Dating thread 209: Summer of Love 2021

[BelladiMamma]

I've put a screenshot of the RULES here

Dear newbies and oldies they're excellent words of wisdom and deserve to be read frequently

Here's to all of us navigating the sea of twats, the tsunami of penpals and the ever receding tide of ghosters

Let's kick them into touch and have a summer of love ❤️

@Languidleopard in a weird way I would prefer someone to delete rather than let my intro message hang in silence! I simply write something simple like fancy a chat? If they reply, then I do more groundwork and show my personality more. I wouldn't take it personally though if they delete. Their loss.

@Slothmomma sorry about Mr Hair. I couldn't remember what was bothering you so much but if you were having sleepless nights, then something wasn't right. Is it definitely not salvageable?

@MayEye definitely meet them all if you have the time. You'll soon see who you feel more sparks with in real life and then can decide. Don't feel guilty, just enjoy the moment for now.

@VanGoghsDog you always seem to have tons of irons, is there any you like more than the others?

@CheesePlantMurderer you made me laugh with the knickers alight thing. It's a bummer when they look great on paper but let themselves down with the messaging. That said, I've had the flipside with great messaging and blah in real life so perhaps meet him ASAP and decide.

I have been spending my child free weekend buying loads of bright summery clothes to keep my holiday look alive, trying to channel an overweight Iman here who always looks fab. Oh, and eating biryani alone with raspberry trifle for dessert . I also woke up to a text from Mr Lawyer from last night saying he was on holiday abroad too. I've played this very cool but will mention a second date for when he's back so at least it will be out there!

@Languidleopard @SpringlikeBunk and anyone else feeling a bit disheartened by dating right now. Another night home alone Saturday and I’m not sure what life holds in the future.
When I was first single nearly 4 yrs ago (after 25 yrs with ex) I thought how hard will dating be? Nothing in my wildest dreams would have prepared me for the sea of twats I’ve met.
Currently off the apps as I found it was doing more harm than good to my mental health.
At my age most of my friends are all still married and quickly forget how lonely my life is.
Each and every one of us is a prize but sometimes it’s hard picking yourself up and trying another talking stage.
Also is it just me but I find the sorry I’m not feeling it to guys that like you just as hard as being ghosted, rejected yourself?
It all just sucks
Sorry for the sad post. Just feeling lonely right now

@Shayelle2009 you'll be fine! Perhaps try a scatter gun approach with Tinder, Bumble and Hinge and see what comes up. And yes, I'm tanned, though was already dark anyway! I enjoyed resetting my life. Definitely not bothered about dating!

@Eesha ooh exciting to hear back from MrLawyer! Hope you get a second date in and it’s as good as the first. I hear you on the summer clothes! Got myself a couple of things this week, I’m a bit obsessed with white and pale yellow! Though the clothes I’ve got are probably more suitable for a 20 yr old! Tiny bodycon dresses 🤣 haha.

@Slothmomma I’m sorry to hear it didn’t work out with Mrhair but at least you didn’t rush the decision so it will be the right one, hope you feel like it’s a bit of a weight off now x

@Shayelle2009 I was the same the other day and I deleted the next morning when I got a message saying I know where you are in your profile picture (I'm stood on a swing in a play park). I don't know what to do as i want a man in my life but the thought of going back on the apps just fills me with dread.

@Techgirldating sorry you are feeling low. I think you have done the right thing coming off the apps though till you feel better. It's hard picking yourself up I agree. I found this reset thing pretty invaluable and I don't feel bothered by wanting to meet someone at all.

@VanGoghsDog you always seem to have tons of irons, is there any you like more than the others?

I only unsnoozed Tinder and Bumble last night because I was bored.

Nothing on Bumble, resnoozed, but Tinder I have ten matches, of whom I have a bit of chat with seven.

Only one is actually vaguely interesting to chat to, but not much to look at.

The rest are pretty limited in the way they message so probably not going anywhere. I'll resnooze it this evening I expect.

None are especially interesting or attractive (to me).

