Page 5 | How many here are single, open to meeting someone but not doing OLD?

TossaCoinToYerWitcher · 2021-07-31T15:52:17+00:00

Just wondered. As a single bloke, it often seems that if you're not doing OLD you're missing out on meeting the right person, as that'll be where any single person looking for a relationship will be. But maybe that's not the case?

66babe · 01/08/2021 22:22

@virgospirit they clearly have no intention of actually meeting up
I've swore blind I'll never do it again but if I do I will advertise myself as a stunning 25 year old supermodel
🤨

Gwenhwyfar · 01/08/2021 22:28

"@virgospirit This is so funny to read. i am same height as you, and don't have any heightist issues at all. "

Yes, but 5'4 isn't particularly short for a woman.

PearlFriday · 02/08/2021 08:11

[quote virgospirit]@friendlyflicka - it’s because so many men feel that being tall is the winning card, that they won’t be taken seriously unless they’re viewed as tall, so make out they’re taller than they really are, total insecurity right there. The weird thing is, what on earth makes these people think others won’t notice?!? They probably have bad posture as well.[/quote]
Oh this is so true. I read a few profiles that were just ''six foot'' and no effort to come across warm, funny or intelligent, or honest. Just ''IM SIX FOOT''.

Obviously if that's ALL there was to it, they wouldn't be on a dating site.

ChloeAndRadcliffe · 02/08/2021 08:35

Sometimes you get "Six foot, because apparently that matters". Immediate swipe left for passive aggressive nonsense.

PearlFriday · 02/08/2021 08:43

oh yes! eugh.. "i've got what you women are looking for, you're all so shallow, but yet I'm bringing attention to it myself''.

User135644 · 02/08/2021 08:44

This is exactly the same in the pub!

Yes. Difference in bars at least is people can be more receptive to meeting others (even if it's just the alcohol effect).

OLD is full of shopping lists and checklists and 'next', people are dehumanised.

PearlFriday · 02/08/2021 08:46

Yes, that's it. In real life, who knows what you'd overlook, but it's your choice because you were genuinely won over. I'm never going on OLD again.

User135644 · 02/08/2021 08:49

@ChloeAndRadcliffe

Sometimes you get "Six foot, because apparently that matters". Immediate swipe left for passive aggressive nonsense.

Only about 1 in 5 men are over 6 foot anyway. A lot less with older adults.

ChloeAndRadcliffe · 02/08/2021 08:57

I don't care about height, I was just saying how much I dislike that turn of phrase. I would go on a date with a man of any height, both if he had put his height on his profile and if he hadn't, but certainly not if he'd phrased it in that chippy, nobbish way.

User135644 · 02/08/2021 09:07

@ChloeAndRadcliffe

Men take it too much to heart because a lot of women have on their profile variations of "don't bother if under 6 feet", so that's why a lot of men make out they're 6 foot plus to try and qualify themselves.

It's too overstated though because 80%+ of men are under 6 foot.

ChloeAndRadcliffe · 02/08/2021 09:37

A lot of men have "slim" on their profiles under their list of wants, and I'm not slim, so I simply don't bother messaging those ones. I don't put "I'm a fat cow, BECAUSE APPARENTLY THAT MATTERS" and lecture them about the fact that the majority of women in the UK are overweight, so they're being too picky. They're limiting their dating options, but that's up to them - people like what they like and nobody is owed a date. I wouldn't dream of telling someone that their personal preferences are wrong .

EBearhug · 02/08/2021 09:49

I suspect if I were a tall woman, 5'10" or something, I might be more bothered about the only over 6' thing. But I'm not, I'm a very average 5'4", so I'm not so bothered about height.

Nightmarenextdoor · 02/08/2021 10:02

I'm 48, single and I do OLD because I just don't meet men any other way but it's a shallow, soul destroying world and I hate it.

PearlFriday · 02/08/2021 10:05

Is it worth it? I've been much happier since I gave up trying to meet somebody. I accepted being single and decided to focus on being braver.

I still have teenagers so in a couple of years, I plan to go away on holidays (not necessarily solo holidays, but maybe).

I would like a local tribe though.

Original poster

TossaCoinToYerWitcher · 02/08/2021 10:09

I’ve read a study that allegedly claims women prefer a partner who’s 8 inches taller than them, on average. For men it’s three inches shorter. It is what it is. I’m 5foot 10, which is average height for a guy, so it can rankle a bit that that someone who’s 5 foot 4 would write me off just because I’m an inch or two off an arbitrary benchmark but whatever. It only really annoys me when some women point out some men can be shallow about weight, bust size, etc and then claim having a preference for people over 6ft is completely different - it becomes “you can’t help who you’re attracted to” instead. That, and going on a date with a 5ft 2 woman who then proceeded to try and catch the eye of every 6ft plus guy who walked into the bar. And then was upset when I made excuses to leave early.

OP posts:

Sakurami · 02/08/2021 10:12

People on OLD are just like people in real life. Most won't be for you and vice versa, just like in real life. Some will be idiots, just like in real life and some will be lovely but not for you for a relationship, just like in real life.

The advantage is that you can get to know them and ask them questions in a way that you don't tend to do in real life.

The disadvantage is that people can lie or only show you part of themselves.

But if you don't treat it too seriously and you have fun and are patient and don't put up with shit, it is a great way of meeting people.

With me it was either OLD or nothing as I'm not in an environment where it is easy to meet people.

ChloeAndRadcliffe · 02/08/2021 10:14

@PearlFriday I live alone so, although I'm very used to it and would still rather be on my own than in a shit relationship, I wouldn't be human if I didn't get lonely sometimes. Knowing that there's nobody waiting at home and that I'll definitely be watching Netflix by myself is fine for about 95% of the time but I find at this time of year, when I see families and couples out and about together, I do feel a bit isolated and freakish.

anthurium · 02/08/2021 10:28

Some really interesting comments!

