Dating thread 209: Summer of Love 2021

[BelladiMamma]

I've put a screenshot of the RULES here

Dear newbies and oldies they're excellent words of wisdom and deserve to be read frequently

Here's to all of us navigating the sea of twats, the tsunami of penpals and the ever receding tide of ghosters

Let's kick them into touch and have a summer of love ❤️

@Shayelle2009

Hi *@Isitreallyme177* I feel so creeped out being on the apps too. I feel worried about being recognised by a potato from the SoT in the town where I live. I dont trust any of them and I feel scared being on there. Not sure how long i’ll last on there. Was chatting to a good pal who’s also on and off them. We concluded it’s boredom that drives us on there and horror that drives us off. Never sure which one is worse - boredom or horror!!

This is so true. I do get anxious / triggered if irons are still messaging like nothing has changed even when you've friend zoned them. It feels aggressive, even though a couple of them don't mean any harm, they're probably just as lost and confused as we are!!

Jeez MrLocal has now tracked me down to tell me how disappointed in me he is that I blocked him after me sending him my third goodbye / closure message.

Ffs. People, just accept and move on with grace

@Shayelle2009 that's my fear too. I was walking round Tesco one day when someone said hello "isit" and I couldn't for the life of me work out who it was, I still don't know.

I actually had a little look around eharmony without paying! Agree hardly any people there compared to apps.

That said the tone seemed a lot better - there were 2-3 guys I liked the look of (I won’t pay for now) and I was able to sleuth out who they were due to job title and they were definitely “the type of guy I’m looking for right now”

I kind of think if there’s less turnover on both sides then it means both parties are thinking about decisions more, not just going for “the hottest new person” they can see (and for a lot of guys they’ll be getting 2-3 ok looking new matches regularly) ?

Plus the three month minimum means you do have to think about it a bit (both men and women) and assess if you’re actually in a position to genuinely meet someone before paying.

So “stage zero” impressions are not too bad.

@bangheadhere40 argh that is so bloody freaky!!! Do you think it was for real or he was just trying to make you uncomfortable?

Isitreallyme

I’m such a dick , got super obsessed and attached to a guy that’s overseas

He was texting me gorgeous messages all day and it felt so nice and he seemed so nice and lovely
Then it turned weird and I’m still thinking about him all the time

Why ? It’s so annoying

Dear Dolly: ‘We had awkward sex and now he’s ghosting me’

www.thetimes.co.uk/article/dear-dolly-we-had-awkward-sex-and-now-hes-ghosting-me-xr3h9vsnq

Not sure if you can access this, but it's a great article about how on line relationships can become all consuming and such a letdown ...

@Thisisworsethananticpated

I think that’s not an uncommon experience with the apps/messaging - having these short emotionally intense things that just burn out quickly but you feel them strongly!

I mean I’d say a solution to not getting too attached through chatting is to meet in person quickly

but then you might have a great first meet and then things fizzle out too! It’s very dehumanising.

Hence why I’m staying away for my MH for now

That's why my policy - stated on my profile - is quick meet after chatting. A friend of mine had three months of lovely chat before he asked her for money!

It's so easy getting sucked in when the attention and loveliness is there and someone's thinking of you. That's what we're all looking fir after all...

Bbub I think he probably had seen me, I live in quite a small town!

Yeah exactly
I think I started it wanting one thing and then I got totally sucked into the ‘having a boyfriend ‘ feeling

I was happier before I started it to be honest
Hate this heartbroken feeling
Ugh !!!!!

@WeWantTheFinestWines I agree, should meet up quickly and then ask for money

@Walkingalot I can’t deal with bad music, but feel like a terrible person for thinking it matters, so I would really be hunting hard for redeeming characteristics.

Curiosity got the better of me and I rejoined Tinder again (twice this week)🙄. Mr Cricket isn't on there so I guess he was telling me the truth about deleting his profile and nor is Computer Geek so maybe he has too.

Still depressing as hell.

