understand why anyone would do that. So wise people.. am I being unreasonable to expect him to have replied given it’s tomorrow and he suggested it or is it the norm that men keep their options open…

I wouldn't block. See what he does.

@Alexandradream

I’d wait till whatever time it is you need yourself to confirm (might be tomorrow morning might be tonight?)

and drop him a quick “just checking as I need to do transport - what’s the plan for tomorrow are we on?” message.

Yayyyy Naimee well done! Don't worry about Mr Elf, I also thought your message could possibly have been unclear.

I'm not up to date with the thread but I'm so bored and we have run out of things to talk to. Will update more later

Ahh that’s a shame @Dancerinthemoonlight 😕

@Alexandradream - that would annoy me to the extent that I'd probably say I'd made other plans if he comes back now. He may have arranged a date with someone else and hasn't the balls to tell you. Start as you mean to go on and don't accept any flaky behaviour.

Hi everyone,

I could do with some advice again.

So, I'm talking to someone new. We have similar interests and we seemed to be getting on well. He's really keen to meet...

Only I'm now having second thoughts as he has only just confessed to having four children 'that he doesn't see until he goes though the courts.'

This doesn't sit right with me at all. What is wrong with people? Why is all the men I'm speaking to suddenly conveying their deep dark secrets? It's the casual attitude of them that makes me feel sick as well

... I think I want to bin him as I really don't want to be involved with that sort of thing.

He's just sent me another message saying 'hopefully it doesn't put you off.'

Well, yes. it does put me off, very much, actually

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

Just don’t reply or unmatch and block if he keeps messaging you.

Hate this kind of “reveal” where they try to guilt trip you into staying in touch having initially not given you the full story

Onwards - it would be a no from me - whatever the background story.

[quote SpringlikeBunk]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

Just don’t reply or unmatch and block if he keeps messaging you.

Hate this kind of “reveal” where they try to guilt trip you into staying in touch having initially not given you the full story[/quote]
@SpringlikeBunk I know. Is so unnecessary and annoying.

I think I'm going to unmatch with him.I've just told him that it does make me feel uneasy, and he's said 'if it helps, the process is almost over.'

How does he think that's going to help, I don't know.

It's a shame. I was really enjoying taking to him and wanted to meet him soon 🙁❤️

*its

@SpringlikeBunk @Walkingalot I've unmatched With him now.

It's a real shame because we seemed to be chatting along really well, but I have a feeling that If things are going though the courts with his kids, there's obviously some animosity between him and his ex, and I don't want to get caught up in the middle of all that.

Thank you for the advice ❤️

[quote OnwardsEverStridingOnwards]**@SpringlikeBunk* @Walkingalot* I've unmatched With him now.

It's a real shame because we seemed to be chatting along really well, but I have a feeling that If things are going though the courts with his kids, there's obviously some animosity between him and his ex, and I don't want to get caught up in the middle of all that.

Thank you for the advice ❤️[/quote]
Sadly it might be more than animosity. Parents rarely need courts to decide when they can see their kids. Not good.

Well done for holding your boundary 🤗

@BelladiMamma I know. That's what I was thinking as well ❤️

Agree with Belladimama.

Well done @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

I mentioned on a previous thread but I really hate the “secret children” - I don’t need a photo on the profile but it’s just awkward when they “bring it up” after you’ve made a chat connection.

It’s just quite arrogant as well - like I’m quite clear I’m childfree, so it seems like the guys with children approaching me think they “deserve” someone who can give them full attention whilst I work round their commitments? 🤷‍♀️

Cravingtgelook I'm in a very similar situation to you and it sucks. I've known Mr DD for years but only got physical last November. We see one another every few weeks. I adore him and we are loving and cuddly together - we often don't go to bed u til daylight as we are so busy nattering. I haven't seen him for about 7 weeks now as we have both been busy but I'm seeing him tomorrow - thinking of laying my cards on the table but terrified of losing what we've got!!