Page 16 | How many here are single, open to meeting someone but not doing OLD?

TossaCoinToYerWitcher · 2021-07-31T15:52:17+00:00

Just wondered. As a single bloke, it often seems that if you're not doing OLD you're missing out on meeting the right person, as that'll be where any single person looking for a relationship will be. But maybe that's not the case?

Misty9 · 10/08/2021 15:44

Well, against my better judgement I've gone back on one site. So far I have 7 matches but not one of them has messaged! Why can't I message first, I hear you say? Because when I do that it's either no response or lacklustre at best. Guys on this thread - if you match do you message usually?

I give up.

66babe · 10/08/2021 15:46

@JustAnother0ldMan is that you Neil ? If it is can you please return my Debbie Harry autobiography.. any time , thanks

Roblox01 · 10/08/2021 15:52

@Misty9

Well, against my better judgement I've gone back on one site. So far I have 7 matches but not one of them has messaged! Why can't I message first, I hear you say? Because when I do that it's either no response or lacklustre at best. Guys on this thread - if you match do you message usually?

I give up.

Yes. I think its only courteous. Even if say due to location it looks like it wouldn't work.

JustAnother0ldMan · 10/08/2021 15:55

@66babe, weirdly enough I am a ‘Neil’, but pretty sure I don’t have your Debbie Harry autobiography, so probably not the ‘Neil’ you are thinking off, but I do like Blondie, ( Parallel Lines was a great album), I’ve a ‘Rocket’ Ron Haslam autobiography if fancy reading that…

66babe · 10/08/2021 15:57

Oh vroom vroom ! Sounds fab 🤣

Roblox01 · 10/08/2021 16:12

The thing I don't get with the messaging is Bumble. You match, they don't message and the time runs out. I understand if you match and they unmatch you or something like that. But to just let the time run out.

It's quite a common occurrence.

JustAnother0ldMan · 10/08/2021 16:15

@Misty9

Well, against my better judgement I've gone back on one site. So far I have 7 matches but not one of them has messaged! Why can't I message first, I hear you say? Because when I do that it's either no response or lacklustre at best. Guys on this thread - if you match do you message usually?

I give up.

Hmm… sometimes yes, sometimes I like to wait a day or 2 and if the person will reach out.

@Misty9, Same question back to you, I’ve had a few women like my profile, but not responsed to me when I reach out what’s that all about ?

Misty9 · 10/08/2021 16:19

@JustAnother0ldMan I don't know I'm afraid as I always respond, even if to say thanks but no thanks. Not that I get the chance very often!

MayEye · 10/08/2021 16:39

If I’ve liked a profile and they message me I will always respond. If I match I’ll reassess and decide whether I should message first or not, but if they message I will respond.
If I get an unsolicited hi or some kind of lewd message from someone I probably won’t respond as I don’t want to get into a discussion about why I don’t want to chat to them. The majority of my messages on pof fall into the latter category. For example I have about 10 matches on tinder since Sunday and only 3 have progressed to a chat and only one is still going ( as far as I know!)

66babe · 10/08/2021 17:11

I wish one of us had the knowledge skill and finances to set up an OLD site for decent adult communicative healthy funny intelligent people
I've loved this thread but would still rather bash myself over the head with a frying pan to join up again to what is out there

Nightmarenextdoor · 10/08/2021 17:28

I’m taking a break from OLD again, it’s just so disheartening and it’s not doing me any good - you really do need a thick skin and then some.

What would you realistically need to set up a new kind of site or other way of meeting people? I’m sure with the range of skills people on here have it wouldn’t be an impossibility.

EducatingArti · 10/08/2021 17:39

[quote MayEye]@CheesePlantMurderer I do think the OLD dynamic is very sex focussed and in your case you might struggle to find someone with similar values online. If you are clear on your profile about the type of relationship you want, you might strike it lucky. Do you have a Christian community that you belong to? as you would need the in person connection with like minded people more than most I would say.[/quote]
The Christian community I belong to is lovely but there are extremely few single men older than 30. I think this is quite common for most church situations.

Thank you to those who answered honestly. It is a tricky situation. If I mention it straight out, I think I sound like one of John Betjeman's spinsters cycling to evensong ( I'm not - I don't own a bike or a tweed skirt for starters) rather than the true person I really am.
If I don't say anything though, I'm likely to give the wrong idea about the kind of relationship I'm up for.
On other points, I totally agree with those of you saying that the type of person someone is, is as important, if not more important than being tall/slim/classically good looking etc.
So for me, kindness, intelligence, respect for me as the person that I am, humour and financial independence would be attractive and if they could match my slightly pyromaniac tendencies that would be good too! All these would be more important to me than height. Given my post-menopausal body I could hardly complain about middle aged spread either!

ChloeAndRadcliffe · 10/08/2021 18:44

@EducatingArti there's a Christian dating website called Christian Mingle (or at least there was, I haven't looked recently). I guess you'd stand a better chance of finding a man on there who shares your values. Although I know what you mean about the lack of older single men - I'm not involved in the church myself, but I have a lot of friends who are and it seems that people get married young and then stay that way. Not sure if they're all necessarily happily married but they tend not to do divorce nevertheless.

JustAnother0ldMan · 10/08/2021 18:45

@CheesePlantMurderer, yeah, I like wearing heels as well, plays havoc with my back!
Seriously as a student I used to wear cowboy boots with Cuban heels, I used to love ❤️ them, probably looked like a right knob in reality!