[quote HairyArsedMan]@WeWantTheFinestWines I agree, should meet up quickly and then ask for money

@Walkingalot I can’t deal with bad music, but feel like a terrible person for thinking it matters, so I would really be hunting hard for redeeming characteristics.[/quote]

🤣🤣🤣

A guy in my walking group who I've chatted to a few times asked me out today. First he said "I'm always up for a night out, drop me a line", then "when we get back to the car we'll have to compare calendars and find a date we can have a night out" then at the car "so are you up for cinema, gig, night out or just a meal, why don't I take your number and text you" so I gave him my number.
He sounds keen, eh?

I'm upset, irrationally, about something with MrWG. Not his fault or anything he's done really. But someone in the walking group had a drinks party last night. I didn't know. She lives quite near me and she's recently had a broken ankle for which I sent her flowers. I wasn't invited to the drinks. MrWG was, he's known them far longer than me and been away with them etc. But I'm a bit upset I wasn't invited (I suppose I don't know them that well and you have to draw the line somewhere especially in a big hobby group, but I thought as they've recently moved they are trying to make more local friends, I live far closer than he does) but also that he didn't mention it and, if we were dating, I could have gone with him (which is probably why he didn't mention it). This is making me reflect a bit on whether what he's offering is right for me. (He didn't take anyone and left quite early according to the person I was chatting to on the walk today who did go).

An ex colleague who I've always really liked has got in touch to meet up in London when I'm next in for work. Last time I saw him, a couple of years ago, he was with someone. We've never quite managed to be in the right place at the right time for a relationship, though we did shag a few times, so who knows..... He sent me a birthday message out of the blue this year. He remembers my birthday after all these years (I left that job in 2009).

And now I need to do the input to my seven Tinder chats, though at least two are being culled pretty quickly I think.

I really cant handle it, I swear going on there is like a trigger for me I’m usually the most positive person but as soon as I go back on tinder I experience a constant low level feeling of dread and anxiety. It’s like a switch flicks and it only goes once I delete the dambed thing again which I have - I am just gonna have to accept once and for all that I can’t do the online dating it is just not for me.

Gonna have to be like Tom Daley and take up knitting to occupy my mind 😄 or just keep decorating the crap out of the house!!!

That’s horrendous @BelladiMamma why don’t these weirdos just take no for an answer. Some sort of psycho having to have the very last word 🙄

Whats the guy in the walking group like @VanGoghsDog? Do you think he seems nice?

@VanGoghsDog walking group woman with the busted ankle is a bitch. Glad MrWG left, he’s clearly keen on you not her!

@Shayelle2009 that's exactly how I feel, I was feeling really good these past couple of days(sorted things out with Mr Cricket, completed my new study/office, started to finally get to the bottom of why I feel like I do about myself), then I signed up to tinder earlier and my mood has changed. Now I'm wondering why I don't have any matches and what is wrong with me.

You will get matches @Isitreallyme177 sometimes they take a while to come through if you’ve just joined. I had a few today but I just feel too freaked out to talk to anyone. Too much anxiety thinking everyone on there is a psycho and I just don’t want to bring any of that crap into my life!

Why is tinder so bad ?
I don’t know the answer either
Other than you wonder why men join as they don’t seem to actually want to talk or meet anyone

It’s so weird

[quote Shuffleuplove]@VanGoghsDog walking group woman with the busted ankle is a bitch. Glad MrWG left, he’s clearly keen on you not her![/quote]
No, she's really not, that's not fair. There's a "core group" who really have known each other for many years and MrWG is a founder member of the group so he does get invited to everything.

He wouldn't be "keen on her", she's at least ten years older and lives with her partner, also in the group.

I just feel sad I thought I had made friends with her and also if we were a "couple" it would have been nice to go together. Maybe he didn't mention to me so as not to upset me. But it has made me reflect.

I just think it’s online dating in general @Thisisworsethananticpated.. I know people are be lucky and meet good people on there but I think i’m just too guarded and fucked up in general had too many bad experiences with men and don’t trust anyone, no point me being on there.

@Shayelle2009

Whats the guy in the walking group like *@VanGoghsDog*? Do you think he seems nice?

He seems lovely. We always have a laugh and a bit of a tease together. I've chatted to him on s new walks now. I'm not sure I'm really attracted to him but we'll see. It's hard to tell when you only see people in sweaty scruffs. It's nice to be asked out in RL, less fake than the apps where it's all forcing you into quick decisions.