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Original poster

How many here are single, open to meeting someone but not doing OLD?

423 replies

TossaCoinToYerWitcher · 31/07/2021 16:52

Just wondered. As a single bloke, it often seems that if you're not doing OLD you're missing out on meeting the right person, as that'll be where any single person looking for a relationship will be. But maybe that's not the case?

OP posts:
OnlyMsLonely · 31/07/2021 17:03

I would gladly not do OLD if it was an option. I think unless you have a social life/job/hobby that brings different people across your path regularly it's hard to meet new people any other way these days. And of course successive lockdowns have shrunk our worlds (well it has mine anyway). I went crawling back to OLD during lockdown 2 just to have some human interaction - even if it meant Zooming a stranger!

PollyIndia · 31/07/2021 17:22

Me! I can't do OLD. I did download hinge but it made me feel stressed as I just don't have the time to have lots of conversations with people, and I am a 100% lone parent so the thought of getting a babysitter for a rare night out to meet someone I don't know just wasn't appealing. I'm not very good at asking people out in real life though, but am working on it :)

My best mate is a machine though. She's a 43 year old single mum and meets people all the time IRL as she is completely easy about just asking people out. We went to a festival with our kids recently and she met a guy there who she went on a few dates with, then snogged 2 guys at a festival without our kids - tbf none were dating material but at least she is having fun and out there. She has also asked the brother of a mum friend out in the past, met a guy in a coffee shop and someone else on linkedin that she worked with years ago. I think the key is to just be open to things, to chat to people and if you feel anything at all, to ask. If they say no, never mind, nothing lost.

That's what i am trying to tell myself anyway!

virgospirit · 31/07/2021 17:23

Yep, I know what you mean. Single guy here. Ive been single for 7yrs now and never logged into a dating site in my life and have no intention of doing so!

OnlyMsLonely · 31/07/2021 17:26

@PollyIndia

Me! I can't do OLD. I did download hinge but it made me feel stressed as I just don't have the time to have lots of conversations with people, and I am a 100% lone parent so the thought of getting a babysitter for a rare night out to meet someone I don't know just wasn't appealing. I'm not very good at asking people out in real life though, but am working on it :)

My best mate is a machine though. She's a 43 year old single mum and meets people all the time IRL as she is completely easy about just asking people out. We went to a festival with our kids recently and she met a guy there who she went on a few dates with, then snogged 2 guys at a festival without our kids - tbf none were dating material but at least she is having fun and out there. She has also asked the brother of a mum friend out in the past, met a guy in a coffee shop and someone else on linkedin that she worked with years ago. I think the key is to just be open to things, to chat to people and if you feel anything at all, to ask. If they say no, never mind, nothing lost.

That's what i am trying to tell myself anyway!

Wow! Does your friend want to side line as a dating coach Wink?
OnlyMsLonely · 31/07/2021 17:29

@virgospirit

Yep, I know what you mean. Single guy here. Ive been single for 7yrs now and never logged into a dating site in my life and have no intention of doing so!
How do you meet people? I'm intrigued! I'd love to come off OLD so any tips welcome.
Tiddleztheelephant · 31/07/2021 17:32

Me!
Well I've been single for 8 years, I'm not looking exactly as I quite enjoy being single but I'm open to the possibility of meeting somebody, hate OLD though, it just seems to be far too much hassle for a coffee with a stranger.

antwacky · 31/07/2021 17:33

I've been on my own almost ten years now but it's only been the past few months that I've even considered the possibility of meeting someone. I just can't bring myself to even consider OLD, I wouldn't knock anyone else for trying it but it's not for me. I wouldn't be looking for marriage etc but something lighthearted and friendly would be great.

marly11 · 31/07/2021 17:47

Yep me. I just can't face it. Met my previous partner of 15 years through OLD and I think I was trying too hard to find someone and then 'made him fit' - he really wasn't a good match looking back. I don't feel desperate to meet someone now, have had my family and have no desire to mix a new relationship with that. Plus I really don't fancy potentially meeting men who are in fact married etc but are not saying so. I would like some thing casual, friendly and occasional. I haven't quite got my head around how that might happen if I continue to avoid OLD, but am hoping through friends perhaps, work.. at a push, or arts events once things continue to open up, assuming they do. Though I do slightly worry that as I get older maybe I will have less choice, so perhaps I should make more of an effort now.

PumpkinKlNG · 31/07/2021 18:01

Been single for 5 years, would like to date but don’t want to use OLD

PollyIndia · 31/07/2021 18:03

OnlyMsLonely - she should!
Although arguably she is too open, I am too closed off and the ideal would be somewhere between us!!

Ceriane · 31/07/2021 18:04

Me. I’m open to a relationship if it happens in real life but not going to stress myself out with online dating.

Goquietly · 31/07/2021 18:19

Me! Same reasons as everyone else really...

Windmillwhirl · 31/07/2021 18:23

I'm single and have met people OLD in the past. I don't want to do it again as I am enjoying my newly-found singleton and OLD is ruthless. I'm 48 and most men online in my experience lie about their age once they hit 50. The men that say they are my age often look well into their 60s.

With lockdown over I'm going to make an effort to go out more and re-engage in life. Cant wait to travel again and have always been OK doing that on my own.

OLD would be my last option to be honest and even at that I think I'd have to really have exhausted all other avenues.

In the past when I wanted a relationship I turned to OLD but it has never worked out for me long term.