CheesePlantMurderer · 10/08/2021 18:56

[quote JustAnother0ldMan]@CheesePlantMurderer, yeah, I like wearing heels as well, plays havoc with my back!
Seriously as a student I used to wear cowboy boots with Cuban heels, I used to love ❤️ them, probably looked like a right knob in reality![/quote]
a 6' man in Cuban heels! Bet they were all the rage and you fit in just fine!

I'd lend you my heels but I'd like to hope they wouldn't fit

JustAnother0ldMan · 10/08/2021 19:04

If they are not in a men’s size 10, no chance I’m afraid 😧

CheesePlantMurderer · 10/08/2021 19:19

@JustAnother0ldMan I'm 5'3, I'd look like the letter L

Roblox01 · 11/08/2021 06:40

@fliss444

I am fairly new to Mumsnet but this thread is flashing its headlights to me in the respect that NO-ONE appears to like OLD. I'm unsure if this has been attempted before but why not start a kind of friends looking for like minded friends thread? Obviously regions and preferences regarding age/lifestyle come into it but it's far less anonymous than OLD? Apologies if this breaks any rules.

I think it does go against the MN rules regarding posters being able to do so anonymously.

I think the principle sounds good though!

AgnesWaterhouse1566 · 11/08/2021 08:00

Still following this thread, very interesting. It's certainly concerned all I feared about OLD so no fear of my jumping back on that (XH is still probably on their has he's remained single too)

I've concluded that I'm too tall (5'9) too old (50) not photogenic at all (which I'm sure must skewer things on OLD) and probably a bit bolshy (I spend a lot of time on the MN FWR boards) to put up with crap.

No hope really unless I bump into a 6ft totally independent feminist ally. 😁

PearlFriday · 11/08/2021 08:19

I know i have zero tolerance for a man who replies "oh but the poor menz"
Years ago, only 44 at the time, 51 now, i dated a man whose wife had been doctor like him. And she had had 4 children and even though by the time the eldest was 13 the youngest was finally at school, all of the childcare arrangements fell to her. For over 13 years with at least 10 more before she could really not concern herself with any childcare at all, he was fighting her tooth and nail over the share of his pension that her solicitor felt she was owed. They had been separated for 3 years at least and he only ever had the kids at the weekend and yet there he was fighting hard to make sure that all of the financial sacrifices of parenthood were hers.
I got so turned off. I ended it. He was nice to me but i felt like i saw who he really was.

And that was a man who treated me well.
I just cant do it any more.

Roblox01 · 11/08/2021 08:49

@PearlFriday

I know i have zero tolerance for a man who replies "oh but the poor menz" Years ago, only 44 at the time, 51 now, i dated a man whose wife had been doctor like him. And she had had 4 children and even though by the time the eldest was 13 the youngest was finally at school, all of the childcare arrangements fell to her. For over 13 years with at least 10 more before she could really not concern herself with any childcare at all, he was fighting her tooth and nail over the share of his pension that her solicitor felt she was owed. They had been separated for 3 years at least and he only ever had the kids at the weekend and yet there he was fighting hard to make sure that all of the financial sacrifices of parenthood were hers. I got so turned off. I ended it. He was nice to me but i felt like i saw who he really was.

And that was a man who treated me well.
I just cant do it any more.

Interesting. So your issue with him was the fallout from the prior relationship not him per se.

Getbehindme · 11/08/2021 09:04

I read it the other way, his attitude toward his ex and settlement told her what she needed to know about him and it wasn't good?

Roblox01 · 11/08/2021 09:17

@getbehindme - yes that's what I meant.

I'm just interested as to why his differences with his ex would lead to such an issue. Father's having kids on the weekend isn't uncommon and neither is messy divorce financial settlements.

I'm sure there's more to it but that combined with the 'poor menz' comment is a bit

AgnesWaterhouse1566 · 11/08/2021 10:04

[quote Roblox01]@getbehindme - yes that's what I meant.

I'm just interested as to why his differences with his ex would lead to such an issue. Father's having kids on the weekend isn't uncommon and neither is messy divorce financial settlements.

I'm sure there's more to it but that combined with the 'poor menz' comment is a bit [/quote]
I suspect that a few of us have been on the receiving end of such an attitude before and are understandably wary. And whilst I don't lump all men in the same category as my XH I have come across similar attitudes within his generation which are somewhat depressing. However I do think NAMALT.

WoodenFloors · 11/08/2021 11:45

Roblox01

The thing is, men like that rarely reserve their poor treatment of women and negative attitudes towards them for one woman alone.

I went on a date once with a man who spent most of the date complaining about his ex. Eg his business was failing during the recession. He complained that she continued to spend on the credit cards as she had before causing him untold stress - very unreasonable of her. I asked him if she'd known about the business difficulties. No, he'd kept them from her to.protect her because that's what decent men do when they love someone - they protect their woman. And so it continued. Even though he presented his version the whole evening, I could still only have sympathy for his wife and see it from her perspective.

I did go on a second date with him because we both wanted to see a particular film 🤷🏻‍♀️ He said he'd buy the tickets and I said I'd buy the drinks/popcorn. Then we discovered that it was cheap ticket night and he made sure EVERYONE knew that he didn't know it was cheap ticket night and was embarrassed that the cost was nearly the same as a result.

And then he told off for something I did - to 'protect' me. I thought he was joking and continued. So he physically stopped from doing it and said he wouldn't let his daughter do it so he wouldn't let me do it! I said he could tell his daughter what to do because she was 6 but I was an adult and would do what the fuck I wanted.

Oddly, he didn't ask to see me again

When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time...