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Original poster

AIBU to want him to cancel this holiday?

166 replies

AmITheAsshole · 26/07/2021 19:35

Have been with DP 4 years. We started talking about getting married about 2 years in but he got cold feet and ended the relationship.

I was heartbroken but accepted we were over.

Six months went by with in and off contact then the pandemic hit. He asked if I would bubble with him and though I was very wary, it was such a strange time and I didn’t have family nearby that I could bubble with so I agreed.

We had the most amazing time bubbled together, living together which we hadn’t done before. He proposed about 6 months ago and we are now engaged.

So we’ve been planning the wedding which we’re hoping will be next March.

Last night we were talking about where to go in honeymoon and I said a place I’ve always wanted to go to as the ultimate romantic destination. Then he dropped the bombshell that when we were broken up, he had agreed to go to this destination with his best mate, his wife and their children once Covid allowed.

They haven’t booked it yet but he’s adamant about not letting them down. Part of the issue is that he had agreed to pay half for the air bnb.

But my heart is absolutely set on this as our honeymoon destination and I’ve always dreamed that it would be a once in a lifetime trip with the man I love.

AIBU to want him to cancel his holiday? I am happy to cover what he would have paid to his friend.

OP posts:
Northernsoullover · 26/07/2021 19:37

Can you go on the holiday too?

Original poster
AmITheAsshole · 26/07/2021 19:40

Well unfortunately I don’t get on with his friend’s wife. I have tried to make friends with her but she tolerates me at best so it’s always really awkward around her. It would be massively stressful sharing a house for 2 weeks I think

OP posts:
LittleBear21 · 26/07/2021 19:42

Go on the holiday with his best mate. You'll be able to get time just the two some of the time, and then go somewhere else on honeymoon.

Your honeymoon will be lovely and special wherever you go. No one destination will make it.

My honeymoon was my biggest wedding compromise because DH couldn't take that long off work and really didn't want to spend too much on top of the wedding. We got a ferry and it rained most of the stay; it was still super romantic and a fab holiday.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 26/07/2021 19:43

Why can’t he go twice? It doesn’t interfere with you wanting it to be a one off for you.

NakedAttraction · 26/07/2021 19:46

You both need to agree on the honeymoon destination. You either go, knowing he will also visit with his mate, or pick somewhere else you both agree on.

To be honest, you sound a bit controlling about this.

CrouchEndTiger12 · 26/07/2021 19:46

I think he should let them down tbh. His circumstances have changed. His friends can go somewhere else. Nothing is booked and paid for but he has committed to marrying you.

Original poster
AmITheAsshole · 26/07/2021 19:47

Why can’t he go twice?

It’s a really expensive place to fly to and is a sort of once in a lifetime destination

OP posts:
Figgyboa · 26/07/2021 19:47

Go somewhere else? I'd always wanted to honeymoon in Hawaii (it was my dream) but for one reason or another it didn't work out. We went elsewhere and had an amazing time

backtoworkigooo · 26/07/2021 19:48

I find it odd that he'd want to go on holiday with another family for 2 weeks, maybe it's just me but I'd feel like a fight tag along! I don't see how you can't book your honeymoon there too though, experiencing a city as a couple on honeymoon will be very different to the places you visit/eat etc than with children in tow

IcedSpice · 26/07/2021 19:50

can't help but wonder, what kind of once in a lifetime place would you go with your friend and their family with??

And why would he pay half when there are 2 other adults there?? They're a bit CF if you ask me

CassandraTrotter · 26/07/2021 19:50

This would be a red flag for me. Nothing is booked so there is nothing to cancel. And his life has moved on. If he is prioritising a holiday with his mate over his honeymoon with his wife, I would question his motives for marriage:

CassandraTrotter · 26/07/2021 19:51

@AmITheAsshole

Why can’t he go twice?

It’s a really expensive place to fly to and is a sort of once in a lifetime destination

Sounds like he is enabling their family holiday. Could they afford to go without him paying half?
YellowClouds · 26/07/2021 19:51

He's going to a romantic honeymoon destination for 2 weeks with another couple and their kids?! That does seem a bit odd.

Lipz · 26/07/2021 19:51

Why is he going to an ultimate romantic destination with his mate and wife? Can he not, not go? He arranged it when you were broken up, well, things have changed.

Original poster
AmITheAsshole · 26/07/2021 19:52

Well that’s sort of what I think too backtoworkigoo

I mean it’s one thing to agree to go in holiday with another family because they feel a bit sorry for you and you’ve offered to pay for half their expenses towards a luxury holiday but now his circumstances have changed I think it’s actually a bit odd that they are still insisting he go with them!

OP posts:
IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 26/07/2021 19:52

@AmITheAsshole

Why can’t he go twice?

It’s a really expensive place to fly to and is a sort of once in a lifetime destination

I only see Lapland as a one time thing, even there though you can go more than once. If you would pay what it would of cost he may as well keep his promise and go. I can’t imagine telling friends I had to backtrack on plans because my BF said he didn’t want me going to the destination.
Iloveacurry · 26/07/2021 19:52

No wonder they’re keen for him to go, if he’s paying half the accommodation!

StarryStarrySocks · 26/07/2021 19:54

There are lots of lovely once in a lifetime destinations, pick somewhere else to go on honeymoon especially if it's Florida.

PersonaNonGarter · 26/07/2021 19:55

Neither of you are being unreasonable. They are both rational POV.

However, it’s a bit odd that he wants to spend the cash and annual leave on a two week holiday without you. Surely that’s the issue, not the destination?

Original poster
AmITheAsshole · 26/07/2021 19:55

This would be a red flag for me. Nothing is booked so there is nothing to cancel. And his life has moved on. If he is prioritising a holiday with his mate over his honeymoon with his wife, I would question his motives for marriage:

Wow @CassandraTrotter
Thank you! You have articulated what I was struggling to. Exactly this. It just all feels like his priorities are wrong.

OP posts:
Lou98 · 26/07/2021 19:57

@PersonaNonGarter

Neither of you are being unreasonable. They are both rational POV.

However, it’s a bit odd that he wants to spend the cash and annual leave on a two week holiday without you. Surely that’s the issue, not the destination?

They were split up when they planned it so it wouldn't be odd for him to go without her. The OP has also said that she doesn't want to go because she doesn't get on with them, not that he doesn't want her there.

OP, In the nicest way, I think you're being a bit precious about it. Your honeymoon will still be a once in a lifetime thing as it will be your honeymoon, that's what will make it special, regardless of where it is

Original poster
AmITheAsshole · 26/07/2021 19:57

However, it’s a bit odd that he wants to spend the cash and annual leave on a two week holiday without you. Surely that’s the issue, not the destination?

@PersonaNonGarter

Yes, absolutely this. That’s really what I’m confused about

OP posts:
cookiecreampie · 26/07/2021 19:59

@CrouchEndTiger12

I think he should let them down tbh. His circumstances have changed. His friends can go somewhere else. Nothing is booked and paid for but he has committed to marrying you.
I agree with this. He should be planning future holidays with you after getting you back, not going off and leaving you for a few weeks.
OhCobblers · 26/07/2021 20:01

@CassandraTrotter

This would be a red flag for me. Nothing is booked so there is nothing to cancel. And his life has moved on. If he is prioritising a holiday with his mate over his honeymoon with his wife, I would question his motives for marriage:
This.

I would have thought your fiancé would want to make you happy and make your dream destination "come true". I know you can honeymoon anyway but .........

OhCobblers · 26/07/2021 20:02

Anywhere not anyway!

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