Dating thread 209: Summer of Love 2021

[BelladiMamma]

I've put a screenshot of the RULES here

Dear newbies and oldies they're excellent words of wisdom and deserve to be read frequently

Here's to all of us navigating the sea of twats, the tsunami of penpals and the ever receding tide of ghosters

Let's kick them into touch and have a summer of love ❤️

@Shuffleuplove

Honesty is the best policy I think.

How much more honest though? I've told them once or twice already. Or do I s'en done more closure message along the lines of I'm too tired to deal with you and I'm not sure we are going to become friends - or just block?

BeardFlake mentioned the other day that I'm 'a real catch so be gentle with anyone that's interested'. Yes that is #humblebragalert but aren't we all a catch compared to the sea of twats?

*send

but aren't we all a catch compared to the sea of twats? wise and poetic.

You could try the “just taking a break from things for a while, it’s me not you, wishing you all the best.”

@BelladiMamma

I’d contact the guy who is going to the gigs and say you’re stressed and need some time to focus on yourself and family so won’t be responding to messages

And the one you haven’t met I’d ignore or block.

@SpringlikeBunk @Shuffleuplove I combined both your advice, sent sign off messages and blocked on WhatsApp and unmatched on bumble. I just don't have the mental space. I was polite and honest

Well done you. That’s self care. How do you feel?

@Shuffleuplove

Well done you. That’s self care. How do you feel?

Thanks 💜

My cousin who's an A&E nurse has diagnosed me from a distance with trapped nerve in back, ongoing concussion and ptsd. Great!

I've had long chats with a couple of horsey friends and also BeardFlake. I'm writing down a lot of what's going on in my head and trying to separate everything out into bite sized pieces.

To take my mind off it I also had a long conversation with my friend who's husband is in Afghanistan. If i were feeling better I'd be straight up there looking after her because she is in a really bad way. The news coming out of there is hellish

@BelladiMamma I work with PCS in my role if a chat would be helpful. Sounds like the multi dating/chatting is taking its toll a bit?

@Naimee87 thanks for asking. The kids have been keeping me busy along with a trip to see family which was lovely. Miracle of miracles I've got 2 chats on the go... Possibly talking to one on the phone this evening who I've connected well with on messages so far...

[quote Misty9]@BelladiMamma I work with PCS in my role if a chat would be helpful. Sounds like the multi dating/chatting is taking its toll a bit?

@Naimee87 thanks for asking. The kids have been keeping me busy along with a trip to see family which was lovely. Miracle of miracles I've got 2 chats on the go... Possibly talking to one on the phone this evening who I've connected well with on messages so far...[/quote]
Hi 👋🏻 yes all help / advice is welcome.

I think the dating is a distraction ... and not always in a good way x

Feel free to pm me and we can sort something :)

Update from me - I finished things with MrHair today. Feeling sad but I know its the right thing. He was his usual lovely self about it but I still feel like a prize bitch

@Misty9

Feel free to pm me and we can sort something :)

I'll try to figure out how to do that on the app x

@MayEye oh I totally know what you mean I can't imagine anything worse than specialising with a bunch of 20-something's!

I wonder if they can't pull their own age and someone told them that us oldies will be well up for it 😂😂

@Shuffleuplove 🤣🤣🤣 omg that's hilarious🤭

@Slothmomma

Update from me - I finished things with MrHair today. Feeling sad but I know its the right thing. He was his usual lovely self about it but I still feel like a prize bitch

I'm sorry you're feeling crap. What decided you in the end? X

Thanks @BelladiMamma. I continued to have sleepless nights mulling it over - which I wouldn't need to if he were right for me. He is lovely and I'm unlikely to find anyone who genuinely cares for me as much as he does but I just felt something missing and it wouldn't have been fair on him to continue

Evening all

A quick update from me. I've decided not to pursue Mr Accountant as I didn't enjoy our telephone conversation and am trying to listen to my inner voice a bit more and not get bogged down in connections that are not bringing me joy.

I matched with someone else last week, I was away and now he's away so we've agreed to message next week. He had a very interesting bio but I'm now staring to worry his photos were headshots only. After @WeWantTheFinestWines post about her last date zero, I'm worried he might be trying to hide something dodgy!

At the other end of the spectrum I got back on Bumble today and matched with a man with a good selection of photos who ticked all my boxes physically. I got all excited only for him to immediately unmatch me after I messaged him . This is the second time this has happened to me in a week! I'm wondering if my "hello" message is turning people off me?

I'm finding Bumble really disappointing at the moment tbh. Lots of lazy"ask me anything" bios and weird, can't really be arsed photos. I'm feeling a little jaded this evening all in all. Hope everyone is is having better luck.