I did OLD on/off for 3 years, I was 36-39 at the time. I had the added complication of also looking for a partner to have a family with. I did meet someone with whom I had chemistry and attraction however we were at different life stages so ultimately it didn't work out. Before that, I'd met previous partners IRL however those relationships weren't any more superior (including a marriage that broke down), it just appears now looking retrospectively that I was in the right place at the right time and we were both single. It seemed 'easier' to meet a partner, but not necessarily a better one. The person I dated for 2 years is still in my life - we really wouldn't have met as he is younger than me and moves and works in completely different circles. We really had nothing in common but we got on as people, that's what matters to me when I look back.

I have since pursued IVF via sperm donor and will have my family (albeit in a non conventional way). Would I consider online dating again? Yes, I think I would. Yes, there were dull dates, weird messages, ghosting etc but I don't know whether I took the rejections/micro aggressions so badly because I was afraid of missing out on motherhood (as I then was in a particular frame of mind how these things should be)? Meeting someone you have a good connection with as well as emotional and sexual intimacy is difficult under the best circumstances.

friendlyflicka · 02/08/2021 10:45

[quote Gwenhwyfar]"@virgospirit This is so funny to read. i am same height as you, and don't have any heightist issues at all. "

Yes, but 5'4 isn't particularly short for a woman. [/quote]
Obviously. I am not thick! I was saying I don't care how tall a man is. All my family is full of small men. All my house is very low with low doorways. I mean as far as a date is concerned I have no issues about the height of a man...

friendlyflicka · 02/08/2021 10:52

@Gingerninja4

Tried OLD wither get the weird ones who think I'm either desperate or they seems have thing /fetish about fact am full time wheelchair user

Or people can't see beyond the wheelchair and think I'm looking for a carer .Which am not am happy and mange life completely fine as single parent with no extra help .To be honest I rather not live with man full time

I like to travel and do own thing so if meet someone that way then fine but also happy to be single

I wondered what it was like for people with physical disabilities. I have bipolar and medicated and very stable and responsible. But it feels like some ugly secret that I have to drop in at some point. After that, sometimes people are fine; some people run for the hills very obviously.

I have lots of self harm scars from 30 years ago on my arms and I hide them until I have had that conversation - I find it really difficult - the worst part of dating online.

And my illness has shaped the course of my entire life so I don't really come across as a whole person without it being included.

Other than my illness I am very datable: attractive slim solvent chatty etc, but I feel it as a huge weight which is why I think I dislike online dating. Along with many other reasons!

PearlFriday · 02/08/2021 11:01

[quote ChloeAndRadcliffe]@PearlFriday I live alone so, although I'm very used to it and would still rather be on my own than in a shit relationship, I wouldn't be human if I didn't get lonely sometimes. Knowing that there's nobody waiting at home and that I'll definitely be watching Netflix by myself is fine for about 95% of the time but I find at this time of year, when I see families and couples out and about together, I do feel a bit isolated and freakish.[/quote]
I know what you mean and I'm aware that although my DC seem like the obstacle to my freedom right now, maybe in about 6 years I'll be alone too much and realising that freedom on its own can only give you so much if you've nobody to enjoy it with. I do worry about that , a little. But..........

MagentaSea · 02/08/2021 13:14

@EBearhug

I suspect if I were a tall woman, 5'10" or something, I might be more bothered about the only over 6' thing. But I'm not, I'm a very average 5'4", so I'm not so bothered about height.

This. I am a tall woman and I am attracted to men that are taller than me. In my case that unfortunately rules out lots of men. If I were 5'2" it would rule out very few.

DreamAboutSleep · 02/08/2021 13:23

My children are 3 and 4 and I've been single for almost 3 years. I am happy being single but would also be happy to meet someone nice, as long as they were ok with no moving in together etc. But can't see it happening and couldn't face OLD. I am tall and slim and have a great job etc but I'm shy and sensitive and don't think I could cope with it emotionally when I've heard so many horror stories. People can be really mean and unpleasant and disrespectful and I don't have the emotional bandwidth to voluntarily subject myself to that, so either I'll meet someone randomly in the street etc, or I won't.

DreamAboutSleep · 02/08/2021 13:26

I do worry though as a PP mentioned that as my children become more independent it'll be rather lonely. But mostly it's fine, I have friends and like my own company and space. It's mainly at Christmas or holidays that it feels a but lonely. I think it would be hard to find someone who was my match in terms of what they want from a relationship and personality and values etc through OLD as it all seems very superficial.

TheFormidableMrsC · 02/08/2021 13:28

@TossaCoinToYerWitcher

I’ve read a study that allegedly claims women prefer a partner who’s 8 inches taller than them, on average. For men it’s three inches shorter. It is what it is. I’m 5foot 10, which is average height for a guy, so it can rankle a bit that that someone who’s 5 foot 4 would write me off just because I’m an inch or two off an arbitrary benchmark but whatever. It only really annoys me when some women point out some men can be shallow about weight, bust size, etc and then claim having a preference for people over 6ft is completely different - it becomes “you can’t help who you’re attracted to” instead. That, and going on a date with a 5ft 2 woman who then proceeded to try and catch the eye of every 6ft plus guy who walked into the bar. And then was upset when I made excuses to leave early.

That is so rude! You dodged a bullet there I would say. 5'10 is perfectly fine. I'm 5'5 and would be happy with that. I don't consider it short at all. People are weird. The more I read on here the more I'm put off of doing OLD