@MayEye I still don't feel all that comfortable having more than one iron on the go at once, but given the chances of them disappearing, flaking, catfishing or just turning out to be quite dull (as described brilliantly above by @SpringlikeBunk ) I think it's sensible.

I'm a bit of a lightweight because I find keeping in contact with more than 2 a bit draining!

Still feeling a bit sad this morning but did get some sleep. @eesha there was no specific thing, just a few niggles and one of main ones being that I was starting to feel guilty as it was clear that his feelings for me were much deeper than mine for him so something was holding me back. Who knows - I may never actually love anyone again - but he deserves better. He also admitted once id broken up with him that he did want to live with someone again and didn't see himself living alone whereas id always said it wasn't something I saw on the cards for me so no, unlikely to be salvageable

[quote CheesePlantMurderer]@Languidleopard bumble has been truly awful for me. One match in a week who was many miles away somehow and didn't reply.

Tinder has been much better but they're quite dull so far.

Got hopes for one guy who's quite close, not my usual type but something keeps drawing me to him. However admits he's rarely online on tinder so messaging sporadic! Mr Old I'll call him as he's older by far than my usual.

Then there's Mr Fit who's very keen but wanted to meet tomorrow evening and I don't know if I'll be back in time from premade plans so then went quiet. Weird. That's pretty last minute! Also a little far away I think.

Then Mr Short. I'm not heightist but so many men around 5'7 have a hang up about it. I'm short but I don't. He got really ratty when I asked how tall he was so I said I'll guess you're 5'7 in that case and he replied Almost 5'8 actually

And on I go....

Want to meet Mr Old as he's intriguing me with his chilled handsomeness, but two messages a day isn't exactly burning holes in my knickers[/quote]
@CheesePlantMurderer 🤣

Yes, there's definitely no holes in my knickers at this stage either!

Interesting to hear about your experiences with Bumble. Can I ask how old you are? I'm 49. I was hoping Bumble would be enough as I live in a very densely populated area, but maybe I need to take the plunge with Tinder. Once my Dd goes back in school and life settles down a bit, I may give it a go.

Hey, I'm sorry if people like me crash this thread and ask inane newbie questions! I tried Bumble last night for the first time, got to the end having swiped right only twice, regretted not swiping a couple. What happens after that, do you wait a few days and see if they come back round again? Is it worth having another app on the go?

I'm in the recently separated with kids category, not looking for a serious relationship - had decided to avoid OLD but then worried that I'm a bit out of touch and so this is the start of me trying to be more open etc. A bit of practice if you like.

SpringlikeBun

So agree with what you said about tinder , it’s almost too much to Wade through

I’ve found it all rather bruising , I got very attached to the first guy that messaged me and some
Intense texting and Sexting totally messed with my head

I think I need to pause and start again when less sad

Techgirldating

Hope you have
Perked up today

[quote Techgirldating]**@Languidleopard* @SpringlikeBunk* and anyone else feeling a bit disheartened by dating right now. Another night home alone Saturday and I’m not sure what life holds in the future.
When I was first single nearly 4 yrs ago (after 25 yrs with ex) I thought how hard will dating be? Nothing in my wildest dreams would have prepared me for the sea of twats I’ve met.
Currently off the apps as I found it was doing more harm than good to my mental health.
At my age most of my friends are all still married and quickly forget how lonely my life is.
Each and every one of us is a prize but sometimes it’s hard picking yourself up and trying another talking stage.
Also is it just me but I find the sorry I’m not feeling it to guys that like you just as hard as being ghosted, rejected yourself?
It all just sucks
Sorry for the sad post. Just feeling lonely right now[/quote]
@Techgirldating sorry you're feeling despondent 😔

Yes! I feel horrible turning people down but I think it's better to be honest from the get go. I've been kind but clear and wished them well for their dating journey. It's all part of experience I suppose.

Thanks @Eesha yes definitely better to be unmatched promptly than left hanging.

I might experiment with a simpler hello message and see how that goes

@Languidleopard I'm 52!

It's bizarre as I tried it before briefly and had too many matches and it turned me off!?