@Slothmomma you know when you know, imo. Life is too short to compromise!

So, a nice evening with MrWG (he texted at six fifteen to say he was "free now, but waiting for shower to be free unless he could come and shower at mine" which was an odd question because he has showered at mine nearly every time he's been here. I said of course, he then turned up about half past eight, he lives about half an hour away, with some story about having to go and collect his debit card he had left somewhere [to be fair he had mentioned on Thu that he'd left his debit card somewhere], but he did bring flowers again).
I made him make me risotto under my direction.

MrBee, who texted Fri asking did I want to meet up again, after I said yes and what did he have in mind just told me he was free that night (Fri). I was pissed off that he had no suggestions and also that it was last minute, and I had plans anyway, so I didn't respond.

Anyway, he texted this morning saying he doesn't think he's relationship material but if I want to meet up for walks as friends he'd like that.
I replied that I struggle with last minute requests because I have plans and am busy. And I wished him good luck for whatever he is looking for (basically, I really doubt want another friend). That makes life a bit easier.

Got three new Tinder chats started tonight.

@Languidleopard

Yeh that feeling of ennui is quite common isn't it - initally there's that adrenalin rush "ISN'T IS GREAT BEING SINGLE WITH ALL THESE LOVELY BACHELORS?!"

then you realise the "shiny new matches" aren't all that.

10 matches =

5 non repliers

• 2 fizzlers out

• 1 "want to see my willy"

• 1 "secret weird negative fact that he kept hidden from his profile"

• 0.75 "can't keep a conversation"

Think you're doing 100% the right thing though by "pushing through the loneliness barrier" and not accepting someone you don't want just for the sake of company.

I'm feeling the loneliness a bit tonight so just trying to sit through it myself

@Languidleopard I have to admit I never reply to “hello” messages. I just think they should be a bit more original. I don’t ever send the first message either. I prefer them to come to me.

Thanks @SpringlikeBunk 😊

It actually really helps to know this is a universal experience. And yes, I know I just can't accept someone for the sake of it, but it's sometimes harder than other days to sit with the loneliness.

No dick pics yet, so there's that to be grateful for I suppose!

[quote Shuffleuplove]@Languidleopard I have to admit I never reply to “hello” messages. I just think they should be a bit more original. I don’t ever send the first message either. I prefer them to come to me.[/quote]
Thanks @Shuffleuplove I'm on Bumble so women have to message first, and I actually quite like that.

I always try and send something other than 'hello' too, asking them about something in their bio or their photos...maybe that's what's freaking them out!

I guess ultimately that's what I'm like IRL and they either like it or they don't.

I know what you mean about the generic hello. It wouldn't impress me much. First guy I ever matched with only ever sent me good morning or good evening and it did my head in. I gave him a chance, but he got the thanks but no thanks message from me after a couple of days of it 😁

Oh I’m not cut out for this multi chatting thing! I’m talking to new iron since last night. He’s great, sparks flying, dying to meet him. I’ll call him Mr Fashion.
Low key iron Mr Lumberjack is away with friends, have a date with him Monday evening so didn’t expect to hear from him, but he checked in this evening telling me he was listening to particular music he had noted I liked from my profile - so lovely also as he notices things, plans things, is not all intense and in my face!
Mr Fashion wants to meet also Monday before he heads away then I’m away. I’ve said lunchtime but I feel so guilty that I have another date planned for that evening.

I also feel guilty that Mr Intense, who has gone quiet because he is with family, doesn’t know about any of these other irons.
The one I want to see the most is Mr Fashion but I know eggs in one basket not good so I should keep my options open.
And guilt is a totally wasted emotion right???
Help

@Languidleopard bumble has been truly awful for me. One match in a week who was many miles away somehow and didn't reply.

Tinder has been much better but they're quite dull so far.

Got hopes for one guy who's quite close, not my usual type but something keeps drawing me to him. However admits he's rarely online on tinder so messaging sporadic! Mr Old I'll call him as he's older by far than my usual.

Then there's Mr Fit who's very keen but wanted to meet tomorrow evening and I don't know if I'll be back in time from premade plans so then went quiet. Weird. That's pretty last minute! Also a little far away I think.

Then Mr Short. I'm not heightist but so many men around 5'7 have a hang up about it. I'm short but I don't. He got really ratty when I asked how tall he was so I said I'll guess you're 5'7 in that case and he replied Almost 5'8 actually

And on I go....

Want to meet Mr Old as he's intriguing me with his chilled handsomeness, but two messages a day isn't exactly burning holes in my knickers

Ventured back onto tinder after reading the success stories going on here at the minute. Scared though 😩 what the hell am I doing… I wish someone could just do this all for me… arrrgghhh 🥺