Page 17 | How many here are single, open to meeting someone but not doing OLD?

TossaCoinToYerWitcher · 2021-07-31T15:52:17+00:00

Just wondered. As a single bloke, it often seems that if you're not doing OLD you're missing out on meeting the right person, as that'll be where any single person looking for a relationship will be. But maybe that's not the case?

WoodenFloors · 11/08/2021 11:48

Bottom line is, slagging off your ex on a date is a big no no. I wouldn't go out with anyone who did that because, at some point, I'd be likely to be the ex being slagged off.

Last man I dated spoke very considerately of his ex. There was clearly no love lost but he spoke kindly and respectfully of her when he explained what had gone wrong from his perspective. He also acknowledged that she wasn't there to tell her side.

Roblox01 · 11/08/2021 13:35

Fair enough but I don't see any difference in such behaviour from women. Happy to slag off their ex. Not excessively but certainly a fair amount. To be honest I always take with a pinch of salt as from my experience its usually the bad eggs that they don't talk about (those that were physically abusive etc which of course I fully understand).

We are mainly UK based I assume, it seems there are very entrenched views on either side of the gender divide.

WoodenFloors · 11/08/2021 14:31

Well I can only speak from experience (having spoken to male and female.friends) but in my experience, women will complain about men who have been actively bad partners and poor fathers - no/inconsistent contact with their children; not paying maintenance; infidelity; never doing anything around the house; 3 day alcohol/drug bemders; coming home drunk and pissing the bed; poor personal hygiene; prioritising porn over a real sex life; lying...

Whereas men criticise women for not looking 25 and childless at 45 with 2 children; not making am effort to dress nicely and put make up on when they get home from work; having opinions; failing to perform.some aspect of femininity; oh and going off sex with them due to the things the women complain about...

Not really comparable.

Havingfunwhileyoung · 11/08/2021 14:32

I'm 36 and am just thinking of dipping my toe into OLD, but the more I think about it, the more put off I end up feeling. I've been single for a while, so been out of the dating pool for many years. My daughter is now 18 and heading to uni next month which leaves me free to meet someone, hopefully. But when I've spoken to friends about their OLD experiences, they very rarely have positive things to say. It's like a minefield trying to find someone that is genuine and not looking to waste your time.

WoodenFloors · 11/08/2021 14:38

Tbh, I'd avoid online dating and take up some hobbies.

I love live music. I play in a band and go and watch other bands play locally. Loads of men!

Roblox01 · 11/08/2021 14:40

@WoodenFloors

Well I can only speak from experience (having spoken to male and female.friends) but in my experience, women will complain about men who have been actively bad partners and poor fathers - no/inconsistent contact with their children; not paying maintenance; infidelity; never doing anything around the house; 3 day alcohol/drug bemders; coming home drunk and pissing the bed; poor personal hygiene; prioritising porn over a real sex life; lying...

Whereas men criticise women for not looking 25 and childless at 45 with 2 children; not making am effort to dress nicely and put make up on when they get home from work; having opinions; failing to perform.some aspect of femininity; oh and going off sex with them due to the things the women complain about...

Not really comparable.

Unconscious bias...

Watchingyouwazowski · 11/08/2021 15:10

**“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time...”

@WoodenFloors

Coming out of the shadows to acknowledge your wisdom. I wish I’d had this advice and the self belief, many years ago!

WoodenFloors · 11/08/2021 15:30

Unconscious bias...

I can only say what I've been told...

66babe · 11/08/2021 18:00

I've had men in the past expect and encourage me to moan/ slag off / complain about an ex
I say " I won't complain , I picked the eejit "
That shuts them up from complaining about her indoors who didn't want sex but did want a new bathroom every 2 years

PearlFriday · 11/08/2021 18:59

@ROBLOX01 well it showed me clearly that his core belief was that parenthood is something that should impact the mother more than it impacts the father.

Each to their own but having left one sexist entitled man i dont want more of the same.

My last bf was great though. The most working class man ive ever dated. He really understood. His sisters' experiences made him see things that a lot of men refuse to acknowledge.
I met him in real life though.