ChloeAndRadcliffe · 31/07/2021 18:26

I tried doing all the things you're meant to do to meet single men, but none of them worked! I work in a job where there are a lot more men than women but they turned out all to be either too old or already married - not a single eligible bachelor to be found. I joined various interest groups and again, only coupled-up men there. I started doing OLD because of a lack of other options but I feel like, at age 42, I've simply missed out by not bagging a guy when I was younger, and now all the decent ones are already taken. I honestly don't know what the answer is or where other women my age find dates. I don't want to start approaching men in person because I'm useless at figuring out whether they're interested or just being polite!

Stealthynamechange · 31/07/2021 18:28

Me! Can't stand OLD & hate wasting hours of my life that, would rather be happily single :-)

EBearhug · 31/07/2021 18:37

Last time I did OLD, I got one response in a year. I really don't think I'm actually that repulsive. Now I hear the tales of friends doing OLD, and it doesn't sell it to me. Men all seem to be such dicks, and don't seem to be interested in showing what they have to offer. They have to be better than me spending my time alone for me to want to invest time in them, and so many go from saying hello to how they want feel their dick in you or something without even trying to find out if we have enough in common to manage a conversation in a coffee shop first. And if that's what is on offer, I'd rather go for a swim or do some gardening or the laundry or something worthwhile.

On the other hand, if D at work and I ever get to be in the same location, I am totally up for it with him.

whatisthisinhere · 31/07/2021 18:41

Yes, this is me. But sadly, at the moment I don't get to meet anyone anyway. I've tried OLD and it just seems like such a chore. All theses people game playing, either they send you too many messages or don't reply. Then when you meet them, they often don't look like their picture, you have to weed out the ones that are attached and lying, and the ones that lie about their height, their age. It's all so exhausting. I refuse to pay for a babysitter just to meet up with someone who disappoints me. So unless it's a daytime coffee, it's not going to happen. I have an online profile, but don't even use it.

And quite frankly, I think I'm set in my ways now (I've reached that age), I don't know how I'd fit anyone in my life, unless they were exactly like me 🙄

Roblox01 · 31/07/2021 18:59

Another bloke here. With work and kids I don't have that much time for a 'social life' and that's ignoring the much smaller social circle since Covid hit.

I think it depends on the person. An extrovert probably can do without OLD if they get opportunities. An introvert (like me) less likely.

I think as well when you're older (I'm 40) the chance of meeting someone compatible is less likely to start with (e.g you don't want kids / they do etc). That's people around my age.

I suppose its down to the individual but if I joined a running group (as that's my hobby) I'd be very conscious of.the women thinking I was.doing it to check out what options there are. But if there are groups that women join to keep an eye out for a man I'm all ears!

TheFormidableMrsC · 31/07/2021 19:16

@TossaCoinToYerWitcher

Just wondered. As a single bloke, it often seems that if you're not doing OLD you're missing out on meeting the right person, as that'll be where any single person looking for a relationship will be. But maybe that's not the case?
Me. I don't know what the answer is though. I am a single parent in the truest sense and going out is difficult. There has been no reason for me to do OLD as I know I won't be able to give much of my time. I have been single for 8 years and it feels endless at times. I'd like to meet somebody who would be flexible and keep hoping that might happen one day! I don't know how though.
OnlyMsLonely · 31/07/2021 19:20

@Roblox01 I can confirm that extroversion is no advantage (I'm an extreme extrovert) if you don't have opportunity. I agree that age is a factor. I literally gave up throughout my 40s (I'm now 51) as all the men I met either wanted their own children (I didn't by that stage) or they wanted to date people without child constraints so that they could be 'spontaneous'. I can say that OLD in 50s is better on one level (there's a lot of choice) but I liken it to shopping in a charity shop - you have to sift through the cr*p (married men and liars) to find the gems. My approach is that I'm only looking for one man - there's bound to be one good man in there somewhere, and now that I have more time (grown up child) what do I have to lose by going out for a few coffees? Grin

OnlyMsLonely · 31/07/2021 19:22

@TheFormidableMrsC that's exactly where I was a few years ago (single parent 100% of the time). It's tough - I empathise!

AllTheSingleLadiess · 31/07/2021 19:30

Me 🤚
I'm single (guess the name gives it away) and not on dating apps.

Roblox01 · 31/07/2021 19:39

[quote OnlyMsLonely]**@Roblox01* I can confirm that extroversion is no advantage (I'm an extreme extrovert) if you don't have opportunity. I agree that age is a factor. I literally gave up throughout my 40s (I'm now 51) as all the men I met either wanted their own children (I didn't by that stage) or they wanted to date people without child constraints so that they could be 'spontaneous'. I can say that OLD in 50s is better on one level (there's a lot of choice) but I liken it to shopping in a charity shop - you have to sift through the crp (married men and liars) to find the gems. My approach is that I'm only looking for one man - there's bound to be one good man in there somewhere, and now that I have more time (grown up child) what do I have to lose by going out for a few coffees? Grin[/quote]
Yeah I kind of assume that the dating pool is a bit small around my age as many are raising kids either as a couple or doing it on their own. Kind of hoping it is a bit easier when get closer to 50, which will be when kids have grown up.

That's kind of my hope as well. I just need one good one (that isn't too far away!).

AllTheSingleLadiess · 31/07/2021 19:43

My kids are teens so I can go out in the evening without a babysitter but can't do overnights or invite people overnight because they are teens and nocturnal.

inmyslippers · 31/07/2021 19:45

I really wanted to meet someone naturally but never go anywhere