Wow this thread moves quickly!

@Techgirldating I'm sorry you're having a sh1t time of it. It's good to take a break or just stuff it into a box labelled 'low expectations'. The good thing is, you know that you're not alone in finding it hard

@Eesha an overweight Iman sounds pretty hot whichever way you look at it! As for the MrLawyer, life is busy in August and at least he's answered. Hanging on is the worst!

@Languidleopard I wonder if all the apps are stronger in particular parts of the country? Bumble is really busy here, I'm slap bang in the middle of London and the south coast. Brighton is really busy with singles and many other bi women looking so I do have double the chances I guess?

@Slothmomma I hear you. This was exactly the same with MrBear and actually now I am really pleased I broke things off because we just weren't on the same page.

getbehindme welcome to the thread. I think it's quite common to have a profile on more than one app, as they're all slightly different. And I personally think you can't avoid Tinder, just because of numbers. I met my most serious OLD relationship on Tinder so it's not just for hookups. Good luck and read the rules at the top of the post.

I echo those feeling despondent and think I might snooze everything until after the holidays. I live in a holiday destination that's otherwise quite sparsely populated so my feeds are dominated by holiday makers who live hours away. I've got my kids for the next couple of weeks and I'm planning a visit to family abroad in September so that will hopefully stave off the loneliness. I've barely spoken to a living soul since my shit date zero Friday night. Much as I enjoy me-time and catching up on films and reading and not being on the hamster wheel of cooking, washing, cleaning of family life I do feel the lack of that connection you only get with someone you're in a relationship with.

@WeWantTheFinestWines

I echo those feeling despondent and think I might snooze everything until after the holidays. I live in a holiday destination that's otherwise quite sparsely populated so my feeds are dominated by holiday makers who live hours away. I've got my kids for the next couple of weeks and I'm planning a visit to family abroad in September so that will hopefully stave off the loneliness. I've barely spoken to a living soul since my shit date zero Friday night. Much as I enjoy me-time and catching up on films and reading and not being on the hamster wheel of cooking, washing, cleaning of family life I do feel the lack of that connection you only get with someone you're in a relationship with.

I feel you 🫂

This thread moves so fast - am reading the last few pages and before I try to comment, it's moved on already!
Maybe we need a sister thread?
What would you think if you found Shania Twain and Susan Boyle in your dates CD collection - secretly pleased or shocked? He also confessed he'd seen River Dance and really enjoyed it! Thing is it just doesn't sit with his Captain BirdsEye (MrBE) image I had of him!

@Thisisworsethananticpated

SpringlikeBun

So agree with what you said about tinder , it’s almost too much to Wade through

I’ve found it all rather bruising , I got very attached to the first guy that messaged me and some
Intense texting and Sexting totally messed with my head

I think I need to pause and start again when less sad

@Thisisworsethananticpated I agree it is very bruising at times. I think I have the gold medal in getting attached to someone. I should have walked away when Computer Geek cancelled a second time but I didn't. We messaged for 5 months before we finally met. It was intense and a complete head fuck, he is a nice guy but very damaged by something in his past. It took time to get over him but I have. I miss him and will always wonder "what if we had met later on, would it have been different".

The worst thing is Computer Geek and one of my friends look almost identical, they could be brothers. I even checked my friend's friend's list on Facebook to see if he was on there 🤦‍♀️😂.

Hi @Isitreallyme177 I feel so creeped out being on the apps too. I feel worried about being recognised by a potato from the SoT in the town where I live. I dont trust any of them and I feel scared being on there. Not sure how long i’ll last on there.
Was chatting to a good pal who’s also on and off them. We concluded it’s boredom that drives us on there and horror that drives us off. Never sure which one is worse - boredom or horror!!

Same shayelle I live in a small town and a potato once messaged me on pof saying he had seen me out and about with my kids, freaked me right out.

Urgh thats horrendous @bangheadhere40 😞 though if it was someone amazing you’d be over the moon!! It’s always one of the rotten potatoes that’s gone to the compost heap though isn't it 😢