PearlFriday · 11/08/2021 19:03

@66babe ha ha yes, i say the same, "i picked a wrongun" 😀 🍷
Ive learntva lot. I cant imagine how "basic" id be if id married an averagely lazy, sexist, entitled man. Id still be with him. In denial. Living a half life. Starting threads about "D"H

Thank God my xh wasnt just a bit awful.

66babe · 11/08/2021 19:09

I agree, we live and learn
I suppose the only bit of advice I'd like to give some of you younger posters - male and female is -
Don't leave it too long , if you really do want to find someone and have a second chance at white picket fence don't spend years being bitter and finding yourself , you become content , settled and comfortable in the single routine then it becomes more difficult to be open to sharing that lifestyle
Sigh her who has left it far too long and has dumped someone purely because he annoyed me with his tea making skills

me4real · 11/08/2021 19:35

Kind of.

Not actively looking but if the right person came along somehow, I'd see how it goes.

AgnesWaterhouse1566 · 11/08/2021 20:03

@66babe

I agree, we live and learn I suppose the only bit of advice I'd like to give some of you younger posters - male and female is - Don't leave it too long , if you really do want to find someone and have a second chance at white picket fence don't spend years being bitter and finding yourself , you become content , settled and comfortable in the single routine then it becomes more difficult to be open to sharing that lifestyle Sigh her who has left it far too long and has dumped someone purely because he annoyed me with his tea making skills

Totally agree. I suspect I'm far too stuck in my ways now to compromise. I certainly don't think I could live with anyone again. Part time and probably middle distance would be perfect!

66babe · 11/08/2021 20:17

@AgnesWaterhouse1566 I think I'd make a great wife , I'm looking for a man who works 13 months of the year on an oil rig !!!
Form an orderly queue please ! 😉

AgnesWaterhouse1566 · 11/08/2021 20:23

@66babe now you're talking! 😂

Roblox01 · 11/08/2021 21:47

@66babe

I agree, we live and learn I suppose the only bit of advice I'd like to give some of you younger posters - male and female is - Don't leave it too long , if you really do want to find someone and have a second chance at white picket fence don't spend years being bitter and finding yourself , you become content , settled and comfortable in the single routine then it becomes more difficult to be open to sharing that lifestyle Sigh her who has left it far too long and has dumped someone purely because he annoyed me with his tea making skills

Joking and bickering aside I think that's the thing isn't it. I know I've probably let one or two slip by as I couldn't face the thought of going through it all again, I suppose ultimately you have to be brave enough to trust again and compromise.

I think it is a warning sign if someone is overly critical of an ex. I take the approach of being prepared to be fully open and honest but try to also explain where I think it went wrong and where the fault lay on both sides.

66babe · 11/08/2021 21:54

@Roblox01 you are correct , it does take bravery and some vulnerability on both parts
Life is too short though so grab every bit of happiness while you can

You learn to wheedle out the trash , that's the right thing to do
You want a relationship to enhance your life not drag you down

Don't really get the bickering bit ? I may be a bit of a joker but never ever intend to offend anyone , apologies if I have - it's just my way i suppose

Roblox01 · 11/08/2021 23:22

@66babe I only meant tongue in cheek

Anon778833 · 11/08/2021 23:27

I hate online dating. I'm autistic and I've been taken advantage of many times as a result.

66babe · 12/08/2021 00:10

Steady on @Roblox01 we've not even been introduced!!!! 🤣 Keep that tongue to yourself

@Itsnotover that's horrible to hear , how are you managing this now , are you dating still? Lots of sensible advice here so please ask and share if you like
I'm Scottish if it helps so am entitled to use that old romantic Glasgow kiss if anyone pisses you off 🤨

Anon778833 · 12/08/2021 05:02

@66babe thanks :) no, I'm not dating at the moment. I can't really be bothered because it tends to be a nightmare for me.

I had got to the point where I send a mans dating profile to my female friend (she's not autistic) and it certainly was eye opening to hear her opinions because she would notice all kinds of things that I wouldn't.

shemesheli · 12/08/2021 19:54

I tried it once after my divorce. Hit it off with a beautiful human, serious chemistry and connection...8 months but they hadn't truly healed from past marriage. It was beautiful & painful. I vowed never to go online again as I felt I couldn’t do the getting to know you again .... too gruesome and reminded me of him :-(.
I would much rather meet someone outside of the virtual world. One day....